Chapter 1

I knelt before the mirror on the floor in my small cramped apartment, scissors hooked between my fingers as I stared at my half long hair and the already chopped pieces on the floor. A tear rolled down my eyes, I have to do this to survive.

If I were born a man, I wouldn't be kneeling here and cutting everything off that made me me.

On my small bed were a pair of men's clothes and a fake ID of me as a man. 

It comes with the pain of being rejected even though my skills and qualifications perfectly fit the job description.

The hardest thing in life is trying to gain people's acceptance, but that has never been a problem to me because my grandpa accepted me for me and never regretted having me. In fact, he dots me to the point I fear I don't have a life aside from living off his wealth and riches.

After I graduated from college, I decided to get my identity, to be me without my grandpa. To find love and learn to build a life on my own. Grandpa doesn't know about this, he will never accept me doing this but it's not about him, it's about me and for my sake, I will tell my first lie.

The second tear dropped when the last hair dropped to the floor, my long hair was gone and all that was left was short trimmed hair. Staring at myself in the mirror, I was convinced I got the look I wanted, the look of a man or rather a boy because I look so small.

This is a sacrifice I have to give to get the life I want, and this is my very first lie I'm going to tell and the world will believe me without a doubt.

I never wanted to define myself with a lie, but I guess something, it has to start oddly to end happily. I pushed myself off the floor and turned to enter the bathroom when I hit my leg on the small cupboard that stood next to the door.

The sting wasn’t from the bruise. It was from the choice I made the life I was trading in for a lie.If I hadn't decided to earn my life, I would have been in my grandpa's big mansion, enjoying the soft and luxurious life that comes with it while he spoils me like a child.

But because I decided to do this, I'm stuck in this small world, close to nothing my grandpa has. Even our dog house is more spacious and luxurious than this apartment. And every day is like me walking through hell thinking I can find a way out.

There are nights I want to give up. Nights I wonder if the girl in the mansion would’ve had it easier.But the girl wasn't free and I will be nothing but the person people say I am.

I must do this, I have to do this! I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, stood up and walked into the bathroom. It was small, but enough to contain me. I washed my hair and styled it just good enough to get the look.

I got dressed in the male suit, grabbed my phone ready to get a fresh photo of myself. My eyes fell on the fake ID.

"Brian Carter" I mumbled the name, that's the name, the new name I gave myself. The name that defines me as a boy is all a lie.

I snapped out of my head, grabbed the Id and hung it on my suit. I glanced down at my chest and a wave of relief rushed down my spine, thank you the chest binder, my disguise as a man has been perfectly attained.

I went ahead and took a picture on a white background. Without wasting a minute, I uploaded it to my file and submitted it for the application.

"This will do" I hoped, a big sigh escaped my lips. I went ahead and took the clothes off, setting myself free from the bondage around my chest.

The beep from my laptop was loud, but I didn’t rush to check it. Deep down, I knew it couldn’t be from them, not this soon. So I ignored it.

My stomach then growled, reminding me I've not eaten since morning. How could I when all I cared about was getting a job? I barely have enough funds to keep me going. 

I jumped on my bed, grabbed my phone and logged into my back account only to see a balance of $45 boldly written. Wow...I've never thought I'd live this life, a life I could barely afford my own meal.

I let go of my phone and turn to my laptop, I have no choice but to wait for the evening to come so I will eat at once and sleep. I punched my laptop on the notification.

I was stunned to see the notification was from the Miller management team, and they were responding to my application accepting me.

I froze. My eyes scanned the words over and over, but they didn’t change.

“Yes, you are hired. No interview. Start tomorrow.”

Was this how easy it was for them? For men?

My lie… had worked. And I didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, or fear what came next.

The lie I never gave much thought about turns out to be a way out for me, a big start for my new life. I couldn't be any more happy than I already am.

"Yes!" I jumped out of my bed, my acceptance still ringing a bell in my head. 

I guess I can eat now, after all, I've got a job as the PA in the Miller Company and that means, I will no longer have to starve myself to save money. I can end more, save more while eating healthily and richly.

How I've missed my luxurious life, but I wasn't in pain anymore because I knew my journey to my new life had just begun in a big way I could never have imagined...well, I had long imagined

it for more than twenty times, just not this way though.