The Lies That Bind Her

Lina’s POV

Clara stared at me with her eyes as though she were reading something on my face.

I was able to sense her bewilderment, her anxiety, and the slight suspicion that had come to rest in her eyes. At last, she said, in a low, almost timid voice, “Lina, who was the father?”

My stomach twisted. I stood still, struggling to maintain my calm, yet my mind was flying. I might have sworn that I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I opened my mouth but I could not say anything when her phone rang. and she looked at it. “It’s Maya. I’ll just—”

“ Take it,” I said to myself, wishing she would go away and leave me to myself a few minutes. I was able to hear her footsteps disappear down the hall and the silence of the room pressed upon me.

I glanced at the doctor, and I hardly uttered. “How-how?”

He consulted his notes and answered, “I’ll say about six weeks.” He said, answering the question even though I could not complete it.

My breath caught. Six weeks. Six weeks ago I had slept with Daniel. Daniel, the father of my best friend. My chest tightened and my palms were wet with sweat and I attempted to maintain a neutral expression. There was no going back. I would not, could not say his name.

“Are you good?” The doctor asked, I gave a nod and he turned and left the room.

Clara came back before I could say another word and shut the door behind her. “Sorry about that.…” Her voice died away, and she said, “Is it... Ethan’s baby?”

My throat was dry, I swallowed hard. I could not say it to her--not Daniel. Not now. Not once, should I have wished to smash everything to pieces. I smiled meekly and shook my head.

Her eyes widened. “What? Are you sure?”

“I… I must be, I said in a voice which did not reach my ears. “Doctor said at least, 10 weeks.”

Clara’s face fell. “Darm! We need to tell the adults. We have to tell someone. Your mother, perhaps, somebody to blame.”

I nodded even though I could feel the pressure of my lie pressing down on me.

“Is it okay for me to go home?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just go meet the doctor and ask if you can go.” Clara said and left the room.

She came back minutes later with the doctor who checked me one more time before discharging me.

We walked out of the hospital as a unit, Clara, however, remaining uncomfortable but helpful. The ride home was silent, full of a tension that could not be described. As we entered the house I felt the burden of the secret bearing upon me.

The first person we saw was Maya and her mother. “How are you dear?” Her eyes were full of concern, as she asked.

“Im fine.” I managed to reply.

“Lina told me….” She mumbled as I took my seat.

I could not say anything as I wondered who the next person would be.

The next to hear was Ethan. Clara’s mother decided to break the news to him. “Ethan, trust you are good.”

“I’m good mom, what happened?” He asked.

Helen hesitated a moment and then drew a deep breath. “You’re going to be a father. Lina’s… having your child.” She went straight to the point.

The silence was very long along the line, and then Ethan gave a sharp sigh. “I’ll book the next flight.”

The next call was to my mother. I caught up her severe voice at once, a warning already on her lips. “Lina? What happened?”

I didn’t speak. Clara told her, being very careful not to tell her anything I could not explain at the moment.

The response of my mother was fast and severe. “I’m booking the next flight,” she said. “You listen to me, Lina. You will not disgrace yourself and this family. You will marry him. I warned you about this. Stay away from Pre-marital sex--do you recall I told you? You cannot be careless.”

I opened my mouth, to protest, but she went on before I could utter a word.

“You should be thinking of your future, your reputation and this child. You will do as I say. You will get married to Ethan who is the father.”

I was experiencing tightness in my chest, my head swirling. I tried to speak. “Mom… I—”

“No arguments!” she snapped. “I shall not permit errors of this kind. You knew what would happen but you refused to pay heed to my word.”

I choked, my hands clasped to my sides. “But you don’t understand…”

“I know quite well, I know quite well,” she said in her cold, firm voice. “You need discipline. You need guidance. And you will do as I say.”

My heart raced. I opened my mouth once more, and attempted to say something to make her comprehend, to tell her that Ethan was not the father, it was Daniel. But the words stuck in my throat. I couldn’t say them. Not now. Not ever. I was across the line, and I could do nothing about it.

“I…”

“Enough,” she interrupted. “You will marry him. That’s final.”

I sat down in the nearest chair, and my head was protesting, and my body would not protest. I was trapped, besieged by all my decisions I made within the last several weeks. The lie had become bigger than me, and the effects were closing in on me all around.

At last, I told myself, and hardly audibly: I have no choice... I must marry him.”

And then, very nearly, the second thought came, harder than the first, But how can I marry a man, and bear his father child?l