His Heart

CHAPTER 11: HIS HEART

You might be mighty and high today but the truth is, you will never be the best because in the same world there exists someone who is better than you are.

©Humeyra

HAMDAN'S P.O.V

I had no idea why I wanted to please sidra, my higher religious education teacher. She was an ulamaa (scholar) something which I have not achieved yet and I was both impressed and envious. Her voice was familiar but I could not place it. She had a pleasant voice to the ears. I wonder how she sounds when she recites. I really hope she was impressed by my voice.

Sidra was requested to recite for the class and I was never happier except when I saw Humeyra smile or laugh. I wanted to know how good she was to be our teacher. However, I was not prepared to hear her voice at all when she began and I stopped breathing for a minute.

It felt like a De javu.  A certain beauty flashed in front of my eyes. We were both seated under her favorite tree. She looked gorgeous in her black abaya. Though she had no makeup on, her face glowed under the brightness of the moon.

 It was one of those days that I stole several long glances as I pretended to lower my gaze which Astaghfirullah I couldn't. I had an impulse to ask her to recite for me but I felt too proud to do so hence I had just silently kept her company, when she randomly started humming a calming tune.

Then her tone changed from humming and soon she was silently reciting looking so tranquil and at ease in her own recitations.  This was the first time I heard Humeyra recite and I dare say it was the first time I secretly acknowledge the increased rate of my heart beat to every syllable of the holy Quran she uttered.

 It was also the first time I saw her in different light. She was at that moment not the girl I befriended out of pity but the beautiful goofy soul whose smile evoked my own the first day she introduced herself the Muslim fraternity.

 I was with her because she was filling low hence I accompanied her but was rewarded with such a magnificent sight. Subhanallah. I was snapped out of my day dream by Sidra's voice which was currently loud and clear in the room.

 Her voice was that good. She had a mellow voice with beautiful lilt that made the whole sound melodious. Sub Han Allah! Wallahi I have never heard such an angelic voice with the best mastery of the Quran from a female in my entire 24 years of age.

 To make matters worse for me, she chose to recite my favorite surah. Suratul Muuminun. I felt my heart beat accelerate to her voice, just as it did before to Humeyra’s recitations. I felt the temperature of the room drop drastically and I instantly got chills from her voice. Ya Rabb, is this possible?  She reminds me so much of the lady who stole my heart yet they were extremely different.

She was exactly the kind of woman I always wanted to marry. She made me feel inferior as she recited softly. Was this how Humeyra felt when I degraded her? Did she feel threatened and unworthy of my sinful self? Did she lose her confidence and dignity? Did what I told her affected her self-esteem?

 I felt remorseful and relieved at the same time. Remorseful for how I treated Humeyra and relieved to have come across Sidra. Was it possible to love two people at the same time? I decided there and then that I would get to see her and get to know her one way or another.

Unfortunately, she was soon done with her recitation and the whole room was uttering the takbir with such strong emotion. That was how much her voice affected us all. She softly dismissed the class and everyone went back to their room talking about her voice.

 I, however, was adamant on wanting to meet this lady hence I waited outside the classroom for her to get out. I heard her soft footsteps nearing the door after a few minutes and greeted. Asalamu aleikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu. She jumped scared not expecting company. She responded in a weak and shaky voice that reminded me of the time I crept up on Humeyra.

Sidra answered after a while and I decided then that I would not mind listening to her voice for the rest of my life. She had her gaze lowered and her Niqab hid her completely from the world. Her entire body was covered by her attire and this gave me some satisfaction.

She was innocent, shy and demure, I thought. Is there anything I could help you with ustadh Hamdan? She enquired. I shivered at how she said my name. I.... I... I Ummh would like to ask for a favor.

You see, I would be here only for a year and I would like to complete my Alim course by then. Would it be possible for you to teach me in your free time here? I would be grateful to you for eternity. I had a chat with the principle and he requested that I talk to you first and you decide.

Though I couldn't see her expression, I realized that her body was slightly shaking something I would not have noticed if I was not observing her as keenly as I did." Uuum, in sha Allah, it would be alright. I would teach you but only for ten months," She said.

 I wanted to ask her so bad what would happen after the ten months but I held my tongue and thanked her then she walked away leaving me in my fantasy and thought of her. I wish I could see her face. Is she as breathtaking as Humeyra? Is she more beautiful that my Humii? Is she married? No. no husband in his right mind would let her go as attractive as she is even fully covered. How old was she? These unanswered questions lingered in my head as I slept that night. I am going to make you my priority sidra and may be when I find Humii, you both would make me the happiest man on earth.

A part of me knew that I was being selfish for wanting both of them but another part of me knew that if I couldn't have Humeyra then Sidra might just be my saving grace.