เข้าสู่ระบบ"I don't know," I said.He took a breath and looked down at our hands, where his thumb had been moving slowly across my knuckles. I waited. The lamp hummed faintly, and I could hear the clock ticking in the hall."It isn't that I don't want to," I said quickly. "Or that I do. I think I've just never seriously pictured it, and you've clearly been picturing it for ages, and I don't want you to think that I'm saying no, because I'm not, it's only that I can't tell you it'll turn into a yes, and...""Hold on.""I'm explaining too much.""You are, a bit." He looked up, and his eyes were gentle. "I was only deciding what to say. I wasn't disappointed.""You went quiet.""I went quiet because I didn't want to say the wrong thing." He turned my hand over in his. "Then we don't know yet.""I might not know for a long time.""That's all right.""You wouldn't mind?""I didn't say I wouldn't mind. I said it's all right." He gave a small, crooked smile. "You've only just asked yourself. I can wait
"Yes," he said.He said it quietly, without a pause, the way you answer a question you have already answered many times in your own head. I looked at his face in the half-light, and there was no hesitation in it anywhere. I felt the certainty of it before I understood what I felt about the answer."Have you wanted that for a while?" I asked."A while, yes."The driver cleared his throat politely in the front, and I realised we had been sitting in the dark car for some time. We thanked him, and Damien got out and came round to open my door. The gravel crunched under our shoes, and the porch light made a yellow circle on the step. Inside, we hung up our coats, and Damien dropped his keys into the dish on the hall table.I unpacked my bag at the foot of the stairs, taking out my scarf and the book I'd bought and, finally, his tie. I hung it on the hook beside his scarf without comment, and when he noticed it a moment later, his mouth curved. We went through to the kitchen, and he filled
"You stopped," Damien said. He turned from the window and looked at me properly. "You were halfway through something about the olives.""I was going to say they were a good choice.""You were not.""I was going to say that eventually."He laughed and squeezed my knee, and I let myself finish the thought I'd been in the middle of. I told him I had liked seeing him relaxed with Marcus and Raj. He had laughed properly when Raj told his story about the broken lift, with his head tipped back and his shoulders loose, and I hadn't seen that very often at a table full of people from his working life."I liked watching you and Helen," he said. "You looked like you enjoyed losing.""I wasn't losing.""You weren't winning either.""Her pupils built a bridge out of sugar lumps. You can't win against that."He grinned, and the streetlights slid over his loosened tie. I reached up and took hold of the knot, intending to tidy it, and found myself tugging him nearer instead. He came willingly, his fa
The week passed in the ordinary way, with Damien on site Wednesday and Thursday and me buried in training plans. On Tuesday, Damien came home and told me Marcus had invited us to supper that Friday. "Nothing grand. Come and eat something," he quoted over the washing up, and I said I'd like that.On Friday evening, our driver dropped us at the door of Marcus's house, which meant I could say yes when someone offered me wine. The hall was warm and smelled of roast garlic, and voices carried from the kitchen. Marcus met us with a tea towel over his shoulder and kissed my cheek, then clapped Damien on the arm."You made it," he said. "Come and meet everyone. Don't be impressive."There were six of us round the long table. Helen taught history at a school and had firm views on how everyone pronounced "scone," and Tom was a friend of Marcus's who had recently taken up sea swimming and talked about it with an almost religious glow. There was also a quiet man called Raj who worked with Marcus
We reached the bookshop at half past ten exactly, and the door was already propped open with a stack of paperbacks. Damien gave me a look of great satisfaction, as if arriving on time were something he had arranged personally. Inside, the shop smelled of old paper and warm radiators, and the shelves were so narrow that we had to turn sideways to pass each other.Handwritten cards were tucked between the books, with recommendations in several different hands. One said, Read this on a train, and another just said, Trust me. A table by the window held a heap of second-hand paperbacks with cracked spines, and an older man sat behind the counter with his own book open, not looking up.I drifted toward the back, where a slim volume of essays about walking caught my eye. The cover was a pale watercolour of a road, and I liked it at once. Damien, by contrast, came back from the secondhand table holding a battered detective story from the fifties, with a woman on the cover screaming at a shado
"While you were weighing the potatoes, I was in the queue behind a little boy," I said. "He was buying a loaf of bread, all by himself, and he'd been given some coins in a little purse."Damien put down the glass and turned around, leaning against the sink with his arms folded. "How old?""Six, maybe. He counted them out one at a time on the counter, and the woman at the till counted along with him, under her breath.""Prompting him.""No, behind him. Half a second behind, so he'd think he'd got it right on his own.""That's still prompting.""It isn't. She never said a number first." I frowned at him. "She let him get there, and then she agreed with him. It's completely different.""Cashiers are the most underrated negotiators in the country," he said, gravely. "Did he check his change?""He counted that too, twice. Then he said thank you in his best voice and walked out holding the loaf in both arms as if it were a baby."He laughed, and it was the real one, low and surprised. I rea







