Chapter 8: Robbie's POV

My phone rings its Sam. I'm numb to her name. The last time we spoke, I told her I loved her. So keep it cool, Robbie.

"Hey Robbie, is it true you asked Missy to be your date to my wedding?"

"Yeah, it's true. Is there a problem with that?" My voice is hostile. I want nothing to do with her physically or emotionally.

"No, of course not. Listen, are you and I okay?" Sam whispers into the phone.

I want to smack her through the phone. Of course, we aren't cool. If we were okay, she'd love me back, and Mr. Darcy wouldn't be an option for her.

"Sure, Sam. We're cool. Sorry I made an ass of myself last night. I was a little drunk. I hope I didn't say anything too embarrassing."

Sam breaths into the phone with a sigh of relief.

"So you're not in love with me?"

I don't respond right away. But, whatever I say now will make Sam question the rest of her life with Mr. Darcy.

"No, of course not. Is that what I said last night? You know how booze makes me say crazy things." Thank God this is a phone conversation because my voice might be convincing but the sweat dripping down my face followed by my blushing tells a different story.

"Robbie, I'm serious. You've never said that to anyone before. Are you sure you're okay with Mark and me getting married?"

How I want to tell her the truth that I'm not. But letting go of her is the best decision I can possibly make right now.

"Umm, yeah, of course. I think I'm going to ask Missy out."

"Really? You're suddenly interested in Missy Baxter again?" Sam says with a snarky sarcasm that pisses me off slightly.

"Yeah, we're hooking up tonight."

I'm not sure I was supposed to mention that to Sam. But does it matter anymore? She's already broken my heart. Can't a guy have a little fun to get over whatever these dopey feelings are? Fuck, yes, he can.

"Are you for real right now?"

"Of course, I am Sam. What the heck am I supposed to do? You're the one who..."

I can't even complete that sentence. I can sense Sam's eagerness through the phone. Instead, I panic and hang up. I quickly turn my phone off so Sam can leave me alone.

Fifteen minutes later, Sam shows up at my house uninvited. I don't get up from the couch. She's the last person I want to see right now, and she's the only person I think about. Shit, maybe I really do love her after all.

"Robbie, you hung up the phone on me, didn't you?"

"My phone died..." I lie.

She picks up my phone and turns it back on. The phone does its annoying turning on jingle, and then she shows me the screen.

"No, it did not. Fifty-three percent charged isn't dead. So why did you hang up on me?"

"I don't know...I guess I panicked. You kept interviewing me. Can we drop this?"

I stand up and cross my arms. Now she's pissing me off. And no matter what happens, I can't let myself kiss Sam again. Fuck I'm doing it again, my eyes shift down to her lips, and she notices. My heart skips several beats, and I let out a very loud sigh that the whole neighborhood can hear.

"No, we can't just drop this. Are you seriously hooking up with Missy?"

"What are you, my mom? I can sleep with whoever I want. I'm a grown-ass man."

Sam steps toward me, she's biting her lower lip, and I try not to notice. Having feelings for Sam sucks, but I am committed to letting her go.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have expected you to mess around with me."

"Sam, it's fine. I had a few beers before you came over. I said things, and we did things. It happens."

She grabs my hand, and it burns a desire in my flesh. It takes all my energy to ignore our hands holding. My thumb glides over each one of her fingers, and sparks fly. I close my eyes and enjoy the softness of her hands beneath my thumb. A switch within me has flipped, and it's hard not to respond.

"I just want to make sure we're okay. That's why I came over here."

Sam holds my hand a bit tighter. She spins her body into me and wraps my arm around her frame. My other arm pulls her in as she rests her head against my arm. Her hair falls beneath my jawline, and the shampoo she uses hits my nostrils.

Sam's shorter than me. I rest my head on top of hers and start swaying a bit. I'm not sure how we ended up like this. I look at Sam in the living room mirror. We do look good together. In another world, maybe we could be.

My heart starts pounding at all the things I want to do but can't. She puts her ear on my chest and listens. I can't hide my heartbeats. I can't hide my slightly shaking body. No matter how hard I try. Sam turns her head towards mine and looks at me with her blue eyes. Her eyelashes open and close like the wings of all the butterflies within me.

I stare at her lips again. She notices and blushes a little. I've never seen her blush like that, except on prom night. She raises her arm and rests her hand on the back of my neck. She lowers my head into hers with her hand like she wants me to kiss her. As Sam closes her eyes, I close mine, and suddenly it dawns on me that she's messing with me again.

"I think you should leave."

Sam stops and opens her eyes. She looks at me in the mirror. Surprisingly, she doesn't let go, and neither do I.

"Robbie, what are we doing?" She asks as she brushes her cheek against mine.

It drives me crazy. I turn Sam around and rest my forehead against hers. Our breath touches in midair, and I'm confused by what's happening. I still haven't kissed her yet, but with how close our heads are, it's getting harder and harder not to.

"I don't know, Sam. Maybe we should stop."

Sam doesn't let go. Instead, she stares at my lips, and I stare back at hers. She closes her eyes again, and I close mine. We pull each other in for a kiss, and our lips touch slowly.

Sam kisses my lips slowly and pushes herself deeper into me. She hums a little, and that's the sweetest noise on earth to me. I put my tongue in her mouth and pick her up. I lay her down on the couch and then stop myself.

I pull away from Sam. I see myself on top of her in the mirror and pull away. But, one thought remains, she belongs to Mr. Darcy now. That thought pulls me back into reality, and I get off Sam.

"Robbie, what's wrong?"

She puts her head on my lap. Everything we are doing right now is what couples do. We've only slept together once, and I've been in love with her ever since. Maybe, I really could have her to myself one more time before she gets married. Perhaps it's what Sam wanted to happen the other day.

"Nothing...just stretching." I stretch my muscles out and lean into my arms, flexing. Sam squeezes my arm muscles.

"Looking good there, Robbie."

It's the first time Sam's ever commented on my body looking good. Has she been noticing me too? I shake a little, and our eyes meet again.

"Thanks. I've been working out."

"Oh, I know. You've been getting hot. Strong. I mean strong. I should probably go."

Sam gets up from the couch, but my hand has a mind of its own. I grab her arm.

"Stay...with me?" Fuck, what am I doing?

"You want me to stay? Yeah, sure. Okay."

Sam retakes my hand, and our fingers intertwine. She leads me upstairs to my bedroom. The last time we were in this room together, we fought. I close the door behind us, and we lie beside each other on the bed.

I hold Sam in my arms and pull her in close. She lets me spoon her. I always imagined us sleeping together like this and growing old together.

No matter what I say now, it's apparent that we have feelings for each other. No amount of words can cover up our physical actions. But for the sake of everything else going on, we'll have to pull away from each other eventually.

Sam turns to face me, and our foreheads touch again as our heads rest gently on the pillows.

"What are we doing in here, Robbie?"

"You came over to my house uninvited, you tell me."

"You hung up the phone on me, remember?"

"I panicked, okay. You were playing twenty questions, and I didn't like that."

"Oh, is that so?"

"It is so," I reply while pulling her on top of me. Our lips brush against each other again. Sam closes her eyes and pulls my head into hers. I flip her over and allow myself to be on top. Sam seems okay with everything going on. She hasn't told me otherwise.

I kiss her at the base of her jawline down her neck. I haven't had sex with Sam in three years. And I'm not sure where we are heading tonight. If we have sex, her wedding is off. After that, it's too late to be a couple. But at this moment, I'm saying goodbye to Sam forever, and I think she knows it too.

When I kiss the base of her neck, goosebumps rise to her skin. She calls out my name. It surprises both of us. I put my lips back on hers and start unhooking her bra just like I did the other day. I toss it out the floor and let the world disappear behind us.

Sam adjusts herself and encourages me to take my shirt off, so I do. The heat rises to my skin, and my face is fire. Sam flips me over and wants me on top. She places my hands on her breasts. I haven't touched her there since prom night. It's an intimate moment, and it's when we both realize that we're getting ready to have sex. I can't let it go that far, no matter how damn good this feels right now. I remove my hands from her breasts and kiss her instead.

She feels me pulling away. Our lips kiss slowly, and I put my tongue back in her mouth one last time. She brushes her tongue against mine, and now it's my turn to hum. I can smell all of her when we're together like this. Our scents and flavors become one. A slight tear comes to my eyes because the truth is I am in love with her all over again. Only this time, I'm going to have to let her go forever. I don't let Sam see the tears in my eyes. I move her, so we are spooning again.

"Robbie?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we going to tell anyone about this?" Sam says as she turns to face me. She sees the redness in my eyes, damn it.

"No, Sam. This never happened."

"Are you crying?" Sam asks.

"No, I'm just a little sleepy."

I pull her in for another kiss.

"Do you love me?" Sam asks.

It's that question again. I can't tell her the truth. I can barely admit it to myself.

"Do you love me, Sam?" Sam instantly blushes when I ask her, which causes me to blush in return. She's so cute when she's flustered. Sam gets off the bed and starts to put her clothes back on with a hurried look.

I walk over and help her hook her bra. I pull her shirt down and touch the skin on her back one more time. Finally, she stands on her tiptoes and kisses me. I close my eyes and return the kiss.

"Do you love me, Robbie?"

"I guess you'll just have to find out."

Sam smiles at my response, and then I realize the time. It's almost time for me to meet Missy.

"Promise me you won't see, Missy, tonight."

"Why would that make you jealous," I ask?

"Please, Robbie. I'm really confused right now. Can we please sit and talk about this sometime. There's clearly something between us. I need time to think."

I grab her hands one more time to reassure her that I'm not seeing Missy.

"Sure, I won't see Missy tonight if you won't go back to Mr. Darcy."

"You know, I have to go back to Mark."

"Why are you with him? I haven't even met him yet."

"Do you want to meet him? I'm sure he'd love to meet you. Yesterday, I told him all about us in elementary school."

I try to keep my cool for Sam. But knowing she's returning to Mr. Darcy really pisses me off. She said we would talk about this later. Why do I have such a chip on my shoulder?

"Sure, maybe I can meet him some time. Have a good evening, Sam."

I...love...you.

Three little words, I've already said—three little words inside my head. No matter what happens now, the rest of my life and its happiness lies in the hands of my best friend. And that realization scares the shit out of me.