Mirage

“One taste, just once,”

He told her to keep distance, Eva can’t help but think. It was not something Mr.Vale wanted. 

At the same time, she cannot get rid of the image of him hovering over her, his one hand digging in her thighs as he kept her in place and his other hand did things to her that she didn’t think were possible. It’s been weeks; there has not been a night where she has not woken up at the phantom feeling of her coming on his tongue. The slick thighs and bubbling burning sensation of the dissatisfaction made her pull on her hair.

How can her body crave something it just had a taste of for a few moments?

However, the nightly torments she can handle, but it is the day that has become harder. The hollowness inside of her hit her harder one day when she was standing outside of the history building, breathing heavily, the rain hitting the shelter with full force. She had to run from her English literature building to here, and now her hair was half wet.

“Forgot your umbrella again,”

The familiar voice made her turn.

Sebastian Vale was standing there with his signature red umbrella resting on her shoulder.

It was not her anymore; it was the past her, smiling at him shyly, cheeks pink.

“Professor,” she protested.

“The broadcast announced it this morning, how can you forget?”

She smiled once again sheepishly. “I don’t hear the broadcast,”

“Social media, on the university group?” He rose his one impeccable eyebrow. She rocked on the balls of her heels, trying not to feel embarrassed when quietly admitting.

“I haven’t joined yet,” she said.

“Miss Jade,” the pointed end of the umbrella under her chin, and it was oddly commanding, his dark grey eyes once again had all the attention on her. He was standing three feet away, and yet the feeling of the cold metal under her chin, the playful teasing smile on his lips made him feel far closer to her than he was. “It’s been a year. You cannot miss important announcements like this,”

She still checks it from time to time, just doesn’t like some serious unnecessary stuff that goes on there sometimes. She made a face.

“It was not that important,” she muttered under her breath, looking sideways.

“Ai!” He playfully made her look at him with his umbrella, and she playfully gasped, and she might have noticed a flicker of something that made her heart flutter, but she quickly shoved that feeling at the back of her mind. “Now after the class take my umbrella,” he said like he always does. “Do you understand?”

“Must I? I sure the rain—”

“Miss Jade,” It was a playful warning, tha tmade her smile a little made butterfly dance in her belly. 

“Yes, Mr. Vale, I will do as you say,” she said, and then he removed his umbrella from her chin. They both shared a quiet laugh and entered the building together.

The mirage of the memory dissolved under the punishing rain. Eva blinked, suppressing the sting in her eyes when she saw no one standing behind her with a signature red umbrella.

She always used to be like this on more than one occasion. Even when he offered to take his, she always exited the class without him knowing, and then he would come after everyone left, walk her to her dorms from the path that is behind the building and lead outside of the campus.

She shook herself out of her thoughts and moved into the class. Mr. Vale was already there, shuffling through papers when Eva entered. He looked only for a moment and then looked down, going back to what he was doing. It felt like a quirky pinch to her heart, and Eva walked to the back without making any noise or giving any indication that she was there.

This is how it’s been for a while, and it just made her heart tender with all the small cuts caused by his indifference by the second week. Eva steeled her heart. It was all a momentary lapse in judgment, she told herself, because that is the only thing that makes sense.

Though this didn’t work. In the privacy of her mind, her brain kept repeating and replaying that day like a ghost who was still in the mortal plains to finish its unfinished business.

“Eva, would you believe me if I say I did not mean to hurt you?”

“If you want to transfer to another class, or report me—”

“You were not supposed to say that, Eva,”

The words he spoke were of concern, care, and regret or something he believed that he felt, that she reacted to him, but not that he didn’t want to. But he specifically said that they would keep their distance. What am I thinking? I am not the only one who is going to be affected. If someone finds out…

Professor Vale will lose his job. He is taking precautions, whatever it is between them. Why would he risk his life and job?

The brain agreed to all the important parts, but something felt missing whenever Eva entered her history class and she met his gaze. Day by day she saw something else too besides the indifference… a dark… thing. She can’t name it.

 She doesn’t know it, but it was there right in front of her in his grey eyes, and it was building. 

Sometimes at night she felt it was building inside her too. It made her heart race, her brain couldn’t think of anything but him, and at a time, under his gaze, her skin felt too tight, and without him, pressure started to build in her chest that twisted her, as if something was trying to escape her, but she didn’t even know what she was holding back. Words that stuck in her throat balled in a painful lump, sensations that her body craved, and the restless nights that left her half aroused with a painful tug at night.

All she can say is that she needs to do something, say something. Either this thing has to come to a conclusion, or she doesn’t want to be in confusion as to what he wants. There were times she swore that his gaze would pierce her very soul.

The time was stretching, and it felt that with it the air in her lungs was stretching too. Sometimes at night she would dream of touching his scars, looking at them closely. She even dreamed of kissing them. She still felt the sensation of his rough skin under her soft lips, and she then woke up startled, burning with curiosity. Why would a teacher have scars like this? Then his indifference seemed more like a lie than the truth.

What she thought her heart could handle for another year, but it seems her heart’s tolerance had come with an expiry date.

—-----------------

After class, Eva was the first to leave, but she waited outside of the parking lot. In all honesty, if Eva had to say, she didn’t know what she wanted. An answer or closure or something, anything to release this building pressure in her heart every time she thought about Professor Vale.

She waited, watched as the cars and vehicles passed her one by one as the parking lot got empty. Now there was only one car left. She looked up at the cloudy sky. It had been raining non-stop these days; only now the drizzle stopped. She had gone over this conversation over and over again in her head, but yet she felt like the words were slipping from her as she waited.

By the time she was almost about to give up. Would this even be the right thing to do? Pressuring someone for something they obviously wanted to forget, but to even think of retreating made a churning uneasy sensation rise in the pit of her stomach. Just once, she would ask him. For her own peace of mind, she has to be straightforward. She decided, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder and looking down at her white tennis shoes.

From the corner of her eyes, she saw a glimpse of white passing him, passing her. Before she could collect her thoughts as to how to approach him, he was already by his car opening the driver’s door. Then she ran urgently, making her heart leap in her chest. She stepped into a muddy puddle, staining her shoes, and words failed her, mind blank. When she stopped just behind him, she blurted out,

“What did it mean for you that day?”

Mr. Vale froze. Eva swallowed and flushed as he turned, looking a bit taken aback.

Eva didn’t know whether she should take that as a bad sign or good sign, because for the first time in a while his whole face was speaking, not only just his eyes. And she should stop thinking too much about what if or could be.

She is here essentially for closure. If she heard his outright rejection, then there is a chance she would start functioning like a normal human being. That would be nice.

Then the air seemed to shift. His eyes darkened as they focused on her. The spicy wood and rain scent seemed particularly thick, and she held her heart, telling it not to melt as he came closer. Then he seemed to shake himself from whatever caught him a moment ago.

“Miss Jade,” his voice seemed to be strained.

“What did it mean…” Eva didn’t get distracted by his strained attempt to be indifferent. “For you that day?”

“I thought we already decided…” Mr. Vale’s jaw tightened; the tension was palpable.

“No, you have decided,” she emphasized. “I have not even got time to think what it meant.”

—

Sebastian’s eyes flickered in surprise. He expected cold treatment or ignorance from her after what happened. Not this. She was brimming with defiance and demanding answers, but for exactly what? He couldn’t possibly know. He could, however, see she was bracing herself for a blow. The muscles around her neck tightened. She was standing more on her toes than on the balls of her heels, and she maintained eye contact, but the way she bit her lower lip betrayed her wariness. And one of the dead giveaways was her heartbeat.

“Tell me,” she all but demanded.

He wanted to tell her everything, but for the sake of the moon goddess he can’t lose control now. Even her proximity is triggering his most beastly instincts. Last time it was his heart that lost its rein, giving in to her pleading rich brown eyes.

“Right now, you should not be here.” He warned.

“Answer me,” she demanded again, stepping closer, and her heart doubled the speed.

‘Mate,’ the wolf growled inside.

“Eva,” he put his hand on the roof of the car to hold on. The heat travelled in his belly with unrestrained vengeance. This was not supposed to happen for another week. The wolf inside of him was seething with how he was deprived of even the attention of the subject of his obsession, and now he was all but punishing him.

Sebastian heard Eva’s breath stutter, and his own labored in response. Under his fierce gaze, the pink in her cheeks got redder, and it was so enticing it made his mouth water. The wind picked up, overwhelming his senses with her water lily scent.

“Leave.” It was a warning.

“No.”

“Answer me first,” she stepped closer, and he stood straighter, pinning her under his gaze. To stop, to warn her, and to make her see that right now was not the time for this. He is not in a condition where he can have this conversation.

“Why do you insist on this?” he growled.

Eva stumbled back a little, startled. She was not expecting that. Only the Moon Maiden knows what he looks like right now. Does she see the beast that is about to unleash?

I am holding on, please leave. He wanted to say, but he can’t say anything more because if his mind is taken over by the wolf, he can’t guarantee that he would put her well-being above everything. The wolf growled restlessly against his mental chains.

—

Eva has never seen Professor Vale like this. He can intimidate a room with a stare if the occasion demands it, but otherwise he has a very easygoing personality, and especially her experience in his close presence has always been one of the gentle and caring kind. This was different. There was hardness in his expression. A strain on his shoulders that one can’t see. He was furiously flushed, and she could see some veins building in his forearms.

Why do you insist on this? The question rang in her mind. The way he looked at her made her step back just a little, but if not now then when? If she wants an honest answer, she should be honest too.

This is it, Eva thought. This is the only way to be free of this torment and the burning building pressure that was driving her mad. She has to say it even if this comes to nothing. She closed her eyes, felt her heart stop at the thought of what she was about to say, and she felt her knees go weak when she opened them again to stare right into the dark grey eyes of Professor Vale. Even in his anger, he seemed to still have all his attention set on her. How can she not feel the way she does? Can someone really blame her?

“I like you,”