Chapter 4

I went to the hospital.

Elsie's attending physician was Dr. Gilbert Moss.

At the medical records window, I handed over my ID, Elsie's birth certificate, her death certificate, and the paperwork proving I was her mother. The clerk checked everything for a long time before she finally let me fill out a request for copies of the records.

When she saw Elsie's name on the death certificate, her voice softened. "She was so young."

I gripped the pen and did not look up.

Once I had signed, I took the receipt and went to find Dr. Moss.

His expression changed visibly when he saw me. "Mrs. Mathers, I'm so sorry for your loss."

I set the insurance cancellation form and the withdrawal record on his desk. "Dr. Moss, I need to know what really happened to Elsie in her last month."

Dr. Moss was silent for a long time. "You're legally entitled to copies of her records, but some of the decisions... You'd be better off asking Mr. Mathers."

I started recording. "My daughter is dead. I deserve to know how she died."

Dr. Moss took off his glasses. His eyes were tired, but there was pity in them too. He took a photocopy from his cabinet.

It was a consent form to discontinue Elsie's self-paid maintenance treatment. The form was signed by Colin, and it was dated 15 days before Elsie died.

I stared at the page as my vision slowly darkened.

For 15 days, Elsie had asked me every single day when her dad would bring her medicine. And every day, I lied to her. "Soon. Daddy's on his way. Daddy would never leave you."

Dr. Moss spoke quietly. "If she had stayed on the medication, I can't promise she would have recovered, but she could at least have held on until a new treatment plan was available."

I looked up. "Why did he stop it?"

Dr. Moss avoided my gaze. "Mr. Mathers said your family couldn't afford it, and that he didn't want her to keep suffering."

Our family could not afford it. Yet he could afford a house in a top school district, and he could afford a private room for Noah.

A nurse's voice suddenly came from outside the door. "Dr. Moss, Noah Lisle's paperwork for his upcoming surgery is still missing a copy of his guardian's ID. Mr. Mathers said he'll bring it over himself soon."

Noah. My fingers clenched tightly.

The nurse pushed the door open and stopped mid-sentence when she saw me. She lost her grip on the folder in her arms, and several payment receipts slid to the floor.

I looked down at one of them. The payer was Colin Mathers, and the patient was Noah Lisle. It covered a deposit for a private room in the ophthalmology ward, pre-op exams, and imported medication, for a total of 316 thousand dollars. It was dated the day after Elsie was taken off her medication.

I bent down to pick it up.

Dr. Moss instinctively reached out to stop me. "Mrs. Mathers, that's another patient's private information."

I looked up at him. "Another patient?"

My voice shook badly. "The day after my daughter was taken off her medication, he paid over 310,000 dollars for this boy. And you're telling me this is another patient?"

Dr. Moss said nothing.

Hurried footsteps came from the doorway. It was Colin. The hospital must have called him, because his face was terrifyingly dark.

"Laura, what kind of scene are you making at the hospital?"

I threw the consent form at him. "Why?"

Colin looked at me. "She was in too much pain."

"She wanted to live."

"I just chose the one who had a better chance of living."

I froze where I stood. My daughter's own father had decided she was the one not worth saving.

I grabbed him by the collar. "She waited for you until the day she died."

Colin's throat moved as he swallowed.

"She was scared that if you came back and saw her sleeping, you'd sneak away again. She said she'd be good and take her medicine so her daddy wouldn't leave her."

A flicker of shame crossed his eyes. That flicker was quickly cut short by his phone ringing. It was Ariana.

Colin pushed me away and answered. "Ari, don't cry. I'm at the hospital."

I slammed into the arm of a chair, and a numbing pain shot through my side.

On the other end of the line, Ariana was sobbing so hard that her words kept breaking off. "Noah is scared of the surgery. He keeps calling for you."

Colin closed his eyes for a moment. "I'll be right there."

I pulled myself up by the edge of the desk. "Colin."

He covered the phone and frowned at me. "What now?"

"Have you ever regretted it?"

Colin was silent for a moment. "I regret not ending Elsie's suffering sooner."

His words cut slowly into my chest like a dull knife. Even now, he still believed he had done nothing wrong.

Ariana tracked us down soon after. She stood beside Colin and looked at me timidly. "Laura, Noah just wants to be able to see clearly. He never did anything to hurt Elsie."

I stared at her. "No, Noah didn't."

I turned to Colin. "You two did."

Colin's face went livid. "Laura, you're not in a good state of mind right now."

He took a form out of the document envelope. It was a consent form for psychiatric intervention and supervised care, and Colin's name was signed on the family member line.

I laughed out loud. "You signed to stop Elsie's medication. You signed to donate Elsie's corneas. Now you're signing to have me locked up too."

I looked up at him. "Colin, what exactly are Elsie and I to you?"

He did not answer.

Two people in orderly uniforms walked toward me. I backed away until my spine hit the cold wall.

Colin spoke in a low voice. "Take her somewhere to rest."

I was locked in a care facility. The windows in my room were sealed shut, my phone had been taken away, and someone stood guard outside my door 24 hours a day. They said I was overwhelmed by grief and posed a danger to others.

I climbed out through the small bathroom window while the orderlies were changing shifts. The glass cut open my calf, and blood ran down to my ankle, yet I did not feel any pain at all. All I wanted was to get to the hospital, because I had overheard a nurse calling Colin.

"Mr. Mathers, the eye bank says the refusal has been put on hold pending review. The recipient's pre-op guardian paperwork has to be completed tonight."

It was already 2:00 am by the time I reached the hospital. The lights outside the eye surgery unit were blazing.

Ariana sat on a chair with Noah in her arms. His eyes were covered in gauze, and he was crying that they hurt. Colin crouched in front of him, patiently soothing him.

"Be a good boy, Noah. Once the surgery's over, you'll be able to see the board at school."

Noah sniffled. "Colin, will that little girl get hurt?"

Colin stroked his hair. "No, she won't. She's already asleep."

I stood at the end of the hallway, and the blood in my veins turned cold.

Ariana spotted me first, and her face paled. "Laura, how did you get out?"

Colin turned around. Panic flashed across his eyes before it quickly turned into anger.

I walked toward them one step at a time. "When is the surgery?"

He blocked my way. "Don't start."

I stared him straight in the eye. "I'm asking you when they're taking Elsie's corneas."

Ariana held Noah tighter as tears rolled down her face. "Noah really can't wait any longer. Laura, you're a mother too. Please, just this once, try to understand."

I looked at her. "So you know you're a mother."

I pointed at the operating room. "Your son is the one waiting to see again, and my daughter is the one you two forced to close her eyes for good."

The hallway went quiet.

A nurse hurried out of the office with a document envelope in her hand. "Mr. Mathers, we still need a copy of your ID for the young recipient's pre-op guardian paperwork. The relationship you list also has to match his admission records. You can't put godfather anymore."

Colin's expression changed abruptly. "Give that to me."

His tone startled the nurse, and she lost her grip on the envelope. Several pages slid to the floor.

I bent down and picked up the one on top. Colin lunged to snatch it from me, but I had already read it.

The recipient was Noah Lisle, and the guardian was Colin Mathers. Written plainly in the relationship field was the word "father."

I looked up at Colin as a roar filled my ears.

It turned out he was not incapable of being a father. He had simply saved that role for another child. From beginning to end, my Elsie had been nothing more than a life he carelessly crushed while clearing the way for another child.