Crossed Lines

When she finally managed to uncurl and look up, Professor Vale was already standing with his back to her, and as the sunlight from the window cast on his sides, Eva gasped in shock as she saw long pink gashes on his back. They were like claw marks, and when she unknowingly step closer, she realized they are claw marks. Then he turned—they were on the front as well. On his torso. Wide, glaring and painfull. Just thinking about it make her feel like someone had punch her in gut.

 This was the roughness she felt when… Then she looked away, remembering what had happened a few minutes ago.

He picked up his shirt from the floor and draped it over her shoulders. She felt his wood-spiced scent, and she started to feel blood rush again under her skin, shaking off the embarrassed feeling. She stepped forward, extending her hand to touch the light silver lines of his scars on his torso. His breath hitched, and she was once again too close to him—closer than they should be—too close to feel their skin almost touch, their breath brushing each other again, and the thrumming current between them pulling and pulling but she is too afraid to move to follow the pull.

Does everyone feel like this when they…? Eva’s mind stuttered at her own thought, and she turned away quickly to gather her clothes. She was curious about the scars, but the question that sat like a stone in her throat—the one she couldn’t swallow or let pass her lips—painfully rested on her tongue.

What does this mean? Do you feel the same, or was this something that just happened?

Walking around the room and gathering clothes was like walking on broken pieces of glass. It might cut their skin, but the tension was too thick for it.

There were no words to say. Eva sighed. 

Professor Vale put a respectful distance between them and turned around, walking to the corner cabinet to take out a few clothes. Eva, still buzzing from the aftereffects, felt a sharp cold sting at the distant way he handed her a pair of track pants and a T-shirt. She extended her hand but curled her fingers around it after a pause and took it.

She started to unfold the clothes, and he turned around with his own shirt in hand.

She stood there silently behind him. The black T-shirt covered her whole hands, and the hem of the track pants was under her heels.

She cleared her throat. “Hm…” She pressed her lips and looked down, rubbing her toes together.

Sebastian turned to look at her. The T-shirt that fit him like a glove was slipping from her shoulder. Only now was he realizing how thin she was—so small and looking like little pressure would break her. But when she slightly turned her eyes up to meet his, the warmth—and now doubt—knocked the wind out of him. He stepped closer, and she stepped back. That stopped him cold.

“I…” Eva exhaled. “…Thank you.” She said it quietly. “I should go.” She clutched her wet clothes in her hand; she should have done this before.

She tore her eyes from him and practically ran toward the door.

“Wait.”

She stopped in her tracks, her hand on the doorknob, but she didn’t turn. She heard his footsteps coming closer. Then he moved to the other side of the room, and all she could do was stand there with her lungs trapped in her chest. The silence was almost killing her. She opened her mouth to say something, but suddenly there was weight on her shoulder. When she looked down, it was a black blazer—his blazer. She looked up at him, and then he extended his hand with a small purple cylinder container.

“This is for the cramp.”

Eva’s hand hovered over the pain-relief spray before taking it and nodding in thanks, tightening her grip around it. She looked at the door, but the professor was too close for her to think straight. She looked up at him, still waiting for him to say something, but he looked down at her hand. Eva’s eyes fell on his lips as they parted, and she thought he was going to say something, but then he stopped. His hands hovered near her, and she silently inched toward him. Then their eyes locked as they came to the realization of what they were doing. They stepped back quickly.

“I am sorry,” Professor Vale said, and she felt the little cold, piercing feeling digging deeper as she looked at him helplessly. “I shouldn’t have…”

Eva clenched her hands into fists. “You said that before,” she accused.

He looked down remorsefully, his heart squeezing with regret. He stepped back so she could focus on her breathing, looking away from him. “You…”

“Eva, would you believe me if I say I did not mean to hurt you?”

That made her look at him in confusion, and she couldn’t help feeling a flutter of hope.

“But we have to keep our distance. This is going out of hand.”

Then something froze inside her.

“If you want to transfer to another class, or report me—”

“Report you?!” she gasped, bewildered. He looked at her, startled, as if he didn’t understand the reaction.

“I took liberties…”

“I let you take liberties with me,” she emphasized.

He looked at her, a little shocked.

“You reacted to me.”

“I wanted to. You think…” She looked at him, her mouth agape. “Mr. Vale, I chose to…” She stopped, mortified. Then it came to her—is that what he thinks? Is that why he is doing this? “I wanted you too,” she said, looking straight into his eyes. This was the first time she noticed he was not wearing any glasses, and somehow his eyes were even more captivating.

“I wanted you too,” she repeated, with all the truth in her voice and her eyes conveying how much she meant it.

“You were not supposed to say that, Eva,” he looked at her helplessly.

“Why not? You don’t want…” me? Do you not want me? She swallowed the words.

Sebastian closed his eyes, took several steps back, like he could not think, and shook his head. With every step he took back, Eva’s heart dropped.

“Mr. Vale…”

“Miss Jade, you should leave,” his voice neutral and cold.

He doesn’t want me.

 For whatever reason, he doesn’t want me. Eva thought and nodded. 

She opened the door, shut it behind her, and took a deep breath while her heart sank into the abyss. 

It hurt. It hurt so much. 

This might be just one of those things when people can’t help their body’s reaction. Is that it? Eva wondered, trying to make sense of what had happened and why it felt like this. Surely this was not just attraction. She didn’t get attracted to him out of nowhere, and he was not… before? Then this must be what happens over years—they became closer, and now this is how they feel? Or was it just her? Was she the only one who felt something, and he was just attracted? She looked at the door of the office. 

It said Professor Sebastian Vale on the tag. When she first saw that tag, she wasn’t sure she would want to be so close to a person and feel so far at the same time.

—------------------------------

Two years ago

The tag said Professor Sebastian Vale. She knocked on the door lightly.

“Come in.”

To Eva, the voice sounded familiar as she opened the door, and she stopped in her tracks. She could see why the voice seemed familiar—this was the man who helped her three days ago. Once again, the dark grey eyes looked up at her. A small smile pulled at his lips and sparkled in his eyes, and his expression made her stomach flip a little.

“Miss Jade,” he said in greeting.

“I didn’t know you were a professor here,” Eva blurted out and bit her tongue in embarrassment. “Um…” She gave a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I was not expecting to see you again. After you helped me, you left before I could thank you.”

“Well, you were fine and enjoying yourself. I felt it would have been impolite to intrude,” he teased.

Eva gave an embarrassed little laugh, remembering how she lay down on the grass before she could even say thank you to her savior. There was a soft curve to his smile, a little twinkle that soon put her at ease as he gestured for her to come inside.

“Thank you for that day,” Eva said finally, sitting across his desk.

“It is not worth mentioning.”

“No, it is really. I am scared of heights. If I hadn’t seen you…” Eva always found it hard to ask for help. It took her a thousand rehearsals in her head before she could say or ask for something, but by the time she got the courage, he was the only one she saw and thought might be a safe bet. And to her great relief, he was. He helped her without making her feel like a fool. Like why she was on the tree if she didn’t know how to get back.

“How did you get up there if you are afraid of heights?” There was genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Well…” She let out another embarrassed chuckle. “Going up, you really don’t see how it looks from the top. By the time I am looking…” She fidgeted nervously. “…that becomes a different story.”

“You are alright now?” His slow, steady voice filled with concern made her relax as she took him in for the first time in silence.

“Yes,” she said quietly, nodding.

He nodded back. The dark grey eyes looked beautifully enchanting behind the golden-trimmed glasses as they fixed on her, like she had all his focus. It grounded her.

“Thank you.”

How old did he have to be to look this good and be a professor? The calm and serenity around him was not something she found easily in anyone.

She was still staring at him when he broke the silence.

“So you are in my class?”

“Oh right!” She cringed internally, realizing she completely forgot why she was there, and pulled out her bag, shuffling the small pocket to take out her schedule sheet. “Yes, well, there was a mix-up in my schedule. My political science and history classes were put into the second hour. My political science professor said that was the only seat he had open, so I have to attend in the second hour. I was wondering if you could allow me to attend a different hour in your class?” She showed him the sheet, and he took it.

“Let me see,” he said thoughtfully. He pulled open a drawer and took out some papers, flipping through them and assessing them. He took a pen and changed something on her sheet.

“You have fifth hour free. I have a slot at that time. Does that work for you?”

He handed the schedule back to her, and their fingertips brushed. She immediately looked down at her sheet before her cheeks tinted pink. The touch was warm, but there was something else too that made her heart flutter, and she shook off the sensation.

“You will have a full schedule now, no breaks,” he said.

“No, that’s fine.” She met his eyes again. He had very patient eyes but sharp, like he would know everything if Eva gave him the chance to look deep enough. It made her feel strange. She nodded and thanked him once again.

He got up from his seat as she went toward the door and turned back once more. His expression was now more neutral. She turned back and stepped out, closing the door behind her.

------------------

The Present

Now Eva was looking at the same door before she turned away. This used to be simple, but her feelings made it complicated—and today just made it impossible to be anything but complicated. How would she look at him in class tomorrow?

Barefoot, she went back to the poolside, collected her shoes from there, then went back to the bag she left by the football field. By the time she picked up her cycle, the campus was deserted. She put the bag back in the basket on her cycle and slowly walked toward the dorms.

The sun was setting behind her. The leaves on the trees by the roadside were lush green. She stopped under an old tree—the same one she met Professor Vale under two years ago. She solemnly looked up at the tree, like she was seeing another, more unaware version of herself getting off the tree and accidentally falling into the professor’s arms.

Back then it was easy—just admiration and simple awe. How he looked, how he acted, and when she came to know him as her professor.

It didn’t use to ache so much.

A part of her wanted to forget the last few hours. Whatever had messed up her heart, she wanted to take it back.

The easy conversation. The light teasing.