For Sam

Robbie looks at my lips. My heart pounds a little. I just told him I'm engaged, and now this. My eyes stare back at his lips. It's not like I haven't thought about being with Robbie. Robbie Garvie has always been there for me. And compared to me, he's a tree.  He notices me staring at his lips. He inches closer to me, and I can feel him closing the gap between us. Does he have feelings for me? I guess I'm about to find out. As I close my eyes and prepare to kiss my best friend, he kisses my forehead instead. I don't know what to do now.  Apart of me is relieved he didn't kiss me. We can't pretend that there isn't some attraction between us. I'm embarrassed now. I know that whatever I say right now, however, I react will define our friendship from here on out.   "Thanks for always being here for me, Robbie."  I hope this response doesn't scare him away. I can't imagine life without Robbie in it. He's been with me my entire life. He

Pulling out of Robbie's driveway was hard. It was the hardest thing I have done in a long time. Yet, when I replay our moment together, his words still echo within me. "Can I kiss you one more time?" Why Robbie, why would you ask me that. "Sam, don't do this. This never happened. You're marrying someone...else." Fuck I can't focus on driving. I pull over. I look at my ring. I love Mark. I love Mark. He's kind to me. We had a grand time in England. His parents live in a modest home in the countryside, and I helped them with their farm animals. I learned a lot about English living. Why am I thinking about Robbie? I can't think about Robbie. He's my best friend, and now we've crossed a line. One I wish we crossed a long time ago. There's no going back now. We can only move forward. I can't start this engagement with betrayal. Mark won't suspect a thing. And why

"I...love...you...Sam."These are the four words Robbie said to me. These are the words that mean our relationship has changed...forever."Sam, what's wrong with you? You've been acting strange, " Mark asks while he sits at the edge of my bed.I barely remember coming home last night. I was crying so much from the sorrow Robbie put me through. The large mirror in my bedroom reveals the truth, that I'm a bitch inside and out.Bloodshot eyes stare back at me. Fatigue and sadness are the worst to experience with a migraine."What did Robbie do to you?""We got in a fight. It happens between best friends," I reply.

My phone rings its Sam. I'm numb to her name. The last time we spoke, I told her I loved her. So keep it cool, Robbie."Hey Robbie, is it true you asked Missy to be your date to my wedding?""Yeah, it's true. Is there a problem with that?" My voice is hostile. I want nothing to do with her physically or emotionally."No, of course not. Listen, are you and I okay?" Sam whispers into the phone.I want to smack her through the phone. Of course, we aren't cool. If we were okay, she'd love me back, and Mr. Darcy wouldn't be an option for her."Sure, Sam. We're cool. Sorry I made an ass of myself last night. I was a little drunk. I hope I didn't say anything too embarrassing."

Maybe I am a horrible person, but getting close to Sam is getting easier by the minute. I’m glad I dropped a subtle hint to her that I am definitely interested in having her find out what we both know to be true. The letter I wrote to Sam is living inside my desk. I will hold off on joining the army. Sam wouldn’t want me to go unless it was for a legit reason. But I’m not sure I have it in me to blow Missy off either. If things with Sam don’t work out, then I want to have the next girl lined up. I don’t want to die alone. So I won’t mess around with Missy. I want to get to know her a bit more and see if we can even be friends. The car keys hang on the coat hanger where my mom always leaves them. I’m a man in my early twenties, and I can’t even afford my own place yet. I have two more student loans to pay off, and then I can have my own place. I have at least six months to go before that even happens. If Sam and I did get married right now, for whatever reason, I am sure we c