I Was the Child They Never Loved

My sister, Hannah Hayward, only mentioned that she had a bit of a fever, and the whole family sprang into action.

Dad grabbed his car keys and headed for the door. "I'll get the car. We're going to the hospital right now."

My brother, Drew Hayward, pulled out his phone to look up nearby hospitals. "I'll register at the ER so we don't have to wait in line when we get there."

Hannah stood in the middle of all of them with a sheepish little smile. "It's just a mild fever. You really don't have to make such a big deal out of it."

Mom had already pulled a jacket out of the closet and draped it over Hannah's shoulders herself, her voice impossibly soft. "Sweetheart, a fever is nothing to mess around with. If you keep putting it off, it could do real damage."

Drew jumped in. "Come on, just let us take you. We'll all feel better once a doctor checks you out."

I stood off to the side, like I was watching through a pane of glass.

So, they knew all along that fevers necessitated the hospital, that someone sick needed to be registered ahead of time, and that they needed family around them. It was just that none of that care had ever been directed at me.

From elementary school through high school, I was always made to board on campus. Once I got to college, I spent most of my time holed up in the lab doing research.

If it weren't for Hannah finishing her exams and my parents telling me to come home and celebrate with her, I wouldn't have been staying here for more than a few days.

But they were my parents too, and Drew was also my brother.

My throat was still sore. The night before, I had come down with a fever myself. I texted Mom and told her I wasn't feeling well, and all she wrote back was, "Drink some water and go pick up some medicine yourself."

I stared at that message for a long time before I finally went out alone to get medicine. The wind on the way back was brutal, and by the time I got home, my head was spinning.

But now, Hannah had barely furrowed her brows, and they were all acting like the sky was falling.

Mom took Hannah's hand and walked her toward the door.

Just before they stepped out, Hannah stopped and tilted her face up. "Since I'm being so brave about going to the hospital, don't I deserve a reward?"

Mom laughed right away. "Of course you do."

Hannah beamed, her voice full of the easy confidence that came with being the favorite. "Then, I want a Polaroid camera."

Mom scolded her for always sneaking in requests at moments like this, but the smile in her eyes gave her away. I stood there as something twisted in my chest.

Our family did have a reward system.