Chapter 4

My finger hovered over the text box for a long time before I replied.

[Did you forget? I'm at a health retreat.]

[The signal is bad.]

I thought he wouldn't press further. He was never interested in my whereabouts.

But to my surprise, Julian pressed.

[Which retreat? Where is it?]

He was finally willing to give me a little attention away from the chessboard.

But the car had already stopped at the hospital entrance. I didn't reply.

The hospice care wing here was in a separate building behind the main hospital.

Away from the chaos of the emergency room, it was as quiet as another world.

A nurse helped me with the admission process.

Her voice was gentle, as if she were afraid of disturbing something.

"Ms. Ava, your room is on the third floor. It has a nice view of the garden."

"Do you need me to notify any family?"

I shook my head. "There's no family to notify."

She nodded without asking any more questions.

The nurses here were very professional, accustomed to all kinds of goodbyes.

The room was cozier than I had imagined.

Pale blue wallpaper, soft lighting.

Outside the window, there was indeed a small garden, where a few cherry blossom trees were shedding their petals.

I had just changed into a hospital gown when my phone rang again.

A voicemail from Julian.

"Ava, I just passed by that coffee shop we used to go to."

His voice sounded relaxed, completely unaware of anything unusual.

"They have a new barista. Chloe says the new lattes are much better."

"She suggested we go try them when I get back."

But I still keenly heard Chloe's bright laughter in the background.

Even our shared memories now had a third person in them.

I turned off the voicemail and put the phone aside.

The night deepened, and the room was silent.

Only the distant hum of machinery could be heard.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

I thought of the countless nights like this over the past ten years.

Julian in the study, researching chess games, while I lay in bed alone, waiting for him.

Sometimes he wouldn't come to bed until dawn.

I had long since grown used to being alone.

I don't know how much time passed. I was drifting off to sleep when Julian's call came.

The insistent ringing sounded especially harsh in the darkness.

I answered and heard his commanding tone.

"Ava, I need you to do me a favor."

"Chloe is going to be home late because of her pre-match preparations."

"I need you to go to her apartment right now and feed her cat."

I was stunned for a few seconds.

"Julian, I told you I'm not in New York."

"Then go back," his voice grew cold. "This is an emergency. I can't have Chloe's performance affected by this."

I thought of my severe allergy to cat fur.

Every time I was exposed, it triggered asthma and hives.

In my current physical condition, it could be fatal.

"Julian, you know I'm allergic to cats…"

"An allergy?" he cut me off impatiently. "Ava, don't make a big deal out of nothing."

"It's just feeding a cat. Can't you wear a mask?"

"This is to support my chess partner. Are you not even willing to do that much?"

My voice grew weaker. "I really can't…"

"Can't what? Are you that busy?" Julian's voice suddenly rose.

"Ava, for the last ten years, isn't the only thing you've cared about getting me to marry you?"

"And now that I ask you to do something productive, you make excuses?"

"How selfish can you be?"

I heard Chloe's voice in the background. "Julian, don't be like that with Ava…"

I leaned back against the hospital bed, listening to his accusations.

Tears of frustration streamed down my face.

For ten years, it was true that I had no life of my own, no career, no friends.

He was the entire center of my world.

But now, in one of the few moments I truly needed to think of myself, he finally said what was on his mind.

In his eyes, I was just a selfish, dramatic woman.

A burden who did nothing but chase a ring.

I wiped away a tear and let out a short, bitter laugh.

"You're right, Julian."

"I'm very busy."

"I'm busy dying."