For all the days that I was considering of (finally) taking to Drey, I kept myself busy—almost to the point that I wasn’t even thinking about him or any personal shenanigans anymore. I knew within me that it was my defense mechanism acting up. I just didn’t know if I could face him properly this time.
It feels like I’d immediately drawback or not even listen to him. Sure, I want to tell him how much I hated him for all the days he’s been silent with everything that has been going on… but I didn’t have much strength. Just thinking about him being in front of me makes me feel nauseated or disgusted… but more so, the fear of breaking down the walls I’ve been building ever since.
Even I can’t even understand what I was really feeling.
Maybe it was the fear of actually telling someone what hurts me and the whatnots, or if he was, for me, fear personified. Or maybe it’s the absolute fear of him not un
“Drey,” I uttered. The sound of his name tasted bitter the moment it slipped from my mouth. He looked different from the arrogant Drey that I knew. His blue eyes which seemed like the ocean that many were willing to drown in were bloodshot, his hair was a mess. He reeked of alcohol, and just when I was about to protest that idea, I realized that his family still owns this school. He’d do whatever he wants.Drey Punder.I was seeing a different one in front of me right now.“Go home,” I said. “You look like a mess. Do you want them to see you like that? Aren’t you even ashamed?”He smiled, “I’ve got nothing to lose now, Kath,” he said, tears starting to fall from his eyes. “They’re abandoning me and sending me back to my grandparents. I lost my job. I lost my shot in becoming the owner of this university. I lost everything… I lost you.” I bit my lower lip to stop mys
If only I heard myself with a sane mind that moment, I would have probably withdrawn and sat by a corner and wore my cone of shame.In any way, I knew it was inevitable—one way or another, I’d still end up taking it on him or talking to him out of it even if it did not happen tonight. It might just not be how I imagined it would be… ever since then, I have always been playing a scene on my mind on how it would take place—I keep on telling myself that I should be calm, I should breathe, and talk in the most sensible way.Yet maybe that’s really what it does when anger keeps on building and building until it lingers within yourself without even realizing that you’re already a ticking bomb.And then you just explode.I was just grateful it wasn’t enough to derail me from my hopes of graduating on time. I still managed to pass our test despite my professor asking if I could even take the test since I did look like a
“Iced Café Latte for Andrea!” I called out, putting the cup on top of the counter before going back to the cashier. It has been months since I got back the courage to be on the cash register again and get orders. I’d hear questions now and then, but it wasn’t as frequent as before. They were right… the news comes and it goes, one day you're the talk of the town, the next thing you know, you're already a forgotten image.It does feel refreshing and peaceful—a few months back, I was the nobody that suddenly topped the charts for everyone to gossip about, and then it gradually fades until I was back to just being a working Psych student at Irdium. I’d still hear whispers whenever people recognize me, I knew it wasn’t really going to just fade into oblivion anyway.Truth be told, I almost lost my scholarship. It wasn’t impossible anyway, the school belonged to the Punders, yet Drey did not break any of his words
The pares that we had yesterday felt like an energy refill, besides the fact that I had someone with me to enjoy the ambiance, it just felt like I was finally living the moment I have always wanted—a life where I realized that healing may not be linear, but it was a process too that made me feel alive somehow. For a moment, there were no thoughts that I was barely surviving.I felt like I was happier than before—than ever.I probably looked dumb when I realized I was smiling as I was turning the page of my book and removing the cap of the highlighter that I was holding using my teeth. Months flew so fast that we were already in our midyear through graduating. If I slacked off during summer classes, I can’t right now.Huh.Maybe going through that made me realize I was independent sure, but I wasn’t that mature. I was trying to be strong, but at the end of the day, I wasn’t even close to being one. I wanted t
“To end this presentation, anger management, stress management, and interpersonal communication skills are all areas where curriculum intervention may make a difference, and it is fundamental enough that students need it in order to assess and be in control of their mental health,” I uttered, keeping myself calm as I look at my presentation and back to the research panel.Months passed by in a hurdle. I can’t even believe that I’m already a month away from graduation, and we have accomplished almost every requirement for our subjects. Today was special—it was our last defense for our solo thesis, and I have never been more confident in presenting my thesis—I knew I did my best.My thesis was about anger management, interpersonal communication skills, and stress management and their effects when it comes to emotional intelligence. It was probably not a new topic when it comes to our field, but it was a personal feat for me. Maybe beca
When I got up, the sun was shining brightly than any other day. It was different, or maybe because I just knew that it is. I smiled as a sat down on the wooden floor of my apartment as the sun bathes the room with hues of yellow and mustard. I hugged my knees as I stare at my white dress, and beside it was my graduation robe and cap.My lips stretched in a triumphant smile—finally, I was graduating.It didn’t even sink in when we did our graduation photos. Back then, it still felt like I was floating in Cloud 9, or I must just be dreaming. Graduating… wow… I really thought I wouldn’t even make it, but here I was.Needless to say, I overcame it all—stronger and braver.People might say the hurdles I went through were just probably nothing compared to their obstacles—they could be right, but nevertheless, it doesn’t change the fact that I finally had a reason for me to be proud of myself.Days after o
If there was anything I never learned how to do or search on the internet whenever I had the time was this—how-to handle confessions.Of course, I know it was normal that I didn’t know what to do because he literally caught me off-guard without even having second thoughts on how he’d deliver those exact words that kept on repeating in my head for over a day now. I don’t even know if he was just pranking me (God forbid if it was just a prank, it wasn’t funny) or if he was telling me the truth.It was so sudden that I don’t even know if there’s a rule that I should call him and tell him that I’m grateful that he likes me or something, but that’d just probably come off as straight-out offensive, I think.I groaned and grabbed the nearest pillow beside me to cover my whole face and scream so loud the student right next to my room probably heard me as I aggressively wriggle my feet against my bedsheets. Yesterday
Enrique.He could easily just sweep off any girl’s feet and make them head over heels for him with just his words. I wouldn’t even deny that my heart stopped (not literally) for a while when I heard that phrase from him.He just knows it. Without even having to exert any effort. He’d easily make progress.I don’t even know where he was getting all these words! It was like he was vomiting sweet phrases every now and then, and oddly enough, I’d even end up daydreaming about it as if it felt nice.I mean… it was nice. It feels nice when it feels like someone’s there to wait for you.But it felt weird—well at least for me—that someone was seeing light behind my darkness even when he knew everything that I went through. Sure… I was different among the girls he’d meet, or every socialite they’d set up for a blind date with him—but I was different in a bad way!I did ha