003 She Stole!

“What is this?” Damien demands, the fury in his voice so tangible that Thunder’s body stiffens.

So does mine.

I don’t know what to tell him.

I feel like getting caught in a lie when he found out about this before I could tell him, like if I was tricking him into carrying this huge burden that I’m becoming. I won’t be. Not his. I never expected him to take care of me. He won’t, and I don’t want that either. I will divorce him before my symptom gets worse.

I have to, for the little remained dignity I have left in front of him.

I just didn’t want him to find out about it before I’m ready. Not like this.

I can’t spend my life with him. I accept that. I just want to delay our departure for a little longer.

But even that I do not get to have.

He has always wanted a divorce, ever since the day he married me. He hasn’t done so only because he deems a vow sacred, and he cares about his honor too much to eat his own words.

But in his heart long lives this girl. A girl whom he had cherished since he was a kid himself. A girl whom I could never replace.

How could anyone, when time has polished his memory of her perfect?

He had been looking for her for years, ever since she went missing, and he only found her ten minutes after he gave his sacred vow to me, someone whom he settled with only because he thought he could never have her.

To be honest? I feel for him. Think about the sting, to miss the love of his life when it had been so close. Maybe if I loved him more, I would have set him free right back then.

But I was too selfish to give him up.

Now, LBD will make me basically a half-paralyzed plant. How could anyone ask him, a talented, beloved, rich doctor, to stay married to a half-plant when he has his whole bright life ahead of him at the young age of 31?

God forbid.

I thought I won when I walked onto the altar with him. But when you steal, karma has a way to make you pay.

I did beat her, by time. But in the end, she still wins, and she didn’t have to do a thing. She just remained in our life, became the invisible third wheel in our marriage, watched him ruin our lives for her, while I slowly wither.

Taking a deep breath, I nod slowly: “It is what you think it is.”

The end of my illusion and his misery.

As if time itself stops around me. This moment finally comes, and I’m calmer than ever. I once thought losing him is a pain I could not bear, but the universe didn’t explode, it just moves on.

I am losing him anyway. In many senses, I already have.

“It is what I think it is?!” He repeats with utter disbelief, fury storming behind his deep blue eyes, “I have told you so many times, I don’t want anything from your work in my house! Don’t you know you work at ID??”

Infectious Diseases. Right.

I blink in surprise. I can’t believe so much has happened today that even his germophobia could slip my mind.

Both of our eyes land on the thin paper again. In many ways, it IS a very standard diagnosis report. But even if he did not notice the wrong name of the hospital, he wouldn’t have missed my name on it?

But he did.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble, grab the piece of paper, and tear it into pieces. Even over the loud flushing noise as I watch the pieces sucked into the drain, I could hear his grumble.

“First dinner, now this! What exactly DO you keep in your mind when everything in our life is falling out of it?!”

“I’m really sorry. Can we not fight over such a small thing?” I sound tired and depressed. The paper is not even from ID, but he didn’t care to see that.

I just don’t have the energy to deal with death and a cold husband on the same day.

“A small thing? Deadly infectious virus is not a small thing!” He repeats with a light voice, and I realize I chose the wrong words, “And who said she would make the steak the biggest thing in the world only yesterday? You put it down on the damn notebook, REMEMBER???”

I blink for long, still barely remember. I guess I did, but then again, I really have no collection of such a thing.

The realization of how something so important and happened so recent could disappear from my brain really scares me.

Before I could think, I go and grab his hand, clinging my body to his to make peace, trying to find courage in his warmth. I need him. Every since I knew him, he has been the sun shining high above, luring me closer...luring me to burn myself. Even so, I still crave his heat, now more than ever.

“I’m really sorry,” I appeal gently, “I’m sorry it slipped out of my mind. I understand why it would upset you…”

I want to tell him everything, and I just need a little support, a little comfort from him. He would, right? For the sake of the happiness we once had. It was a LONG time ago, but we did have it.

As short as it was, it has already been carved into my soul.

But his next sentence is like ice water over my head, turning my fingers cold as he swings my hands off: “It’s because of such carelessness that you are just a nurse.”

Just, a nurse?

My ears ring at his words. My head goes blank in surprise as anger reddens my eyes. We got into the same hospital after graduation, but he as a doctor while I…

“You mean unlike your precious Amber Rose,” My voice rises above my expectation at the nasty sting, “the thief who stole MY surgeon position?!”