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CHAPTER 42
I drew in a deep breath. "I want you to be happy."
"I don't if I can be happy either way. It's a lose/lose situation."
"I understand," I murmured. "Do whatever you feel is best."
He looked at me for a long time. "I think I need therapy," he said. "These mood swings drive me crazy, too. I don't mean to yell at you like I do. It just kind of happens. I don't think."
"You serious about therapy?"
He shook his head. "I am serious about the mood swings, though."
I reached for his hand, and he let me take it. "We're really messed up."
"Yeah. We are. I love you, though." He kissed my hair. "I love you."
He hated me. He loved me. I was a slut. I was his girlfriend. He wanted to break up. He didn't want to break up. What in the hell was going
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When I recovered from my little breakdown, I went into Simon's room. He was sitting on the bed, watching Asia's Next Top Model."I worry about you," I murmured."Yeah, well, same to you. You've been crying.""No I haven't," I lied. He saw right through it."Sophie, Jackson shouldn't have said that.""You know what pisses me off even more? He doesn't deserve Brenda. He treats her like his little bitch and I hate it. He knows that she won't leave him and so he just pushes her to see how far she'll go, and then he comes crawling back to her. That's not fair.""I know, babe.""I'm going to go talk to him about this. I don't want things to be awkward. You okay with that?"He nodded, kissing me quickly. "Yeah. Let me know if you want me to beat his ass."
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I blew my hair dry after the shower, so it wouldn't look suspicious when Simon's mom came home. I'd just gotten off of her bad side, and I didn't want to give her any new reason to dislike me. We were sitting on Simon's bed watching TV when she opened the door."Hey guys," she said. "Sorry to interrupt. Simon, do you know what's wrong with your brother?""He's just going through one of his little mood-swings, I'm sure. Why?""His bedroom door is locked, and he won't let me in. I can smell cigarette smoke, and your father's last two beers are gone. Which is not going to make him happy, by the way.""That's unlikely him," Simon said. "He's an ass to me all of the time, but he's never an ass to you.""I'm worried," she murmured. "He's been so unstable. Maybe he needs to go back to the doctor. Have you noticed his moods, S
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When she'd recovered enough to sit up, I brought her a cup of water."I'm sorry… I know it's Christmas Eve and your family probably doesn't appreciate my being here—""We're not real big on the togetherness thing. They're at a party with their friends.""I just feel like this is the only place I could really go… you're the most real person I know, Sophie. You're not like my other friends, they're all so… superficial. If I told them… of course they'd feel sorry for me… but it'd be all of school as soon as we got off break."I nodded in understanding. "Do you want to tell me exactly what happened?""I went to Scott's, he was having a small party. I didn't come with Jackson, because I didn't think he'd want to go. You know how reclusive he's been lately." She drew in a deep breath.
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A tiny, stupid part of me wondered if I was the person that he was referring to. I wanted to reach out to him, to make him feel better…but I couldn't. The strong side of me decided he didn't deserve my comfort. So I let him sit there on the sofa, alone in his misery. Finally, after about five minutes of awkward silence, Jackson spoke again."What can I do Sophie? What can I do to make you forgive me?""It shouldn't be my forgiveness you want.""But it is. Brenda will never be okay with what I did, and I accept that. Maybe we'll be friends again, but never like we were… I need you to tell me we're okay…" He gave me a pleading look. "Sophie, you're the only one that matters anymore."I felt like I was going to throw up. I was the only one that mattered!? I couldn't deal with that type of pressure!"I
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