Chapter 3

Xavier's expression changed, and he instinctively took a step toward Tessa. My heart sank with the movement, but before he reached her, he stopped himself.

By then, cold sweat had broken out across Tessa's forehead. She slid down the doorframe into a crouch, her face drained of color.

Xavier tightened his grip on his phone and called an ambulance. "Don't move. They'll be here soon."

Tessa looked up at him. "What about you? You're not coming with me?"

He hesitated, then looked past her at me.

"The doctors will take care of you."

The paramedics arrived soon after and took Tessa away. Once the elevator doors closed behind them, Xavier turned back to me, his eyes fixed on my face.

I gripped the edge of the table for support. "What did she mean?"

His throat worked. "Yvonne."

"I don't want to hear my name coming from your mouth." My voice came out tight. "Before she asked to borrow you at the party, did you already know?"

He didn't answer right away, but the night before was already replaying in my head.

When Tessa pointed at him, he hadn't looked surprised. When I said no, he hadn't asked why or tried to make sense of what she was doing. He had simply watched me.

At the time, I'd thought he was waiting for me to give in.

Now I understood what I'd seen in his eyes.

Expectation.

Pain twisted through my chest. I dug my nails into my palm and forced myself to stay steady.

"Xavier, look at me."

He finally did.

"When I said no, what exactly were you thinking?"

Something flickered in his eyes.

My nose burned, but I made myself keep going. "You already knew she was going to ask for you, didn't you?"

The apartment fell so quiet that I could hear us breathing.

Color slowly drained from Xavier's face. At last, he nodded.

"Yes."

My fingers curled tighter into my palm.

His voice was rough when he continued. "I've known for six months that she was planning to ask at your birthday dinner."

I stared at him, the pressure in my chest turning heavy.

"Six months?"

Xavier lowered his gaze, his fingers tightening unconsciously.

"Ever since that time you left me home alone to go be with Tessa."

Of course I remembered.

He'd had a fever that day, and I'd promised to stay home and take care of him. Then Tessa called, sobbing so hard she could barely breathe. She'd just been dumped, didn't want to see anyone else, and kept saying I was the only person she wanted to see.

I put a cooling patch on Xavier's forehead, coaxed him into bed, and hurried over to her.

By the time I got home, his fever had broken. He'd left the bedside lamp on for me, along with a glass of water on the nightstand.

At the time, I'd actually felt relieved.

Relieved that he never made me choose.

Now the memory of that lamp seemed to burn straight through my chest.

"What happened after that?"

Xavier swallowed. "A few days later, I mentioned it while I was drinking with some friends."

I watched him closely. "What did you say?"

"That sometimes I don't understand you." His voice had gone hoarse. "I know you're good to me, but every time Tessa needs something, you always go take care of her first. Back then, I kept wondering what would happen if the two of us ever needed you at the same time. Who would you choose first?"

My eyes stung.

I pressed my nails harder into my palm and made myself listen.

"How did Tessa find out?"

"One of my friends mentioned it to her later, and she came to see me." Xavier rubbed a hand between his brows. His eyes were bloodshot. "She said if it had been bothering me that much, we might as well test it once."

"How?"

He was quiet for a moment.

"She said that on your birthday, she'd ask to borrow me for a day."

My stomach turned.

"And you agreed?"

"Not then." Xavier looked up at me, exhaustion weighing down his expression. "I thought it was ridiculous. But she kept asking whether I was willing to take the chance. She said if you really cared about me, you'd refuse."

A laugh slipped out of me, and the tears came with it.

"So you stood there waiting to see whether I'd say no?"

His face went pale.

I walked toward him slowly.

"Did I?"

Regret flashed across his eyes.

"Yes."

"I said no in front of everyone." My throat hurt so badly it felt raw. "You got the answer you wanted right there. So why did you still leave with her?"

His lips moved several times before he managed to speak.

"I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted to see whether you'd come after me. Whether you'd actually worry about me."