I waited until everyone left to retreat back to my room. It was almost dark by then. I undressed, digging out my favorite grubby pajamas, dropping my clothes on the floor out of the habit of pissing off my mom. I knew she would glance in on me. I heard the long sigh of suffering she would heave at the unruly pile of clothes. I flipped open a textbook, trying to study and sighed myself. Damn, she was good. Even in my imagination, she could make me restless with guilt. I threw aside the book and glared at the pink chandelier. I slouched out of bed, put the clothes away, and went back to studying, feeling decidedly huffy.It didn't take me long to concede defeat. I sucked at chemistry. I was about to toss the book across the room when I felt a surge of power so strong it shook the house to the foundation.I leapt to my feet, out my door before I knew I moved. I took the stairs three at a time, practically flying. I made it to the basement doorway ahead of the typically timely Sassafras.
I lay in bed for a long time, struggling with my thoughts, shying away from taking the real steps I needed to figure out what my problem was. For some reason I probably should have been aware of, I didn't want to know. I wanted out! Why couldn't that be enough?As I sprawled there torturing myself, I heard my door creak and the soft pad of little feet. I watched Meira as she picked her way on tiptoe across my floor and to the end of my bed. She twisted a handful of quilt in her tiny fingers and peered up at me through her silky black bangs, eyes wide and almost completely black in the darkness."Are you awake?" She whispered."Nope," I answered. "Come back later."Meira giggled. She had the cutest giggle, clean and fresh and genuine. She always made me feel way younger than I was.I giggled back.Meira made her way further up the bed, twirling her slender body, her pure white nightgown flaring out at her ankles as she half-danced, half-tiptoed to me. She leaned over the bed and t
Despite the endless promises I made, the next day while prepping for school I found myself yet again a slave to trend setting and lip-gloss. So much for the new and improved Syd who didn't take crap from anyone. In fact, by the time I hit the front steps, I was a nervous wreck. How much damage had I done? If they thought I was a freak before, what was I classified as a target now?Unfortunately, yes. Might as well have had a bull's-eye painted on my chest. From the moment I set foot in the front lobby of Wilding Springs High, I opened myself to the bombardment of Alison's revenge. Not just Alison, either, from the looks I took from the general population. I was in it deep and even those who might have felt some sympathy gave me a wide berth. They knew a sinking ship when they saw one. Nobody wanted to get sucked in when the vortex of Alison decided my doom was at hand.Still, they started small, bless them, softened me up a bit, eased me into it. Nothing overt, at least not at first.
I didn't even bother trying to hide my dejection when I walked through the door at home. By that point, I didn't care one way or the other who saw me or knew. Whatever. I told myself it didn't matter, they couldn't really hurt me. They were only words and stupid rotten idiots and we'd be moving soon anyway. I'd be able to start fresh with a new batch of horrible people to try to avoid at all costs.I walked into the kitchen to my mother's smiling face and a fresh batch of cookies.Funny what can make you break down and sob your heart out.As I fell totally and utterly apart, I felt Mom's arms go around me. I clung to her like she was my only anchor to the real world. As I wept into her, pouring out my frustration and grief in huge heaves of choking tears, she held on to me and stroked my hair.How come we couldn't keep that connection?I finally collapsed, finding one of the kitchen chairs in time to catch myself from slipping to the floor. Mom grabbed one of her own and pulled it
In bed, I poured over the day, finding it hard to shut down my mind. Now that I made my decision about school, I couldn't wait. I was looking forward to talking to Brad, to making friends, to stop volunteering as a punching bag and just be myself. And if they didn't like me? No big change there. I was mad at myself for letting the years of bullying get to me. When had I gotten so weak, so unwilling to stand up for myself? When did being like them become more important than being me?My mind shied away from the answer. I think I knew wherever it came from was at the core of my distaste for magic. Ever since I could remember, I felt an aversion to using my power, like something inside me screamed "No!" every time I tried to tap in. It didn't hurt or anything, aside from making my stomach queasy and giving me a brief case of the dizzies. It almost felt like my conscience trying to stop me. Over the years I'd grown to listen to it. Maybe it meant I wasn't supposed to be a witch after all.
I must have been way more tired than I thought because the next thing I remembered was my mom leaning over me, worry plain.She was about to be very unhappy."Syd," she helped me sit up, my comforter collapsing around me as I rubbed the blur from my eyes. "What happened?"I could tell from her stricken look she already knew her wards were gone."Not sure," I answered, getting up from the floor and gathering up my pillow and quilt. "But Gram's safe and sound, so no worries." I yawned, almost missing the fear on her face."Did she get out?" Mom stared at the door, arms hugging herself."Yeah," I said, "but she made the mistake of turning the outside light on. I spotted her and reached her in time. Man, I don't know what the Griesan's did to her but she was stirring up one whopper of a spell." I grinned.Mom spun on me. "This isn't funny, Sydlynn," she snapped. "Not even a little bit."My defenses slammed up so hard I barely had time to brace myself. "She's safe, isn't she? So are
The walk to school went a lot faster than normal, probably because I was so pumped up from the fight with Mom and Erica. I was still a raging bundle by the time I hit the steps. I didn't even for a second think about what might be awaiting me care of Alison and company. In fact, I already decided to stop waiting for them to do to me, but to seek them out instead and get whatever was coming face to face. Much preferable to being stabbed in the back over and over again.I'm pretty sure my new aggressive nature scared the crap out of the entire school, not just the mean girls. I thought the other students scattered like frightened birds on Monday. Today was a whole new ball game and I was calling the plays.Each time I encountered one of Alison's girls, instead of the punishment they planned, I had the satisfaction of seeing their sick little plot sputter and fail in their hands, unused, forgotten. I learned one thing very quickly--these bullies only picked on those who were scared of t
I made it through the rest of the day without having to turn down any more offers of best friendship, so I felt a little more emotionally stable by the time the last bell rang. I was free to escape. I could only guess Alison went home for the rest of the day because she wasn't in any of my usual classes nor at any of her typical haunts during breaks.Guess she was sick or something.I knew how she felt.I tried to talk to Brad after school but missed him. I know he saw me, but he drove off with his buddies before I had a chance to say anything to him. It felt important I know one way or another if he was angry with me.Part of me was mad at him anyway. He brought this on, after all. And how dare he be angry with me for standing up for myself? Brad could go piss off, if that was the case.The other part of me, the part that wished things could be different, wanted to know Brad did everything he could to help but his friends wouldn't let him.Yeah, right. Even I wasn't that clueles