Chapter 47– Cole’s Spiral

(Cole’s POV)

The morning light barely touched the edges of the cabin, and I lay in the quiet, I was staring at the ceiling like it held the answers that I’m desperately in need of. My body felt heavy, it was just weighed down by fatigue but also by the chaos I had created. The guilt, the jealousy, Sasha’s pull on me. It had all coiled inside me, it could be compared to a serpent I just couldn’t shake. Every heartbeat reminded me of the bond, of Ella, of the life growing within her. And yet, my instincts and my past whispered that I was still hers not just in body but also in heart, or so I thought.

I pushed myself upright, jaw tight, muscles tense. The memory of Jasper kneeling beside Ella yesterday was still etched in my mind, how gentle he had been, how he had guided her hands while she sketched, how his laugh had made her smile in a way I could never be able to. My chest tightened. The reason why it hurt so much, is what I can help but wonder, I couldn’t help but wonder why a simple act of kindness, one that I should have been a party to, sting so sharply?

I knew what I was feeling was jealousy. In it’s pure and bitter form. A wolfish possessiveness that had always been part of me, which is now twisted now by guilt and fear. I wanted to be the one she turned to, the one she completely put her trust in. But still… my failures, my spiraling with Sasha, had only created a gap between us.

The presence of Sasha is another weight that I just couldn’t escape from. Every second of the day, I could still feel her presence lingering in my thought. Her whispers still echoes in my mind, You’ll never choose her completely. She’s too soft, fragile. She’ll never satisfy you like I can. You will always belong to me.

I shook my head, trying to banish her words, but the pull remained. What I felt wasn’t just desire but also old patterns, years of conditioning, and a grip that had never truly freed me. And now, I was standing on the edge of fatherhood and the bond, I felt caught between the past and the future, between chaos and responsibility.

The bond pulsed beneath my skin, it felt insistent and impatient. Ella’s emotions were clear, it was that of trust mingled with suspicion, hope mixed with wariness. Even at this very moment she could feel my conflict, and with that my guilt deepened. I had promised her to be honest, my presence, fidelity and still here I was, allowing temptation and jealousy dictate my every thought.

I got to my feet, pacing the room, hands gripping the edge of the counter. At this moment, what I needed is clarity. I needed control. But every attempt to focus on her, to focus on the life growing within her, was undercut by the vivid memory of Sasha’s sly grin, her whispered lies, the way she had once ensnared me completely. Before, she had held power over me but still I feared that even at this moment, that that power still lingered.

And then there was Jasper. His proximity to Ella irritated me, wounded me in a way I couldn’t fully articulate. I hated that I felt that way, hated that my jealousy made me question the bond, I hated the fact that I couldn’t just simply trust in the love and connection we shared. Watching the way Jasper had adjust her blanket, laugh softly at her jokes, even share a small smile with her, made my chest constrict with a bitter envy I could not ignore. I’m the one who should have been able to provide comfort, protection, warmth. In every small gesture I should have been present.

Instead, I had allowed my own failures and desires pull me away, leaving space for someone else to creep in, someone that I should have been able to trust, yet could not. In little and silent ways, I had only one end up betraying her. I had let Sasha’s influence linger. The bond reminded me that every of my actions mattered. That every misstep would only end up making a ripple through her, through the child growing within her, through the life we were supposed to be building together.

I sank onto the edge of the bed, head in my hands, and cursed under my breath. I hated feeling this way. Hated that I couldn’t be pure in intention, that I could not completely cast out Sasha from my mind, that I felt a sting of envy toward a pack member simply for helping the woman I’m mated to. I hated the chaos within me, the battle between desire and duty, the way my own instincts betrayed me at every turn.

But even in-spite my self-loathing, I still could not deny the pull of the bond. The presence of Ella pressed against my soul, a reminder of what was real, what was lasting, what I could not abandon. She had put her trust in me. And yet, I had to admit to myself, the temptation of Sasha, the jealousy of Jasper, the weight of my own unresolved past, all this thoughts only make me falter.

I leaned back, exhaling slowly, trying to reconcile the chaos inside me. The bond throbbed gently, insistently, and I realized the truth I had been avoiding: I was beginning to spiral. I was caught in a current that could sweep me away from everything I had vowed to protect. And if I did not act fast or make a choice, then what I would be losing would be just than my peace of mind. I would only end up losing Ella’s trust, the life growing within her, and perhaps even myself.

My thought was churning even as my gaze fell to the floor. I knew what I had to do, I have to fight the pull, resist the whispers, confront the jealousy, reclaim my focus but what I was certain of was that the battles wasn’t going to be an easy one to win. Sasha’s influence was subtle, insidious, and my own guilt made me vulnerable. Every interaction shared, every glance, every moment of weakness risked undoing the fragile thread I clung to.

And yet, beneath all that turmoil, there was a flicker of determination. I could not be able to erase the past, could not silence the pull entirely, but what i could do was to choose my actions in the present. What I want is to fight for Ella, fight for our bond, fight the bond that tethered us together in ways stronger than desire or manipulation.

The thought steadied me, even as the chaos within refused to fully settle. I would have to navigate this carefully, resist the temptation, confront my own jealousy, and prove that I could be a better mate, a great father and the the wolf I was supposed to be. Not just to my mate but also to our child.

I rose, shaking off the lingering haze of guilt, and took a deep breath. The road ahead was difficult. Sasha’s whispers refuse to cease. The envy I felt toward Jasper wasn’t one that would vanish overnight. Over every choice I make, my guilt would linger like a shadow.

But now I had a chance to reclaim control, to be able to fully step into the life I had vowed to protect, to prove to Ella and to the child growing inside her that I could be more than the mistakes I had made. That I could be worthy of their trust, worthy of the bond I was finally starting to understand I could not live without.

The bond pulsed sharply beneath my skin, a warning and a reminder. It demanded action, demanded clarity, demanded loyalty. And for the first time in days, I felt the faintest flicker of hope amidst the chaos: perhaps I could survive this pull, perhaps I could resist, perhaps I could finally be the mate she deserved.

But the spiral was not over. Not yet. Sasha’s grip lingered. Jasper’s presence stung. And the bond, patient yet insistent, waited for me to choose—to choose her, to choose the life we were building, to choose the path away from temptation and back into truth.

And I knew, deep in my chest, that if I failed, there would be no second chance.