Chapter 4

Before dawn, black mourning drapes had already been hung around the courtyard.

Clara helped me change into my burial dress, her tears dripping onto my collar.

"My lady, please let me go to the south with you."

The steward stood in the doorway, blocking her way.

"His Highness has already granted you your freedom. Ms. Ashford will be taking on a new name and identity. She can't have anyone with her who knows the truth."

Clara dropped to her knees, crying.

"My lady always starts coughing when winter comes, and she keeps waking from nightmares at night. Without me, who's going to remember to warm her medicine?"

I placed the contract binding her to my service in her hand.

"You don't have to take care of me anymore," I said.

As they led Clara away, she kept looking back every few steps.

"My lady, when you get to the south, please make sure you eat properly. Don't keep taking your anger out on your own health."

I watched as they closed the door, leaving Clara outside. But I made no promise.

My parents and Julian had already arrived.

My mother tucked a scented sachet into my hand.

"It contains the calming herbs you used to sleep with when you were little. If you have trouble sleeping once you reach the south, keep it beside your pillow."

After saying that, she reminded me of one more thing.

"From now on, don't ask anyone to send letters home for you. You're already dead. If you keep in touch with us, everything we've arranged today will have been for nothing."

I ran my fingers over the orchid embroidered on the sachet.

When I was gravely ill as a child, my mother stayed by my side for three days and three nights. She'd told me I was her own flesh and blood. As long as I was alive and well, she wanted nothing more.

Even now, she still remembered my trouble sleeping, and she still couldn't bear to part with me.

But she'd already prepared the sachet for me, along with the words that meant we'd never see each other again for the rest of our lives.

Julian stood beside the coffin.

"The house in the south is ready. The backyard is full of cherry trees. I think you'll like it."

I glanced at him.

"I like magnolias."

He was taken aback.

The year we married, Julian and I planted a magnolia tree in the courtyard together. He rolled up his sleeves and dug the hole, getting dirt all over his face.

I laughed at the mess he'd made of himself, so he deliberately smeared a little dirt on the tip of my nose, too.

He promised to build a swing beneath the tree when the magnolias bloomed.

The tree bloomed the following year, but Julian had already left for the border. I didn't let the servants build the swing because I wanted to wait for him to come home and make it himself.

Then news of his death reached Kingsbridge.

I spent an entire night sitting alone beneath the magnolia tree.

In the end, the swing he'd promised me was never built.

Julian spoke softly.

"I remembered wrong. Once you reach the south, I'll have the cherry trees replaced with magnolias."

The time was drawing near, but Adrian still hadn't appeared.

The steward explained, "His Highness is at the palace, presiding over General Whitmore's ceremony honoring his military achievements. He said Ms. Ashford has always been understanding, so there's no need for her to wait for him."

My father immediately spoke up.

"In that case, let's begin. We mustn't let the funeral arrangements cast a shadow over today's celebrations."

Julian dissolved the Deathveil Pills in the medicine.

I hid what I was doing behind my handkerchief as I added the rat poison to the medicine.

The liquid rippled slightly before quickly settling again.

My mother brought over some candied fruit.

"You've always hated bitter medicine. Pop one of these in your mouth after you finish, and it won't taste so bad."

I looked at her and suddenly remembered my wedding day. She had held me close and cried, telling me that I'd always have a home to come back to. If Julian ever treated me badly, I could return whenever I wanted.

And I'd believed her all those years. But when I finally came home, she combed my hair, made me vanilla custard, and personally held my burial dress against me to check the fit.

My mother remembered everything. She just never asked whether I wanted to leave.

Julian held out the medicine to me.

"You'll only be asleep for six hours. Once the ceremony is over, I'll come and get you outside the city."

My father spoke up, too.

"Evelyn, you've always been so understanding, even as a child. Just help the family get through this one last time."

I took the medicine and downed it in one go.

My mother hurriedly offered me some candied fruit.

I shook my head. A little sweetness might make a pretend death easier to bear, but I had no need for it. Mine would be real.

Julian helped me lie down in the coffin and straightened my dress.

"Don't be afraid. I promise I'll wake you in six hours."

My father added a warning.

"Don't open the coffin until you're outside the city. We can't afford to leave any evidence behind."

My mother held my hand, her tears falling between my fingers.

"Take good care of yourself when you reach the south. Please don't blame me."

The poison gradually began to take effect. It felt as though a heavy weight was pressing down on my chest, and the voices around me grew more and more distant.

Three years ago, Julian had shared a cherry pastry with me outside the city gates and asked me to wait for his return.

Two years ago, Adrian had carried me away from the memorial hall. He told me that from then on, he would never let me wait alone for a dead man again.

The man I'd waited for had returned alive. And the man who'd promised to stay by my side had finally gotten the ending he wanted.

One was receiving military honors, while the other had cleared his name. Everyone could start over.

But all they'd left me was a new identity, a house in an unfamiliar place, and a comfortable life that came with one condition. I could never return to Kingsbridge.

They called it a way out for me. But I no longer wanted the life they'd planned for me.

At last, Adrian's voice came from outside the courtyard.

"Has she taken the medicine?"

The steward replied in a low voice, "Just now, Your Highness."

Footsteps stopped beside the coffin.

Adrian noticed the candied fruit in my mother's hand and frowned.

"Why didn't you give her any? She hates bitter medicine."

I wanted to tell him he needn't bother. From now on, I'd never have to swallow anything bitter again, no matter how bitter.

My mother still held my hand and kept reassuring me.

"You're just going to sleep for a while. Evelyn, everything will be fine when you wake up."

I slowly closed my eyes. The last faint beats of my heart finally came to a stop.