16

I’ve always felt that I was being held in a cage, like I was being controlled. I thought that being a princess means being forced to make decisions I didn’t want. I was wrong. I was completely free. I was powerful, I was strong, I was royal. Right now, I have to make the right decision, the best decision.

Mom stood carefully by the door, hugging herself. I sharply inhaled, afraid of what she’s going to say next. I kept fidgeting my fingers behind me, thinking of what I should say in a nickle of time. Am I going to be banished? Am I going to be exiled?

“Ruthy, are you okay?” Mom quietly asked.

I looked up. I gasped and ran to her. I embraced my Mother tightly and buried my face on her shoulder. Suddenly, I feel relaxed. The moment my Mother asked me how I felt, everything that was pulling me down disappeared. I was a fool. This is my Mother- my Mother who loves me with all her soul, my Mother who would do everything for me, the Queen who would save her princess. How can I be so selfish? I jumped to conclusions and thought of my Mother’s love for me so lightly. I doubted her.

“I-I’m sorry...I’m s-so sorry....Mom...,” I muffled between my sobs.

She patted my head and held my face. I looked at her with my watery eyes, and I could still see her sad smile. Her smile was small, but I knew it was genuine. I didn’t feel like she was going to scold me or get angry at me. She was so calm. She was so calm despite this situation. I might be overreacting, but seeing your daughter fall in love with someone who she shouldn’t have, and I mean literally, who wouldn’t be baffled right? Right now, looking at my Mom, all I felt for her was purely love.

“What are you apologizing for, Ruthy? I’m not mad at you,” she said.

I breathed and wiped my face. I gave her a confused look. “What do you mean? You just saw me and Angelo, me holding his hand and-“ Mom cut me off and held my lip. She softly chuckled.

“I already got a feeling that you were hiding something from us. I’m not mad at you dear. I’m happy for you,” she said.

I held my breath. “Mom. I’ve been nothing but trouble lately. This is all my fault. I-I’m in love with our guard, I’ve been hiding it all these years and yet y-you’re not mad at me?” I bluntly said.

Mom frowned and held my hand. She held it to her cheek and breathed, “Ruthy, I’m happy for you because you’re finally being true to yourself. You finally admitted that you’re in love. You’re finally not ashamed of your feelings, and that’s the right thing.”

I stood there, stunned. Now I realized, my feelings for Noah, my feelings for Thomas, everything is being confusing. Why does Noah have to work here? Why do I have to get married to Thomas? Why can’t I make the decision for myself? Why can’t I choose the person I’m going to love and will be loving for the rest of my life? Those are the questions I’ve been asking myself. I was being a coward. All this time, I can. I can make those choices. I don’t have to ask myself anymore.

“I’m going to be true to myself from now on, Angelo,” I told myself and glanced at Angelo. I know I made a lot of mistakes in the past and that I couldn’t make up for it. I had a lot of secrets that I knew would ruin me someday, but now, in front of my mother, I realized I could be honest and truthful to her. I don’t know if she’ll get mad at me, but I just wanted to let it all out.

“Mom, can I tell you the truth?” I carefully asked. She held my cheek and nodded. I breathed and collected my thoughts. Angelo and I had a normal relationship in the beginning. He arrived as my royal guard with Saint and I liked them both. They were courageous, loyal, and kind to me and my family. They were guards who became part of our family and I will never deny that. Angelo was different from all of them. He was so gentle to me. The way he speaks to me was soft, and the way he supports me was delicate and careful. I immediately fell for his actions, and even more with his type of words. At first, I wanted to deny it to myself because I knew it was wrong, I knew it would get me in trouble, but during a party where he held me for the first time as someone else, I didn’t want to resist it anymore. I realized that moment that he loved me as well. We kept it a secret, together with Saint. He was Angelo’s bestfriend, and he couldn’t bare get Angelo in trouble. Saint was cautious and quiet, and he didn’t want us to get caught or to stop what we have, because he knew it was real and it was genuine. It was the first time he saw Angelo in love, and he supported us. I was always thankful for Saint, even now, since he proved to me that he was more than someone who was working for the royal family. They mean a lot to me- Saint and Angelo.

“Are you going to tell Dad?” I asked with my head down. I told Mom every thing I could remember from the moment I confessed to Angelo. She wasn’t reacting the whole time I was speaking and I couldn’t tell exactly what her expression was. Her face was calm and relaxed, but she had her hands gripping each other while standing. Was she angry? Was she disappointed?

She shook her head. “I don’t have to tell him any thing,” she said. I breathed and held my chest. If Mom would have been calm and relaxed, I think my Dad would have been furious. He would lecture me in hours, but he wouldn’t shout or be aggresive. My Father is smart, and he knows that emotions can make us say and do things we didn’t really mean.

“I just hope that you know what you’re doing and you’re sure of the decisions you’re making, Ruthy. You’re grown now,” she said and embraced me. I buried my face on her shoulder and she rubbed my back.

“I’d be at the Women’s Room if you need me,” she whispered before letting go and leaving the room. I sat beside Angelo and took a few deep breaths. I know I wouldn’t be off the hook that easily and I know Mom didn’t exactly approve of my relationship with Angelo, but this is the better scenario. I imagined my secret getting out horribly, with Mom and Dad scolding me and banishing Saint and Angelo out of the palace, but I was grateful Mom was still so kind to me. I can’t believe she took it that way, you know.

I stood and turned to Angelo. He still looks stiff and he sounds so quiet. His heart was still beating and that’s what’s important. I held his cheek and gave him a soft kiss before heading towards the door. Saint was standing in front of the door, waiting for me. I motioned for him to stay and he nodded. As I walk down the hallway, I heard a creak of a door beside me. I turned and saw Althea’s door slowly closing from the inside.