Ch. 5 Dream of him

It’s early afternoon when I settle beneath a beautiful tree at the park. In spring, this place is breathtaking—full of blooming flowers and a few imported Japanese cherry trees. They’re my favorite. Cherry blossoms have always felt like a symbol of life and new beginnings. Something I needed to see after last night... and this morning’s terrifying—

Dream?

Is that what it was? A dream? Or a vision of what would’ve happened if I’d waited to call the police?

Not Jensen’s face still haunts me. Just as Jensen’s actions after that still scare me, I can’t stop thinking about them. How does he pull my consciousness into those replica spaces? Are they even replicas—or is he somehow manipulating the very space we’re in, making it seem like another place? Who the hell is Jensen Parker?

Feeling the dread from this morning still clawing at the edges of my mind, I crack open the book I brought with me—a good romantic comedy. Something light, a little funny, and a whole lot of sexy. Just what I need to reset the fog settling in my brain.

Maybe you just need sex… I think to myself. How long has it been? When was the last time I let anyone touch me? I stew on the thought for a few minutes realizing it’s been far too long. Well before Arren’s case came across my desk. And after seeing what he did to those women, it just didn’t feel right to be intimate with anyone. Let alone a man.

But Jensen…

Fuck. Stop thinking about him.

I snap the book shut and bury my hands in my hair, elbows pressed to my knees. The thoughts won’t stop. His cocky smirk at my conference table yesterday with Arren. The silent rage in his eyes this morning after the dream—or vision—with Not Jensen. The way his sweater fit just right. The way he placed his hand on my knee when he pulled me into the replica coffee shop...

I can’t get him out of my head.

When I realize the spiral won’t stop, I get up and pack my things. Time to move. The park is busy today—people walking their dogs, playing disc golf, doing Pilates on yoga mats under the sun. It makes me wish I could focus on those kinds of things. Makes me wish I could be like them—breathing easy under the cherry blossoms that fall like snow.

I wipe my eyes and head for the subway.

~

There’s no little boys and Beta fishes on this subway ride. No Jensen either. I took the subway back to Lucy’s neighborhood and headed up to the apartment above her still busy coffee shop.

I remember Lucy said she’d make dinner tonight, and whatever she’s making smells divine.

“Luce! I hope you have enough going for me to eat 10 plates of whatever you’re making,” I call out to her as I set my belongings by the door. I hear her hearty laugh and her music flowing from the kitchen, so I follow it in there. “Can I help with anything?”

As I round the corner, I see her dark curled hair pulled into a high ponytail. I tug it a little and hug her waist, tucking my own coppery hair behind my ears to lean in and give the pot a big sniff.

“If you could bottle smells, this one would be the best seller. Man, this dish smells delicious! I can’t wait to eat! What is it and will bread ruin it?”

She gives me a big smile, “Bread is in the oven, fresh sourdough just like my mother makes. This is my mom’s mushroom risotto, and if you hate it… well you can just eat bread for all I care!”

I laugh as I gather bowls and small plates from her cabinets and silverware from the drawers. Just as I set everything on the counter the over timer goes off, the bread is ready. I grab oven mitts to pull the loaf of sourdough from the oven. It’s the perfect loaf, round and beautifully golden. I can’t wait to dig in.

“Where do we want to eat? Dining table or couch? Also, wine to drink or something else. I think I have water or some sort of soda,” Lucy says as she fills our bowls with the risotto.

I transfer the hot loaf to a folded tea towel and find the bread knife, “Dining table is fine with me, and I’ll just drink water tonight. With the day I’ve had I don’t think wine is a good idea.” I walk my items over to the table where a butter bell is already waiting.

“Perfect, this is going to hit the spot, I think! Oh, do you want glass or plastic to drink from?”

“Plastic is fine! There’s no need to be fancy for me,” I laugh, taking the bowl from her so she can grab our drinks. “I’ve already broken a mug today; I don’t need to break a glass.”

Finally sitting to eat she tells me about her day, “Ethan, the morning regular, asked for my number today! Not that I’m all that surprised, but it was sweet. I wrote it on his to-go cup, silly, I know!”

Between savoring bites of the risotto and bread I express my shock but agree with the sweet sentiment, “For the record, I don’t think writing your number on his to-go cup is silly! I think it’s cute! Like a schoolgirl writing her crush notes!”

We’re still giggling as we finish our bowls of risotto, “Lucy this was the best dinner I’ve had in a long while, thank you.”

She reaches to grab my hand, “Of course! Least I could do! Think you want to sleep in the guest room tonight or do you want to stay on the couch again? I’m not sure how much sleep you got last night, though I can’t really blame you much if you didn’t. With what happened last night, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep if I were you either.”

I sit back in my chair and look at her, sighing, “I’ll try the guest room tonight. Last night was rough but I think tonight might be better. Hopefully. Hey, can I ask you… Did you see where Jensen went when I dropped my mug this morning?”

“Jensen? The guy that sat in your seat this morning?” She looks at me with a puzzled expression, “El, he left after you asked for your seat. He gave it to you and walked out when I was bringing you your coffee.”

I stare at her. Walked out? No, he was there, right? In the settee…

“Lucy, he didn’t go sit in the settee by the counter like yesterday? The green one?”

She shakes her head looking at me with more concern. She reaches her hand out for mine again to hold it, maybe to stabilize me, bring me back to reality.

“He was there, Lucy, I saw him. He was sitting in the settee after giving me my seat. I swear it. I’m not imagining it… right? I… he was there…”

“Oh Eloise… no, honey, I saw him leave.”

I stand from the table, “Thanks for dinner, Luce, I think I need to lay down.” I place my hand on my forehead as I walk around the table taking my glass of water with me. I head to the guestroom, set the glass on the side table, and sit on the floor.

He left. He was never there. Did he pull me to a replica space like I thought?

He left.

He…left.

He. Left. Was he ever even there?

With my head in my hands, I sit in silence for what seems like hours. I hear Lucy walk by and close the door to the guestroom, to give me privacy, I’m sure. She’s thoughtful. There’s a reason she’s my best friend. I’m very thankful to have her in my life right now.