EVEYRTHING IS ALRIGHT

A knock on my door got me to a sitting position which I have dreaded doing after my bath. I nearly shrink to death in the tub, my bottom hurts like hell and I was only able to manage a minor bath. I know I need a proper bath, I will see to it by tomorrow, when it won't hurt so bad.

With Granny's meal, I got most of my sanity back. She made pasta and half-heated vegetable salad for me and that took the day's ordeal away. Not all true. I doubt if I could ever forget it and as I do not want to think about it anymore, I lay quietly on my bed praying to be taken by sleep. The knock on my door interrupted the plan and I turned to gape at it in wonder. No one has ever entered my room, except James who would never knock. This visitor is formal, it must be Granny.

Neither Mum nor Dad had bothered to take an interest in accessing my room. They quite understood my want for absolutely no intrusion, and hearing a knock, I knew it can only be Granny and I can't keep her out tonight. In as much as the door is unlocked, I still walked to the door to create an open welcome to her. I was about to grip the doorknob when James pushed in.

"James?" I stood before him in surprise. "You never knocked".....I recurred and made my way back to the bed in the usual slow steps.

"You never lied"

"What?".....James shut the door and turned the key. This was a first. He never locked my door after him. His statement and action put me on the alert for interrogations.

"Not sure if you are in for a talk"....James said and I stared at him in suspense. "Since when do you start considering my mood?"

"Today"

"Strange."

" I find it more strange that you lied to all of us down there."

Did I mention the kind of relationship James and I share? It always marvels our parents how we both relate closely despite our differences. I knew James sensed I was lying the whole time, but I thought he will play dumb and let me come to him when I am ready like I always did. We tell each other everything, I don't know when and how we knotted such a tie.

Honestly, I didn't plan to tell him this particular one. He was right, just within 24 hours, I began to act strange. I want to keep this story to myself but I know too, this will build a bridge between my brother and I. I won't take such a risk.

"I know you were lying Greg. I figured you might not want to tell Mum and Dad, so I believed you down there like everyone else. Here, you gonna tell me what happened....and the truth"

James may sound arrogant but I know it is his way of caring about me. I guess I don't have to keep this to myself as I planned. We have shared a lot of things in the past, this one will only add to our bond.

"I was kidnapped"

"You looked so. From the bus stop?"....Sitting beside me, he continued...

"yes"

"Ok.."

I looked at him. I am not sure if the 'ok' is a full stop or a comma.

"I need the details in full"

"I....." I stammered. I've to find the exact words for my story.

"Greg, you know I wouldn't hide anything from you but if you don't want to tell me, I will give you time, only time, I won't leave it alone. You must tell me why you look this pale soon"

I know. James has never hidden anything from me. I once asked him in the past why he tells me everything about himself. He'd said he is too lazy to write in a diary that it is easy having me as his diary and I should ensure to keep his words private as he would keep mine when I am ready to make him my diary as well.

I didn't see how James would keep things to himself judging his nature. But James in the years has shown that a deep part of him can bottle up anything for me and I too have opened up to him. I love we are this way.

"What are you now?"... I decided to tease him to lighten up the atmosphere and also dissolve the lumps in my throat.

He chuckled as expected but didn't stop staring at me indicating he is not leaving my room anytime soon. His face became cold with no trace of an after-laugh remark.

I stared back at him for a long time before I gave in.

"I got raped"

"Greg!, Jesus!"

"Yes, I....."

"We need to tell Dad"

"No..."

"The cops must be alerted....they have to be arrested"

"James, I ...."

"The cops will find them, Dad will make sure of that. We....."

James wouldn't let me talk. This is him. I need to get him to understand what I am saying before talking about cops.

"I liked it!"..... I confessed and there, he stopped talking.

"Excuse me?" James' eyelashes fluttered in shock.

"I liked it, James. It hurts but it's supposed to hurt you know, it was my first time"

James was speechless and kept moping at me as I continued.....

"I wasn't gang raped. He only did it. He was gentle. I know I am not making sense but please stop looking at me like I am senseless"

"You are senseless"

Hope I didn't forget to say that James is as blunt as death.

"I know, I am sorry"

"What are you saying?.... ok, what do you want me to say? I don't know what to say"

"Say you won't tell Dad or Mum first, the cops can't be involved"

"I can't believe you. A victim theory?"

"I don't feel like a victim"

"What? James coughed. I know he finds me ridiculous at this moment. "You are protecting a rapist, Greg"

"I am protecting my shame, James"

"What shame!?"

"Being with a guy." I shrugged.

"Is that all that matters to you, Greg? oh goodness! You are not just senseless, you are big fat senseless!"

"I enjoyed it, doesn't that matter?"

"I can't believe this. I am going crazy"

James stood and paced around my room. He is angry with me, he is trying to hold in and I am sorry.....

"I am sorry" I let my thought out. He looked at me for a while and return to have his seat beside me.

"What are you now? gay?"

"I am not".....answered immediately

"Not like you being gay is a problem, Greg. It is not to me...He shuffled his blond hair back. James is yet to settle with all of this... "C'mon bro, we are talking about rape"

"It doesn't feel so to me James, I promise"

"I don't understand you, jeezz!"

"I don't understand myself either. I don't know.....I don't know. I moaned out of pleasure, James. It felt good at some point and painful too, yes. But the pains are understandable"

"You were forced to have sex out of your Will, you weren't ready for it. Whether you enjoyed it or not Greg, it is rape"

"I wouldn't see it that way"

"Gosh! You are a baby"

baby? I am not surprised. My stature always defines me as such. Even James who is only sixteen months older than me treats me like a toddler.

"That you're older doesn't make me a baby."

"Damn it!"

"James I...."

"Be quiet Greg!, Just say nothing."

He stood up and paced back and forth in my room again and I did nothing but watch and welcome the silence that clouded us for minutes.

"Are you hurt?"....James asked more calmly and I hugged myself for his quick adjustment.

"My ass is on fire"

"Says the boy who enjoyed gay rape"

And James' humourous self began to surface and I feel a little relaxed. "You are something, Greg. I don't know how I am taking this. But then, do you need to see a doctor?

I froze.

"Hahaha, I don't mean mum"

James assured me when he saw the life out of me at the mention of a doctor. How foolish I am, thinking every doctor is my mother.

"We can go to a different hospital, downtown clinic perhaps"

"I think I need to then"

"I will search for a good one before morning"

"Thank you, James"

"Hey, I am sorry for the painful part"

He said that with a smirk on his face and I couldn't help but look away.

"I will head to my room. Can you sleep well?"

"I guess I can"

"Ok, See you in the morning"

"Good night James"

"Yep," He rose.

"James?".....he halted and turned at the door as I called him. "Thank you"

"You're not welcomed"

He winked and closed the door behind him.

I am glad I told him.