2. Fight For Her

If going back in time was possible, I’d very much like to do it now. ~ A Gupta

COLE

My whole body turned toward her when she came out of the house and made her way toward me as if she was the sun and I was the man searching for light my whole life. But I realised a moment later, no she was not coming toward me, but to Kevin who was make her wag to her and met her halfway on the stairs.

With my heart pounding in my chest a mile per second, I took her in. She was still as fucking beautiful as she was eighteen months ago. As breath-taking as she was the day I had found her. But she was different. She wasn’t wearing the same style of clothes she used to wear. She wasn’t covered from head to toe like she was afraid of letting anyone see her. No, now she was in a calf length midi dress without sleeves with nude heels instead of the sneakers she liked. I missed that small detail and wondered how could she change so much. It felt like just yesterday I saw her, with the way I had been living it was impossible to forget her when her memories haunted me without any reprieve. But my memories seemed to be inadequate now for what I was seeing. The girl I loved in my memories was different from the one standing there in the sunlight, smiling at Kevin.

I watched, not believing my own eyes as my heart stuttered in my chest like it has forgotten how to function, as Kevin held out a hand and with a sweet curve to her lips she placed her hand in his, letting him guide her down the stairs. My heart sank when I realised that she wasn’t even going to give me a mere glance as she looked at Mr Carter and signed, ‘Dad, bye. See you later.’

Mr Carter gave her an adoring smile as he replied, “Be safe.” Turning to Kevin, he added, “Bring her back on time.”

Kevin nodded and then put his arm around her as he started to walk toward his car. And I stood there, aghast that she just completely ignored me as if I was never a part of her life. As if she didn’t even know me, like I didn’t know her body inside out, like I hadn’t spent my every waking moment missing her.

I knew it was my fault that I left but how could she just... “I told you, she has changed.” Mr Carter said, bringing my attention back to him from where I was staring at the back of the car that drove away with her in it.

I stood there unable to form words as she had rendered me speechless. I didn’t know why I thought that I could make everything perfect the way it was by just returning back to her side but it seemed she readily gave my place to someone else and it fûcking hurt too much to explain, to put into my words. It hurt like someone just stabbed me in the chest and left the knife there. The waves of hurt and rejection washed over me like sweet poison and I realized with a heavy heart that no matter how much I had reasoned with my decision at that time, I had made a fûcking mistake by leaving.

But as I stood there I made a silent vow to myself that no matter what, I’ll get my princess back. She was mine. And even if I’d have to fight her for her, I will. I wouldn’t give up on her and the future I came back for. I knew that I had made a mistake and hurt her when I had left without any explanation but I will make everything right, I’ll show her there was no one for her but me. Especially not that preppy douchebag.

Because I didn’t have any other choice but to gain her forgiveness or spent the rest of my life in misery.

.

VIOLET

I fisted my trembling fingers and took breaths in the rhythm of eight, four and seven as Mrs Kara had suggested. Kevin’s warm had came to rest on my thigh and he gave me a small comforting squeeze and then took his hand away a few seconds later, not lingering there as he knew that even though I was trying with him as best as I could there was still a part of me that didn’t accept his touch.

When I looked up at him. He gave me an encouraging smile. “Better?” I nodded. “Good.” He said, “Hailey is really excited for today.”

‘Did you bring the portrait?’

He nodded at the back of the seat as he answered, “Yeah, it’s in the backseat. You really didn’t have to do that, you know.”

I smiled. ‘Its really okay. I love her. She deserves everything she wants.’

“You know what she wants...” He said softly and I looked down at my hands.

So many times Hailey had asked for me to stay with them, sometimes she goes as far as to say that she wishes I was her mother. But as much as I loved her, it was still difficult for me to imagine my future with Kevin. We had progressed from what we were but I couldn't seem to cross that one line that will help me in making my decision. If I hadn’t been introduced to pleasure and didn’t know that I could experience that feeling where I felt free of the shackles of my past, I might not give it a second thought but with Kevin there was no hunger inside me to be with him. My body didn’t feel calm and safe with him, no matter how much my mind knew and reminded me that he wouldn’t hurt me.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look?” He said in a way of changing the subject but there was one subject that we both were skirting around and not evening mentioning.

Cole was back.

The man for whom I had cried countless tears was back.

He was there standing with my father, looking like he just stepped out of my dreams, that finally God granted me the prayer I used to pray every night in the beginning while crying my heart out when he had left. But now I didn't know what to do.

The familiar pain gripped my chest and my eyes pricked with oncoming tears, my therapist has told me on many occasions that it was okay to cry but I didn’t want to cry anymore. I really didn’t. I wanted to not care that he was back, I wanted it to not affect me. I had been so sure as I had started to build myself back up that it wouldn’t matter to me if I ever see him again or not. Oh, how wrong I was.

It really had started to feel like I was moving on with my life. I was finally starting to feel a little bit happy. No, you were just existing, trying to be happy but not happy. I ignored my thoughts as my mind raced back to the man who was responsible for the unending pain that had gripped me since he left like I didn’t matter to him a bit.

The whole time I had ignored him, a part of me had cried to look at him, to take a glance at the man I had trusted with myself. I had felt his eyes on me as I had walked away with Kevin. But I had managed to not give into my weak desires, it was stupid to even want to see him now when he was the reason I suffered through so many nightmares. My monsters resurfacing in the dark and every time I had woken up alone in my bedroom I had searched for him. And every fucking time my heart had broken anew to realise that he wasn’t there, that he left me. He wasn't there when I needed him like the protective angel he was in the beginning. No, he just didn't care about what will happen to me when he left.

But he was here now...

Yes, now he was here. And for whatever reason he had come back for, one thing I’d make sure was to not let him see how he had shattered me and left me in a mess. I’ll not let him see my cracks in the armor that I had built in his absence. This time he won’t be getting any closer to my broken parts that I had learned to hide so well. I won’t give him another chance to take the hammer to my fragile shell, this time I won’t trust him. No matter what.

.

A. Gupta