Chapter 5 Focus Ella, Focus!

ELLA

“Open the fucking door, Ella!” Another loud bang came on the mahogany wood.

The force shook the door, nearly shifting it off its hinges, and the knob rattled.

“Come on, Ella, open up. Don’t be such a bitch.”

I said nothing. I refused to. I just prayed that he would get tired and leave. Or, in the provision that he wouldn't, that this door between us would hold long enough till his mother returned and hopefully catch him here.

“Goddamn it, Ella! You’re such a little brat, huh.” Another heavy bang sounded again. “You think I can’t get in. You think I don’t have the power to subdue you if I want. You don’t scare me, you hear me, stupid girl. You don’t. Now. Open. The. Damn. Door!”

God, please. God, please.

“Jack?” My teary eyes shot open when I heard that voice.

Mother.

“Where are you? Who are you yelling at?” She spoke again, and suddenly, Jack stopped hitting the door.

“Thank goodness you're here, honey. Your daughter has had me in a swivet for almost thirty minutes now. She suddenly threw a fit and locked herself in the bathroom. I've been trying to get her to talk for the past thirty minutes, but all she does is scream and hit the door!”

I was unbothered by the lies he told my mother. She wouldn't believe me anyway.

“Ella? Open the door right now!” She ordered, but I let my body slip to the floor, hugging myself tightly as I cried into my lap.

“Ella!”

“You see what I've been saying, honey. This girl is becoming too bratty to tolerate, and it's not healthy for my blood pressure. It would be best to let her know it is not okay to do things like this,” he feigned concern.

“I'll talk to her, Jack. Let's get you some water. You look exhausted,” she said to him.

“But Ella is still in there…”

“I'll talk to her, honey. Let's go. I don't know where she got that stinking attitude from.”

Once I heard the door close, I grabbed my clothes and dashed to the bedroom door. Once it was securely shut, I curled on my bed, allowing the tears to flow once more as I clutched tightly to the sheets.

A few minutes later, the bedroom door handle twisted, forcing my body to shoot up in fright.

Please don't tell me he's back… Please…

“Ella!” my mother's voice sent a wave of relief through me. “Open the door; we need to talk!”

When I didn't respond, she blew up.

“You know, you have some audacity to lock doors in my house and ignore the rest of us like we are equals! Just because you're almost eighteen doesn't give you the right to disrespect me or my husband!”

When I didn’t reply, she soon realized she was wasting her time and resigned with a threat.

“You're lucky I have something to do right now, but when I get back, I’ll straighten out your manners. I raised you better than this!”

I heard her stomp away and scoffed tearfully.

She raised me better than this? The woman didn't even know half of the things going on in my life, yet she thought she had a hand in my upbringing.

Fresh tears blurred my vision, and a sob escaped my lips.

Burying my face back in the bed and my entire body shaking violently, I cried heavily.

I cried until there was no more strength in me left. I wanted to scream and yell and curse. I hated this life. I hated this place. I hated them. With every fucking fiber of my being.

‘Stop crying, Ella. You’re safe now. He’s gone.’ Ava tried to calm me down.

“For today, he is. Who knows? He can probably sneak into my room later tonight, target me tomorrow, or whenever his drunken whims get to him. It is never safe, Ava. It is…”

I felt something touch me, and I jerked, my head flying to the side to check who it was. But it was nobody. Just my stupid wet hair clinging to my skin.

Still, I felt uneasy—so much so that my fingers twitched, and I felt like cutting my hair.

I didn’t want anything touching me or my skin because it brought back memories—memories I didn’t want at all.

I sat up, my breath coming out in ragged gasps, and grabbed the scissors on my bedside table.

My hands shook as I took a handful of my hair and cut a big chunk off it.

My body shook so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks again, but I didn’t stop.

Strands of wet hair fell to the floor, and with each snip, I did feel a bit free, as though I was shedding away the day’s horrors.

The scissors clicked rhythmically, and half of my hair soon lay in a messy heap around me. I dropped the scissors, running my fingers through the uneven, jagged edges.

I stood up and looked at myself in the bedside mirror. My reflection showed a different person—a girl with short, choppy hair and red eyes.

She had a strange yet familiar face. I sighed deeply and ran my hands through the hair, simultaneously feeling a strange sense of relief.

‘You're still beautiful, Ella,’ Ava suddenly chirped, and for the first time today, I smiled—a genuine, wild-smacking one.

“Thanks, Ava. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’d probably go crazy.”

‘I know. It’s time to clean your bruises, though.’

The bruises.

I looked at myself again, and that’s when I saw the bruises I’d sustained from the beer bottle on the side of my face.

I reached out to gently touch it, but it stung like hell, so I retracted my fingers quickly.

Tearing my gaze away from the mirror and catching a glimpse of the first aid kit stashed under my bed, I hurried over and pulled it out.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I opened it and began cleaning the scrapes and bruises.

A sharp sting made me wince as I dabbed antiseptic on a particularly nasty cut on my forehead.

I hadn’t even realized how much my mother hurt me until now. The bruises on my forehead and temple looked very red and stood out starkly against my pale skin.

Great, I thought with a sigh, applying the plasters with care. Just great.

I could easily hide the bruises on my face with little makeup. But what of the ones on my neck?

I would have to wake up an hour earlier than usual to treat the scars and apply concealer and other heavy makeup.

I didn’t even have much concealer left, which meant I would have to buy more. The idea of going to the store and spending my hard-earned savings on this made me angry.

“Gosh!” I half-yelled under my breath. “I just can’t wait to be done with this school and leave this place. I…”

‘So you still plan on leaving this town?’ Ava asked, and I paused mid-sentence.

“Well, yeah, I am. I hate this house. I hate school already. I hate this fucking town. I hate every fucking thing, so why should I bother to stay back?”

‘Hm.’

“I’m serious, Ava. I'm getting out of here once I finish my senior year.”

‘And then what? Do you know what you want to do once you’re back in Seattle?

I paused for a moment to think. I hadn't given it much thought before. I just knew I wanted to leave here, and desperately so.

“I don’t know yet, Ava,” I admitted. “Maybe go to college, then get a job, find an apartment...just anything…anything to start fresh.”

‘Okay. That sounds like a good plan,’ Ava mumbled. ‘And, um, I meant to ask you what you think about those twins.

“Twins?”

‘Yep. The ones that cornered you at school.’

“Oh. You mean Tristan and Nathan?” I mused, suddenly giggling, and Ava hummed in response.

“I don’t know.”

‘Do you like them?’

“Huh? What?”

‘What? I’m just asking. You do know I’m in you right? I can feel your emotions, and earlier, when you met them, you were all over the place.’

“Oh, come on, Ava. I don’t like them. Or let’s say I do; they are handsome, but I think that’s all there is to it. And my emotions were all over the place because of my stupid hormones, nothing else.”

‘Nothing else, you think? But your emotions were high for not just one of them but two. Is that just some hormone?’

“Yes. And it’s not a bad thing to like no…” I quickly corrected myself. “…to be attracted to two handsome twin brothers. Or is it?”

Ava didn’t say anything in reply, leaving me alone, and I sighed.

Attraction. Yes, that was it. Like was a powerful word to capture precisely what I’d felt towards Tristan & Nathan.

Despite how rough they’d seemed with me, there was no denying they were very handsome, which was the basis of my attraction. It was only physical.

Which girl in her teens wouldn’t be attracted to them?

“Get your head back together, Ella. You need to stop thinking about the twins or whatever physical pull you feel towards them. You are returning to Seattle, which should be your first priority—not how to sleep with some twins who probably don’t care about you. Don’t get distracted,” I said sternly to myself, instantly getting rid of thoughts that didn’t align with my goal.

Wise choice. I needed to stay focused.

‘I hope you do stay focused, child. I hope you stay true to your words.’ Ava subtly chirped in, and it was strange how her words were all I dwelled upon for the rest of the evening.