Chapter Two: The Lass Has Lost Her Mind!

“Arghhhhh! Stay away from me, you perverts!” I scrambled to my knees on the bed (come to think of it, it was a really soft bed.

The strangeness of it registered somewhere in my mind but I was far too occupied at the moment to think too much of it), and eyed the two (frightened?) women fearfully.

“Oh, thank gods, yer awake, Sigrùn!” said one of them.

She was a middle-aged woman with wild, tawny hair. I got a feeling she had a tough time taming all that hair because it was all over the place. Her eyes–which watched me fearfully–were deep set and brown. Her startled face quickly turned into a stern frown.

“An’ what was all that screaming about? Ye almost gave us a fright, yer highness!” said the second lady.

The first thing I noticed about her were her freckles–they were too many to miss. They covered most her face and neck, and there was a generous dusting across her little pixie nose. Her large dark blue eyes were equally widened in fear.

Her brown hair which was knotted in low pigtails reminded me of a little child. Had we met under different circumstances, I probably would have thought that she was cutest young woman I’d ever seen.

…and did she just call me “your highness”?

My eyes darted back and forth between them. I clutched the sheets higher to my chest. “Stay back!” I yelled fearfully. “W-what are you doing in m-my apartment? Leave now or–or I’ll call the police!”

They both kept on watching me like I was out of my mind.

The cute one looked like she was about to cry. “Yer highness!” she gasped and pressed a hand to her chest as though she had just realized something terrible. “Did ye hit yer head when ye fell?”

What?

The stern one tutted and said, “We doona have time for this, yer highness. Yer wedding is in a few hours. We have ta get ye ready before then. What, with the flowers and corsets and all–“

“Aye, aye, and don’t forget her hair and dress–they’re really filthy–“ the cute one cut in.

“Aye I was getting ta that, Conny, if only ye didn’ cut me off–“

“ ‘Was just saying, only because I thought ye forgot!–“

On and on they argued. I had a feeling that this was something they did often, but I didn’t have the time or empathy to listen to them because right then I was losing my freaking mind.

“Stop it! Stop it, both of you!” I yelled at them. They both turned to look at me.

“Oh, yer highness–“

“And stop calling me that!”

“Oh!” they both gasped in surprise. But I wasn’t done.

“Yeah, “oh!” “ I sneered haughtily. “That’s what you’re gonna be saying when the cops come to get you soon. Oh–ho–ho! You both have a handful of charges against you already,” I sang, wagging my finger at them. “Y-you broke into my apartment and–and–“ my voice trailed off as my eyes scanned the room.

Hold on. Since when did my apartment look like this?

The walls were painted a deep, exquisite red. And they even had those chic flowery patterns you only see in houses on TV. For the first time I noticed that the bed had an elegant shimmery gold canopy overhead. And the sheets. Oh, the pink sheets were just about the softest things I’d ever felt in my life. They felt–and oh God, even smelled– like candy floss! There was a dresser and a vanity mirror. Somewhere across the room in the fireplace, there was a soft crackling of firewood and the heat gave off a heady pinewood scent. It was definitely a far cry from my shabby apartment.

I looked down at what I was wearing. It was a…well, it was an outfit. Wide trousers and a shirt. That was the only thing I could make out since I was covered in mud stains from my torso area down to some other parts I couldn’t see beneath the sheets which I was still clutching tightly like a shield.

Okay. What was going on here?

I raised my eyes and saw that the two strange women were eyeing me carefully as though I were a nutcase.

What were they doing here? No, no, I think the important question here was: what was I doing here?

My face fell. Oh my God. Had I been kidnapped and now my kidnappers were holding me hostage so that they could ask for a ransom?

Well they were out of luck because on earth and beyond I had just twelve dollars in my name. Speaking of which–where was my purse?

I was about to ask the women when the cute one whispered loudly: “Oh my gods, Rita. The lass has lost her mind!”

“ Quiet, Conny!” Rita hissed. Then she turned to me and smiled faux-sweetly, as one would do to a mental patient.

“Yer highness?” She called and approached me carefully. Probably to prevent another scream fest. I eyed her warily.

“Sigrùn?” she tried again.

“H–how do you know my name?” I managed to choke out the words.

“Oh, a nasty fall it was, Rita. She doesna even recognize us anymore!”, Conny cried.

“Conny,” Rita warned.

“Look,” I began, trying as much as I could to sound calm. “I don’t even know you! I’ve never seen both your faces in my life! I-I was asleep on my bed just a few hours ago and–and–I woke up hearing your voices, only to open my eyes and find myself in this–this strange place!” I rambled. Nothing was making sense.

Then I had an Eureka! Moment.

Ah-hah! I must have been dreaming. That was the only logical explanation for all this. Phew. I was not out of my mind. This was all it was—just some crazy-ass dream. Any moment now I would wake up and laugh heartily at this strange dream while stuffing my face with scrambled eggs and half-cooked bacon. It would be best to just go with whatever was happening.

Besides, they had called me your highness —which, judging by all standards, meant that I was something of a royalty in this strange Harlequin-esque dream (which I had to admit was fast losing its nightmare status the more I thought about it.) They had also mentioned a wedding, but pfff—(I dismissed that thought with a careless mental hand-wave)—we would cross that bridge when we got there. This was a one-off opportunity, to experience the good life of royalty. And besides, it was just a dream, what could possibly go wrong?

Pleased with my newfound knowledge, I smiled sweetly at the women who were currently staring at me, open-mouthed.

“Ladies,” I called in a singsong voice. “How about that bath? I am feeling quite filthy at the moment.”