Four

Lacey Bogs and I have been best friends since the third grade. She was new at school and was the only one who didn’t call me names whenever I limped around the halls. She is also the person I tell everything that happens to me but this, this thing that has been eating me alive all week is the only thing I can’t tell her.

She was the one who told me to get as far as possible from men like McKinnon. She has experience with a few of the bad boys of town but he’s the worst of them all. Bad boys tend to fall on their knees whenever she’s around. Beautiful Lacey; with her big blue eyes and compact body full of curves. I think it’s her big round doe eyes that lures them in and makes them believe she’s innocent and nice. I’m innocent and nice, she’s just well disguised.

Where similar in height but that's about it, my hair is brown and my eyes too. I leave my hair wild while she straightens her dark blond mane, she’s extrovert and wild while I can’t move as a normal person should.

“You’re being weird.” She knows me too well to know when something is eating me up but it does not stop me from wanting to pretend that nothing is wrong. “Have an apple.”

“I’m not hungry. I think I’m getting my period soon.” The period lies always work but since we are sorta synced up, is just me letting her know that I don’t want to talk about it.

She gives me this suspicious look without really knowing what’s going on and takes a big bite while I bite my lips.

D-day is here. It’s when I’m supposed to go up there once again and tell him yes or no, or go to town and continue my fruitless search for a place to move into. My paycheck is barely enough. I have savings for the last couple of years but that won’t be enough to keep me afloat or at least keep me outside the bad parts of town. I might be able to get a second job but with my slow speed and impaired movement hindering whatever job opportunity that might be available, people wouldn’t even consider me. I could try the town hall, the old man who runs town liked my mom but that’s a fat chance also.

I’m good with computers and handling documents, my secretarial aptitude had been useful whenever the ranch needed a pair of extra hands. Going to another city would be the answer but that one, that one would be my last choice.

“Well, you’re weird. Have been for days.”

“Things are not good at home. I overheard them talking about losing the land. We don’t know when he’s taking over but I’m pretty sure is sooner than later.”

The failed attempt for loads and mortgage and then another extension had worked against it, us. We were soon to be homeless, Cameron could easily get a job and my dad had experience with cattle so anywhere we went they had the chance of employment, on the other hand, I was not sure what would become of me, and tagging along was not what I saw myself doing soon.

“Don’t tell me, the bank said no.” She knows about our money troubles. Everyone knows about it, it's hard to keep it a secret when we have gotten rid of people, cattle, and furniture, just to pay incoming bills. “The bank said no?” She asks again when I sit there in complete silence.

“Yes. There isn’t much to do. My dad has already started talking about us moving somewhere else but I don’t want to leave Beck.” My roots are here, my good memories before the accident were all here, yes, the bad ones too but the fear of the unknown kept me wanting to be here. “I sometimes wish he would have not taken that loan.”

“I know.” She holds my hand on top of the table. “You can always stay with me. You know my folks won’t mind, maybe we can get a place together.”

That had been our dream growing up. She and I, together against the world, against the bullies and mean girls but life has a funny way to go around killing dreams.

“Maybe.”

The thing about moving in with Lacey was that her parents already had enough with four children, their house wasn’t that big, and just like us, they had jobs and rent and bills to pay. Their store had suffered after the opening of the Superstores a couple of miles down, a lot of towners were loyal but being unable to lower the price just like their big competitors had made things difficult in the last couple of years. There was no way I was barging into their home adding more to their problems, adding another mouth to feed. It was either accept the deal or leave town. Leaving town was not want I wanted. My only option, the window was hours from closing.

“I have to go back.” I wobble, the pulling on my leg makes me wince.

“Please, no one is going to go to the library at this time.” She pats down the empty stop.

“Someone might.” She rolls her eyes, she’s right, the library is usually quiet around the afternoon unless there’s someone that needs a book and that’s unlikely because is summer and none dares to step foot inside that building unless is necessary. “I will call you tomorrow.”

“Say hey to your brother.”

“Sure.” I can’t believe she has a crush on my brother, that good for nothing. He and my dad had done nothing but make a bad decision, the last one had been taking a loan from Kingdom ranch and putting outlands as leverage.

I told them he wasn’t one to trust and they just shot me down and now, I wanted to say I told you so but that would be mean, adding salt to the open wound, on all of us.

At least my half-time job was good for me, ramp access for those bad days, paid holidays, and also I could take advantage of new arrivals and the kind of people that seemed to lose themselves inside the made-up stories or wanted to simply learn something new they weren’t out to hurt me.