Chapter 4

VIVIAN'S POV

"I'm going back to work," I said before he could ask twice. "My old clothes weren't professional enough, so I cleared them out. You're not going to begrudge me a new wardrobe, are you?"

"Work?" He let out a short laugh — the same indulgent one he'd used on the phone, the kind you'd save for a child announcing she wants to be an astronaut. "Vivi, I thought you were joking."

"I'm not."

"I'll give you all the money you need. You don't have to work so hard."

I almost sneered. His so-called living expenses were just guilt money, wasn't it? The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I felt.

"I'm tired of staying home all day. A job would be a good change of pace."

His shoulders relaxed by half an inch. "Buy whatever you want. Exchange anything you don't like."

I'd never spent much of the money he gave me. Maybe it was an old habit, or maybe some part of me had never wanted to owe him more than I already did. This was the first time I'd thrown so much away at once, and I could almost see him deciding I'd regret it later and learn to be more careful.

Let him think that.

I returned to my desk, picked up where I'd left off in Whitmore's notes, and didn't look up again.

I used to throw myself at Nathaniel whenever he came home from a trip. I'd wrap my arms around him, talk his ear off, and drag him to bed before he'd even put down his suitcase.

Now I couldn't make myself look interested, even when I tried.

I caught something shift in his expression when he noticed. A flicker of the hunger he'd worn when we were first together and I was still pretending I didn't like him. Back then, that look had made my heart race. Now it only reminded me how easily he'd once made me feel loved.

He came around the desk and reached for me.

I stiffened before I could stop myself.

Everything about him used to make me want to move closer. Now even the smell of his cologne turned my stomach.

"I want to buy a car," I said, stepping out of his reach. "For work."

"Whatever you want." He leaned toward me anyway.

I pressed two fingers against his lips before he could kiss me.

"I'm still getting over this cold. I just took some medicine, and I'm about to fall asleep on my feet. I don't want to get you sick before a big week."

I watched him think it through. Me getting sick. Then Chloe. Then the baby.

He stepped back, satisfied with his own reasoning.

"Get some rest." He kissed my hair instead and left the room.

I waited until his footsteps faded before following him. Outside Chloe's room, I stopped. The door hadn't quite latched.

"Did you give Vivi her pill?" Chloe asked, her voice muffled. "If she's not asleep, we have to be careful. She might catch us."

“Of course. I reminded her to take, and she will fall asleep ver soon.”

For a moment, I couldn't move.

Her pill.

The words seemed ordinary enough, but something about them made my stomach tighten. What pill? Why did Chloe know about it? And why did Nathaniel sound so certain that I'd be asleep?

Before I could make sense of it, Chloe threw herself into his arms. They kissed, their mouths meeting with a familiarity that left no room for doubt. I heard the rustle of clothes and the soft sound of her laughter.

My phone was already in my hand. I started recording.

I didn't know how long I stood there. I only knew that the man I'd loved for five years was inside that room with another woman, discussing what he'd given me as if I were an inconvenience they needed to manage.

And I was standing outside, listening like a stranger in my own home.

Back in my bedroom, I shut the door and leaned against it. My fingers felt numb as I looked down at my phone. I had proof of the affair, but the words I'd overheard kept repeating in my head.

I sat very still before opening the cabinet where I kept my vitamin C, the ones he brought me every night with a glass of water and a kiss on the forehead, like the world's most devoted husband. I dissolved one in warm water and added a drop of iodine from the first aid kit. If it were really vitamin C, the color would fade almost instantly. I'd run this exact reaction a hundred times in undergrad.The water stayed brown.My brows furrowed as understanding dawned on me. The headaches. The fog some mornings that made it hard to string a sentence together.

The heaviness I'd blamed on my illness — the same illness the doctors said was finally getting better. Except it wasn't getting better, was it? Not on its own. Not when he was making sure of it.It wasn't my body. It was him, one dissolved pill at a time.I put my hand over my stomach, sick with understanding. He hadn't just been managing my moods. He'd been keeping me sick. Keeping my body from healing. Keeping me from ever being well enough to walk into a hospital and register a pregnancy that didn't exist in any legal system.

The vitamins he brought me every night, the glass of water, the kiss on the forehead — all of it was to make sure I never got better.I didn't let myself finish the thought when my phone rang.

Grandma.

I stared at her name, guilt settling over me before I even answered.

I hadn't visited in months.

My father had died when I was little, and my mother had remarried and built a new life that never seemed to have much room for me. My grandparents were the ones who had raised me. I still remembered Grandpa's hands guiding mine over the counter in his clinic when I was too short to reach it without a stool. He'd taught me to pay attention, to ask questions, and never to dismiss something simply because I didn't understand it yet.

He'd been gone since my second year of college. Afterward, Aunt Dana brought Grandma to live with her in Ashford, and I'd promised myself I'd visit more often.

Every week, I'd told myself I'd go soon.

Every week, something had come up.

"Darling," Grandma said when I answered, her familiar voice softening something inside me. "Tomorrow is your aunt's birthday. Come by if you and Natey are free."

I closed my eyes.

I didn't want to see Nathaniel. I couldn't stand the thought of sitting beside him and pretending everything was normal. But I missed Grandma. I missed the feeling of being with someone who loved me without asking me to prove I deserved it.

"Of course, Grandma," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'll come."

"Good. I've missed you, sweetheart."

The words hurt more than I expected.

"I've missed you, too."

After we hung up, I sat quietly for a while. No matter what Nathaniel had done, I wouldn't let his betrayal take away the people who still mattered to me.

I owed Grandma a visit. And this time, I wouldn't put it off.

---

The next morning, Nathaniel and Chloe were already at the breakfast table. The food was arranged like a magazine spread: rolled omelets, rice balls, and a bowl of soup that smelled genuinely homemade.

"Feeling better?" Nathaniel asked, looking far too pleased with himself.

I made a noncommittal sound and sat across from him.

"Nathan did all this himself," Chloe said brightly. "He was up before sunrise. Vivi, you're so lucky."

I looked at the spread for a moment.

Nathaniel used to burn instant noodles. Once, he'd nearly set off the smoke alarm trying to fry an egg. Back then, I'd laughed until my stomach hurt, and he'd pulled me into his arms, promising to learn how to cook for me.

Now I wondered who he'd been trying to impress when he finally learned.

"When did you learn to cook like this?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "Mostly prepped. Eat before it gets cold."

I took a few spoonfuls of soup, then set my spoon down. I had no appetite, and I didn't trust anything he prepared for me anymore.

"I'm going to my aunt's tonight. Grandma invited me."

"I haven't seen them in a while myself." Nathaniel made the decision as casually as if it had already been settled. "I'll come with you."

I looked at him. Part of me wanted to ask whether he planned to sit beside me and play the devoted husband in front of my family, too. Instead, I swallowed the question.

Chloe brightened. "I'll stay and tidy up."

"Don't bother," he told her. "Watch TV. Order in if you're hungry. Have Blake bring you lunch."

She smiled and promised to behave, waving us off like a wife seeing her husband off to work.

I turned away before my face could betray me.

Once outside, I got into the car before Nathaniel could open the door for me. I couldn't bear one more small kindness from him, not when I knew what might be hidden behind it.

As I reached for my seat belt, I noticed a leather notebook wedged into the side pocket of the passenger seat.

It wasn't mine.

I picked it up.