Five

I’m panting and sweating profusely. I left the house exactly one hour ago while the sun is still out, and now was almost dusk by the continuing changes of color of the sky, good chances are that I will make it before then the sun disappears.

I slid out the back door without locking myself in my bedroom until the sounds from downstairs dimmed down, it worked every time. My father wanted nothing to do with me after that day, I was living here out of charity, I mean that was what he said, not the exact words but he meant it that way.

I’m sure Cameron went out with some girl while my dad sat down on his favorite lounge chair to watch some sports game.

I’m slowly advancing. My shirt is stuck to my back, my knees and shoes are muddy from the drizzle that fell earlier, I may have slipped and fallen several times, and my leg is killing me. The pain is bearable now but is increasing as I put more pressure and weight onto it. I have to get there. I have to tell him I am agreeing, that I will let him be my first for the slight chance of getting my house, my memories. I think I am. The idea of him touching me is not revolting but also doesn’t bring me joy. I have nothing to lose but a tiny bit of flesh plus my dignity but as far as I know, you can’t buy anything with it.

Looking up at the sky has small clouds in the distance, reminding me that indeed it rained earlier.

I hate rain.

Rain makes it even harder to walk, the smell of the damp soil was what reminded me most of her, she loved the rain. We used to twirl under the falling water, dance, and play while my father laughed with us from his spot on the porch. The memory fills me with warmth and also sadness.

I miss her. I miss her terribly.

Stupid limp and stupid horses. I hate horses, and they hate me.

I wince and pant, I’m using my hands to keep myself from sliding downwards over smooth grass. The soil is too loose under my feet, I’m not going to make it. I’m also going to die here, in the middle of nowhere. Needing a breather I let my hands take as much weight as possible, not taking the jeep had been a bad idea. No one would have questioned me, I drove on good days.

“I almost thought you weren’t coming.”

The manly voice startles me and makes me lose my footing, I’m clawing space as I start to fall in slow motion. The scream never comes out as I roll down the first impact takes the air out of my lungs. I’m rolling for what feels like an eternity. My knees find a rock, so does my arm. The sky is moving fast, so is the ground. Pain blooms everywhere and when I finally stop moving I’m lying facedown not sure if I should move. It hurts everywhere so I just lay there, breathing, filling up my lungs with enough air to scream.

“Jesus Christ, are you ok?” The voice sounds miles away, barely registering the question. That’s a funny one to ask someone that just rolled down the hill and hurt themselves in the process, the copper taste worries me.

Am I dying?

“Hey. Open your eyes.” He taps my cheek lightly and his gaze locks in with mine. He looks like he’s really worried. I can only imagine what did I looked like while rolling down here, like a stuffed pupped doll maybe. “You ok?”

Seriously?

“Yes.” I try to get up but my body feels like it weighs a ton.

“Here, let me help you.” With one arm behind my shoulders, he lifts me effortlessly to a sitting position. “You really took a tumble. Anything hurts?” When he tries to help me up I let out a tiny scream. My leg is on fire, I can’t believe it,  there’s no way I can go back, I worked hard to be able to walk again.

“My back, my leg, my shoulder. Everywhere.”

“You didn’t hit your head?”

“I guess not. Is there any blood?”

“None.” I can tell he’s lying feeling the pounding on my skull, the scent of blood is there too. I hope there’s not a lot. All this while he’s been holding me straight. Against the hardness of his body. This is not exactly what I was picturing myself I would end up with. For the second time, I had hurt myself in the search for freedom, and it was like he was an equal danger, to my persona, my well-being, my body.

“Good. I think I can get up now.” I mumble, suddenly feeling too warm.

“Nonsense. You’re barely conscious. Let me bring my truck closer, wait here.” Like I could go somewhere else.

He lays me down slowly, careful to lay my head just so.

“Don’t leave me!” I say before I can stop myself.

He stops and stares at me, his hazel eyes holding mine.

“Don’t worry, I’m not leaving you.” He cups my face lightly, his palm feels warm on my skin, and as his touch lingers something switches, something foreign. A feeling that I hadn’t felt before.

Now that he’s away I take inventory of what hurts and what burns, and the results indicated that my whole body will bruise. Opening my eyes I notice the sky had taken now tones of pink, orange, and purple. The sun would soon disappear and the stars and moon would take his place. How had I made it the first time fooled me, even with the dry land I had difficulty coming up and making it back home. Luck, luck was all I could think of.

I am grateful that he had been here to watch me fall, at least I wasn’t going to die alone. Who knows what would have happened if he hadn’t appeared. Maybe wolves would have found my cold body or anything else with teeth and sharp claws. It was funny to think about, from one wild animal to the other, he was going to eat me up.

I close my eyes and listen to the breeze in the trees, the rustling of the leaves against each other, I’m really going to miss this place when he makes us leave.

And I hate that I have to say no now. Facing reality, my reality was tough. This act of foolishness had kicked me in the butt, literally. Good thing my resilience was as good as the metal bars inside my leg.

He came back. I almost believed he wouldn’t but he did. “I’m going to lift you now.”

The searing pain that ran through me had me gritting my teeth together, I kept telling myself that I had to bear it. I had to hang on. He was the only person in miles that could help me.

“Still with me?” His palm brushed my cheek. “God, you’re pale as a ghost.” His voice started to sound distant, I couldn’t focus anymore, his handsome face became a blur and then darkness surrounded me.