No Waiting(1)

Author: Meng Jiu Chu

On the night of graduation, he held his new girlfriend, Sienna Zabinski, in his arms. Sienna was the campus belle. Everyone around him was cheering, asking him to introduce me, his childhood friend, to someone.

He glanced at me sitting in the corner and said to his friends, "She is a fool with a sour and gloomy face. She looks as if others owe her money. Who will want her?"

I shrank into the shadows, worried that others would see the tears I was trying to hold back.

An ugly woman did not have the right to weep. That was the first lesson I learned when I became his childhood friend.

1

When I first met Stanley Zabel, I was just nine years old.

My parents came to the city because of a job transfer, and my family and his family became neighbors.

When my mother brought me over to his house to get to know him, I stood timidly behind her and looked at the beautiful and arrogant boy in front of me.

I wanted to get close to him, but I instinctively felt that he was dangerous.

Finally, I stretched out my trembling hand and handed him the peach-flavored lollipop that I could not bring myself to eat. He swatted away the lollipop and shouted to his mother, Nancy, "I don't want to play with this fool!"

That was the first name he gave me. I rarely heard him call me by my real name, Jessalyn Gaffner, in the next decade.

He never addressed me politely, always called me funny names, and pretended to call me by my name angrily before I grew completely silent so that I would do all kinds of things for him. I obeyed him every time.

I had my father's height. While the other girls were as petite as little sparrows, I had become as tall as a conspicuous tree. I stuck out like a sore thumb.

Furthermore, my education was held back for a year because of my parents' job transfers.

Girls matured earlier than boys, and I was always the most visible one in a group of children.

However, my height did not protect me.

A girl who looked silent, cowardly, and so visible naturally existed to be a punching bag.

However, when I was cornered in the school toilet by a group of boys and girls and had soda poured on me, Stanley rushed in.

I had never seen him like that. He was like a crazed beast who saw red and beat up everyone, including girls.

On the way home, I followed him from behind and shed tears silently. My wet hair stuck to my scalp, which felt sticky and disgusting.

Stanley stopped, turned around, and looked up at me. "Don't cry. Don't you know that ugly women don't have the right to cry?"

I covered my mouth.

It was likely because of this "life-saving favor", that I built a kind of attachment to Stanley, like a fledgling to its mother.

Before I realized what a crush was, I had already kept my eyes on him.

Over the years, he dated girls, and I booked restaurants for him. He took his girlfriends to ski, and I booked the venue for him. Even when he went to a room with Sienna, I was the one who paid the room deposit.

When he introduced me to others, he would always put his arms around my shoulder and said, "This is my good friend, Jessalyn Gaffner. We have been friends for more than ten years."

He was a head taller than me. With my height, I could look up at the lines of his chin and his sharp and beautiful eyes.

However, at such a time, I had to try my best to straighten my back and smile at others. "Yes, I have known him for more than ten years."

I had also liked him for more than ten years.

2

Stanley and I both went to local colleges. On the first day of school, I helped him pack up before returning to my dormitory to start sorting out my belongings.

Someone pushed open the door and came in. I looked up and found that it was his girlfriend, Sienna.

Stanley never said that his girlfriend also went to the same college as we did, and he rarely said anything about her. I thought that Sienna would be like his previous girlfriends and that she would automatically be ditched for a new one after a period of time.

I did not expect them to go to college together. Did it mean that he was going to settle down with her?

Before my thoughts could spiral, Sienna's phone suddenly rang. When she picked up the phone, she looked happy and spoke in a coquettish tone, with the unique tenderness of a southern girl.

I realized that Stanley was the one who called.

I turned over my clothes in a panic as if I had accidentally discovered a secret, and then I pushed open the door to go out on the pretense of going to do my laundry.

The moment I closed the door, I heard Stanley's voice over the phone. It was low and clear, and it sounded sexier through the phone.

He said, "Can I take you to dinner?"

After saying that, he chuckled.

I was already outside the door.

I had never heard him talk to his previous girlfriends in that tone.

His previous girlfriends either considered his mood all the time like I did or had a bad temper and argued with him.

At that moment, I realized clearly that he was serious about her.

"He's serious about this relationship, Jessalyn," I said to myself.

Suddenly, my heart spasmed like it was being hit by an electric shock, and pain filled my chest.

I squatted down and buried my head in my knees.

In the past few years, I had thought about giving up on him.

Before he became a playboy, he fell in love with a girl for the first time during the summer of a certain year.

He would silently put her favorite drink in her drawer and bring her breakfast. He wrapped it in his clothes because he was afraid that it would get cold. Furthermore, all of that was what I had done for him in the past.

For the first time, I said to myself, "Let go of your crush on him."

Yet, I could not.

When I was nine years old, I was rescued from the toilet by him. Looking at him and caring about him seemed to come by instinct. He was like a drug that I had been relying on for more than a decade. The withdrawal was so painful that I couldn't quit.

However, the girl named Charmaine Yeates rejected him.

She strode in and put the things he sent over on his desk. She said to him, "You will lose yourself if you keep treating a person so kindly without any reason. Take care."

When she said that, she looked at me.

3

When I returned to the dormitory, Sienna was putting on makeup.

She saw me in the mirror and smiled at me. I was a little nervous and nodded at her.

In the past, Stanley's girlfriends had only two attitudes toward me. They either ignored me or were openly hostile.

It was the first time I met such a kind girl, and I could not adapt to it.

However, I finally did not have to curl up like a snail to make myself seem smaller.

I hoped I could get along well with her in the future.

Sienna had already started to style her hair. I saw her put her hair up and tie it into a bun.

The more I looked at it, the more I realized something was wrong.

She looked like a certain someone.

Who could that be?

I remembered that the way she tied her hair was just like how Charmaine used to wear her hair many years ago.

I suddenly wanted to laugh.

It turned out that I was not the only one having an unrequited crush for more than ten years.

4

Sienna, Stanley, and I were assigned to Fashion Design Class 1.

My senior from the student union saw my previous work and hoped that I could help her design her gown for the Freshers' Night Gala.

In class, when I was making a sketch of the dress, Sienna went up to me.

She looked at my design and said, "What a beautiful gown, Jess. Did you design it yourself?"

I did not say anything. I nodded in response.

Sienna touched her own clothes and suddenly smiled at me. She said sweetly, "Jess, can you make me a gown, too? I was worried that I couldn't find clothes for the Freshers' Night Gala. It doesn't need to be very complicated. Since you are so capable, you will definitely be able to make it quickly!"

Upon hearing her voice, Stanley looked up.

Seeing that, Sienna took his arm and said, "Stanley, you also want to see me in a gown, right?"

She was talking to him, but she glanced at me.

Stanley moved his eyes back to his drawing and casually said to me, "Help her when you are free."

I fisted my shirt, forced myself to straighten my back, and said, "Sorry, I really don't have time to make a dress for you. I have to help my senior make this dress."

Stanley looked up at me in surprise.

It had to be a strange feeling for him.

Based on his previous experiences, such a matter was trivial for him. He did not have to worry about it at all. He behaved as he did before when he told me to book hotels and venues for him and his girlfriends. He ordered me around casually, but he did not care about how hard I worked to help him.

Yet, for the first time, I did not obey him and help him with such a "trivial" favor.

5

Something bad still happened during the Freshers' Night Gala.

The party was about to begin, but the dress I designed for my senior disappeared.

I took it backstage and put it in the wardrobe before the opening ceremony.

The wardrobe was open to the public and did not have a lock.

However, who would take a party dress?

I got the answer when Sienna sang the opening song.

The dress I spent three nights making happened to be on her body.

The pearl-beaded mermaid dress made her appear more graceful. The lights in the middle of the stage hit her as if a little mermaid was truly singing.

I saw a boy whistling under the stage.

My senior angrily found me. I was just about to explain when Sienna left the stage and returned backstage. When she saw me, she immediately rushed over, held my hand, and said to me, "Jess, thank you for helping me make this dress. It's so beautiful. It's all thanks to you that tonight's show was so successful!"

The senior looked at her and then looked at me, which meant that I needed to give her an explanation.

I lowered my head and said, "It's not me. I didn't design the clothes for her. I made this dress for you."

Sienna immediately let go of my hand. "Jess, what are you talking about? You promised to make this dress for me."

Her bestie echoed, "Yes, we heard it in class."

Stanley happened to be backstage presently. He was likely there to pick up Sienna from the auditorium.

Sienna took his arm and asked, "Didn't you hear Jess promise to design an outfit for me that day?"

Stanley saw the livid-looking senior and immediately understood what was going on.

I bit my lip and looked at him, expecting Stanley to say something to defend me. He just had to say the simple truth.

He lowered his head and said, "I don't know."

I let go of the breath that I was holding.

It was just as I'd expected.

He knew very well that Sienna was deliberately trying to show strength.

I was his female friend of more than ten years. Anyone would have felt guilty.

Even any other person could tell that he never considered my feelings.

However, Stanley liked Sienna, so he tolerated her willfulness.

Tolerating Sienna meant that he could only sacrifice me.

6

After Freshers' Night Gala, Stanley's friends wanted to celebrate Sienna's success, so they dragged me along.

At the dinner table, Stanley never looked at me.

I stared at him deliberately, and he avoided my eyes.

However, when his friends tried to persuade me to drink, he put his hand in front of me and said with a cold face, "She has a bad stomach and doesn't drink."

Those friends were stunned and laughed. Soon, they let it slide.

I saw Sienna staring at me coldly.

I was expressionless, but there were complicated emotions in my heart.

That was it. Every time I wanted to stay away from him, he always showed me concern quietly. It was a platonic sort of care.

I, like a long-thirsty traveler in the desert, would continue to rush on when I experienced his concern, which was like an oasis.

However, the oasis was a mirage after all.

After more than ten years, I finally realized the fact.