If You Ever Find Me

“Scrhhh! Scrhh!” 

The alarm starts screaming at exactly 5:00 AM, I groan, stretching my hands so far I nearly rolled off the bed. Oh come on, I was having such a good dream. 

For a moment, I just lie there staring at the ceiling, following the water stains on my ceiling and convincing myself that today is just a day, just another building, just another set of people who will look at my scuffed shoes before they look at my face. 

I laid there a moment longer, listening to the apartment wake up around me. The pipes groaning in the walls, my mom's slippers shuffling against the cracked kitchen tile. Then comes the smell of burnt toast—she always sets the dial too high when she's distracted.

And I know without looking that she's distracted today, she's been that way all week, ever since the acceptance letter arrived in that thick, heavy cream envelope, which had the gold Sterling crest stamped on the front like a death wish. 

“Leo.” two soft knocks landed against my bedroom door “You're going to be late for your own beginning.” 

A small laugh escaped me, My beginning? That's such a Mom thing to say, so dramatic in a way that makes you feel safe instead of ridiculous. 

When I walked into the kitchen, she's already dressed for her first shift. Her hair pulled back tight, and she had that kind of tiredness in her eyes that's been there since before I can remember—the permanent exhaustion of working two jobs and raising two boys without complaining about it once….or maybe where we could not hear her.

She placed a plate of eggs in front of me “You don't have to prove anything to anyone there, okay?” She said, almost like a whisper “You hear me?” 

I only nodded, because it's easier than telling her the truth. It's easier than admitting I already feel like I have something to prove just by existing in a place like Sterling Academy. A place I would never have dreamt of seeing, a place where my secondhand canvas backpack is going to stick out like a wine stain on a white tablecloth.

“I mean it, Leo.” Her voice catches on something, just slightly, just enough that my chest tightens, because I notice everything about her. It's a habit I picked up early, watching her face for the sharp edge of things she won't say out loud.

 “And Leo, please don't tell anyone too much about yourself, okay?” She said, tapping my back twice 

I wanted to ask her what she meant, but she was already turning away, already pulling her worn coat off the hook, disappearing into the version of herself that doesn't have time for hard conversations before 7 AM. 

So let it go, like I always had. 

My phone kept buzzing and buzzing, I know it's Maya, she'd always been too protective, like i was her cry baby. 

Maya: Ok, so I know I said I'd be there but I am SO sorry, I'm stuck at my aunt's place for the week, family thing, I'll explain later I promise.

Maya:Leo! Don't you dare ignore me, I can see those receipts. 

Maya: Ok fine, but please Leo, that school has a lot of weirdos, they have lots of rules, please stay gentle. Uhm, just a week, okay? 

I read every single message, but I decided not to answer one, not that I'm mad at her. Maya's been my best friend since we're seven and she even broke her collarbone trying to impress me on a bike, it's just that answering feels like admitting how much I actually needed her there today. 

Like saying it out loud—I’m terrified, Maya, how can i do this without you. So pathetic 

Sterling Academy doesn't look like a school, or maybe how I imagined it to be. It was far better than I imagined. The iron gates are taller than my whole apartment building, even the fountain was so big I almost mistook it for a pool. Why does a school need a fountain of that size? Are the students supposed to swim in it?

Around me, expensive cars pulled up one after another with students stepping out of each, their skin shining like they were made of gold. And the uniforms—God, the uniforms were crisp navy blazers and mirror-polished shoes on every single student walking past me.

I looked down at my own boots, they were scuffed deeply at the toe, no matter how many times I'd tried to hide the leather with cheap polish. My backpack strap was noticeably fraying at the seam, I tug my sleeve down over the ink stains on my fingers—the ones that never fully wash out no matter how hard I scrub, the ones that came from staying up until 2 AM, drawing comic panels nobody in this school will ever know I made. 

And that's the secret I'm carrying into this building, not just a scholarship kid trying to survive, but an anonymous webcomic creator who millions of strangers knows my art, my characters and my whole heart laid bare in dark ink. Here I'm nobody, and maybe that's safer. 

“I can do this,” I muttered to myself “Just finish this week with no drama” 

The opening assembly was held in an auditorium that looks more like a European cathedral, it had vaulted ceilings, stained glass throwing jagged, colored light across rows and rows of identical navy blazers. 

Everything here keeps screaming ‘I don't belong here!’, I really know I don't belong here, but with all the emotional advice Mom and Maya had given me. Hmm, I think I can actually survive.

I slipped in near the back doors, trying to disappear into a sea of students, they all moved in groups, some glanced at me before quickly looking away. 

The scholarship kid….Yh yh yh, I don't give a fuck. I didn't come here to make friends, I came here just to get an education, and no one dares to distract me. 

I scanned the auditorium, the rows were filling fast , too fast. I kept scanning for an empty seat, my pulse climbing steadily, painfully aware of every eye that flicks toward me. 

Finally, I spotted an opening near the front, almost dead center. There's a row that's somehow completely empty when every other seat in the auditorium is packed. It doesn’t make any logical sense. 

Why would the best seat in the house just be sitting there, untouched, like the entire room is holding its breath around it? 

I didn't think twice, I just want to sit down before everyone notices me standing like an idiot. Immediately, I stepped into the row, dropped into the plush velvet seat, and exhaled. Oh my! The chair was so soft, I felt like I was floating on water. I closed my eyes, letting the satisfaction flow through my veins. 

But then I started feeling it, the physical shift in the air, the low, rumbling chatter around me instantly dimmed into the sound of people waiting for a train wreck. 

I looked up from my lap, every single person in the row beside me had gone completely, deathly still, their eyes locked directly onto me. 

Why is everybody looking at me? Did I sit on someone? 

A blonde boy nearby leans closer “Uh, are you insane? You should move.” 

I blinked, “What? Why?” 

He looked confused. “Because that's Damien Sterling's seat.” 

I looked at the chair, then at him, then at the chair again. “It's a seat, and his name is not written on it, Huh?” 

The boy's eyes widened while some students nearby gasp like I just committed a crime. Now, I understand why Maya was worried, these people are insane, very insane.

This is not a throne, it's a very normal chair, even though I noticed none of the students sat there. 

I was still on that when the auditorium door suddenly opened, the entire room went silent, every murmur died instantly, the change was so sharp that I had to turn around. 

I immediately understood what that boy meant, a tall boy was walking down the center aisle, his dark hair was neatly styled, he had cold grey eyes, the kind of face that belongs on a billboard. 

My stomach dropped instantly. Well, that's probably Damien Sterling and judging by the way he was looking at me, I'd made a tiny mistake….or maybe huge!