76

"Aren't you tired?" He asked and I sighed before turning to him.

"Yeah but I need to shower." I said smiling, but I was exhausted.

"Your clothes are still in the closet." Clayton said and I nodded before shutting the door so that I was alone in the bathroom.

Something about that last sentence made me break inside.

He'd kept my clothes all these years... Years. I'd missed years with him. Years I'd never get back.

I'd killed so many wolves and suddenly their faces and screams were echoing through my ears. I tried to shake it away and I turned on the shower before getting in.

The water was warm and it ran over my face. I took deep breaths trying to shut it all out; telling myself it was all okay now, but I couldn't.

My legs buckled underneath me and I sunk to the shower floor. Tattered breaths that quickly turned into what could be considered a blend between chocking and sobs escaped me and I hugged myself as the water pelted me.

I could smell the blood. The gasoline. The burning flesh... I could hear the gunshots, the whines of the wounded and dying. The howls of pain and suffering. The snarls, growls of rage. The cries. The last fighting gasps for breath.

It was like I was there again. Like nothing had changed. It was all so vivid.

I lathered soap on a towel and started scrubbing but even then I still felt dirty. I felt like all the people were on me. As if all the blood still stained my skin, gunpowder residue still laced my fingers, ashes still caught in my hair. My hands shook and I scrapped against my skin with my nails, determined to make the feeling leave. I ignored the pain and kept doing it all the while adding soaps and scratching harder. Water cascaded through my hair and down my body, mingling with the soap and bad memories.

But it wasn't washing them away. Wasn't making me feel cleansed. Wasn't purging away my thoughts. Wasn't was all it was doing.

After a while I stopped and stood under the shower. My now raw skin burned at the touch of the water.

"Katlyn look at me baby. Katlyn." I realized someone was shaking me and I opened my eyes to see Clayton staring at me with concerned eyes. His hair was dripping and the shower was off. His hands rubbed my shoulders softly and he brushed the tears and hair from my face.

My lips quivered as I looked at him and then I flung myself into his arms. He wrapped his strong arms around me and I sobbed into his chest.

"I'm such a bad person Clay. I killed so many people and I liked it! I didn't care about them at all. I didn't care if I was killing a father, mother, child; I just killed them! Then burned them! And then I acted like it was perfectly fine! But it's not- it's not... I hate myself." I cried and Clayton held me to him.

"Don't even think like that. You're so wrong Katy. That girl wasn't you. You'd have never done that. This," Clayton said hugging me to him and kissing my forehead.

"This beautiful woman that's crying in my arms. My light in the darkness. This angel with a heart big enough she let a demon like me in. This queen that made me of all people fall in love with her. This is you." Clayton said and rocked me gently back and forth.

"You're you. And I'm going to love you no matter what. Do you understand?" Clayton growled and I nodded softly my sobs quieting. Tears pooled in my eyes and down my cheeks.

"Even when you cry, you're beautiful." Clayton sighed. I managed a weak smile and pulled away a little.

"What if Kaden doesn't like me?" I asked suddenly fearful. Clay looked at me as if I was crazy.

Hell I kind of was.

"You're his mother Katy. He's going to love you. Wanna go see him?" He said and I nodded my head, heart thumping against my chest like a wild bull trying to escape a holding pen.

"Okay let's get dressed. He should be up by now." My husband said and helped me up.

Hey guysss

Kaden's P. O. V. ���

I got out of bed and stretched. My hand ran through my light brown hair and I sighed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

Something felt different this morning but I couldn't tell what it was. I shrugged and made my way to my dresser and pulled out some clothes before slipping them on. I had a little trouble with the button on my pants but I got it eventually.

I opened the door and walked down the hallway and stopped when I heard a shower going. I realized it was coming from Daddy's room and I walked toward it. I slowed my pace as I heard crying and then I heard Daddy's muffled voice saying something. I instantly knew who was crying and it made me want to cry.

It was Mommy.

Mommy was crying and that made me sad. I whimpered and backed away from the door.

Daddy would make it better.

I wanted to see her.

I tried to do the mind link thing but it was too hard and gave me a headache.

I sighed and went to the kitchen to go get some breakfast. I walked down the halls and went into the kitchen and paused when I saw Uncle Dalton and Drew making pancakes. They were bickering over how much butter to add to the stacks already on plates.

"Just a little." Drew growled and Dalton shot him a glare and bared his fangs.

"They don't have any at all. You just put a speck on them." Dalton countered and Drew sighed and crossed his arms. He turned back to the stove and started flipping the others.

"Fine. I guess you're right." Drew grumbled and Dalton smiled in triumph.

"You know I'm right." He said and nipped Drew's ear affectionately. I cleared my throat softly and they whirled around looking shocked.

"Dam-ang. Uhh, hey Kaden. We're just making breakfast." Dalton said and I nodded.

"Mommy was crying. I heard her." I said softly. Sadness flooded through me and pain stabbed my chest. A soft whimper made its way out of me.

The two tensed and looked at me with worry.

"I wanna see her." I said and the two sighed.

"You'll see her soon." Drew said with a smile but I could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

"Thanks for trying to cheer me up..." I grumbled and pulled a chair back so I could sit down, "but I'm not sure if I ever will. What if she's never better?"

I plopped down in the seat and my uncles looked at each other nervously.

"Well... I... I..." Dalton's voice cracked a little as he fumbled for words and he sucked in a breath before saying sadly, "Your mother is the strongest, stubbornest, bravest girl I've ever known. She'll get better; you understand that?" Then without another word he fled the kitchen and his mate watched him leave with a sigh.

"They were such good friends... he misses her too Kaden. We all do." Drew said sitting some pancakes in front of me along with a plate of bacon.

"Eat up Kade." He said and ruffled my hair a bit.