LOT Part 3-2

Lack of Trust Part 3-2

Continued……

"Why do you want me to give it a chance?" I raised my left eyebrow and asked him in serious tone.

I wanted to know why he wanted me to attend the award show when he never asked me to join before today. Before he just informed me casually as he knew that I will never attend any of them so what's so special about this award show that he wanted me to join it??

He took deep breath and said looking into my eyes "Okay let me tell you why I want you to attend that award show. That's a charity award show to raise money for women who are rape victims. They will help those women with that money so I want you to attend this because I think it will be a great help from our side."

I simply stood up from sofa and went towards balcony to get some fresh air as my mind stopped working. My flat had a small balcony which I decorated with plants as they gave me soothing feeling.

Rape victim

I didn't know how to react to this. It's not like that I didn't want to do anything for them. I also wanted to help those women but I did not have the courage to go in front of people again. When they came to know that I had spent 7 years in jail. The praise of all of them will turn into disgust for me, now those who were praising me will start hate me because of my past.

No matter how much we say that talent could not be judged but it was not true. Society judged everything and if it was not correct according to their rule set, then they also criticized it. I was well aware of this face of society but earlier I had the confidence to shut their mouth but now I had lost all my confidence which sometimes I tried to hide behind my anger.

We were all part of a society where people will see one bad thing of us more than a hundred of our goodness and condemned us for that.

And most importantly I will have to face my past again which I wanted to forget, for which I was not ready at all and probably never will be.

When everyone came to know about my identity, they will want to know everything about me and I did not want to tell anything about me to anyone. I wanted to live my life peacefully, I didn't want anybody's interference in my life but if I attend the award show then everyone will come to know about me for which I am not ready at all.

Ashish bhai (bro) came and stood beside me. He didn't say anything but I knew that he wanted to hear yes from me which I couldn't say.

My life was mine only, no one had any place in it. I wanted to live alone.

"I am sorry bhai (bro) but I can't do this and please don't force me" I said in firm voice feeling guilty inside as he asked me something first time but I couldn't give him.

He turned towards me and looked in my eyes and told me with smile in defeating tone " okay as you wish but still, I would like you to think about it once. " 

I nodded my head and then something clicked in my mind.

I couldn't accept going to award show but I could help those women with my earnings. I got a good amount every month in the form of a check from AH Publication House, which was of no use to me, so I could donate this money to those women but I did not want to come out of my little world.

"Bhai (bro) I can't help them the way they want but I want to help them in this good work by giving something from my side which will reach them in the form of a check every single month. Please ask them about it." He just nodded his head after listening to me without looking at me. I knew he wanted me to go to that award show so that I could face people but I was coward person. Ashish bhai (bro) loved me. I knew that but I couldn't reciprocate his feeling. I respected him but I didn't want to love him. I had become such who could not give love to anyone in exchange for their Love.

When he came here, he was very excited, but my one 'no' had taken away his excitement from him, seeing him, no one could say that he was the same person who was bothering me with his irritating behaviour a while ago.

"You came here to give me some good news so what is it??? As far as I know, that award show was not good news." I asked him with a small smile to lighten his mood.

Hearing me his lips twitched in grin and his eyes started shining with happiness and he turned towards me like a over enthusiastic kid which made me shake my head.

"You know you're a mood killer. I came here with so much excitement but you have spoiled my whole mood but today even your boring self cannot spoil my mood for long. I am very happy today. Yes......... I have good news for you...  We are all going to Mumbai to meet Mishti's family tomorrow and you are also coming with us because if all goes well, we will get married soon." He said with wide smile and his eyes was shining with happiness. he was literally jumping like a kid in excitement.  

He was madly love in with this girl. They were dating since the last 6 years but now they wanted to take their relationship to a new level which was marriage.

Mishti....I had never met her but as much as I had heard about her from Ashish bhai (bro), it only showed that she was a very nice girl and loved him very much. Both of them had waited for many years for this because there was some problem in Mishti's family due to which she could not talk about them with her family.

I didn't know much about Mishti. To be honest, I didn't even know her real name because he always called her by Mishti and I never asked him her real name.

I looked at him who was in his dreamland. 

"My best wishes are with you but I can't come with Mumbai" I flatly denied his wish in emotionless tone and his smile vanished in a second and frown took its place.

once upon a time Mumbai was my home where I lived the happiest moments of my life but today it was only a sign of my painful life, where I never want to go to again.

Mumbai.... My Home.....my happy life...... One incident........ My painful life...... Hollow inside.....

If everything was under my control then I erased all the memory from my mind so that there was no pain in my life.

"I knew your answer would be no but I still wanted to ask you" he said and looked disappointed with my answer.

"I am sorry but...." He cut me off and said "no need to say sorry.... I understand you that it is not easy for you to forget everything and move forward, but I will still tell you that never give up, always keep moving forward no matter what happens." 

He put his hand on my head and caressed my hair with love. 

I only nodded my head.

"Okay I am leaving... Take care of yourself" he said and left from here.

It's already 12 o' clock. I took a quick bath and made breakfast for me. I ate my breakfast in silence and left for grocery shopping.

Every day I was busy with the work of NGOs, only I got Sundays to do my work. Although I did not have any work but there were things like grocery shopping which were necessary to do.

I finished my shopping and came back home at 4 o'clock.

I opened the door with keys and entered inside. I went to kitchen and placed everything in kitchen.

My phone started ringing. I pulled off my phone from my purse.  I see Anita Aunty's name on the screen of the phone. 

I answered her call. I knew that why she was calling me.

"Khanak, Ashish must have told you that we are all going to Mumbai tomorrow so the responsibility of all the work of the NGO is yours till I come back." She said in her sweet voice.

"Don't worry Aunty" I assured her. she was damm serious about NGO.

"I would have liked it if you also came along with us." She said to me in sad voice.

I knew she wanted me to go with her but I couldn't go there. 

Once that place and the people there took away my identity from me and again, I didn't want to lost my new identity which I made with my hard work.

"Okay... I will not force you" she said when she didn't get an answer from me.

I also wanted to respect her wish but I couldn't because of my insecurities. 

“Okay aunty... Take care of yourself" I said her. We talked sometime randomly.

I sat on sofa taking my phone in my both hands and I started thinking about my life, what it had become. How did I come from sky to earth.

Will I ever be as happy as before?

Why was my life becoming like this???? 

there were questions that still haunted me.

Why didn't you trust me???

Why have you turned our love into poison??? 

There were so many whys in my life but there was no answer to any why.

And I hold the person responsible for all this the most, who had always promised to trust me in life, but when the time came when I needed him the most, he broke his promise.

I hate him for making me like this. I hate him........

"Do you really hate him" my stupid heart asked me which made me shut up. He always supported him. 

Why was my heart not ready to accept all this even after all this? He brutally broke my heart but still my broken heart wanted him as he was sole owner of my heart.

"Yes, I am" I said but I knew that's not true but I still wanted to deny.

"Stop lying" my heart said. My heart was damm stubborn.

"I don't want to argue” I didn't want to argue because I knew that I will never win.

I shook my head and went inside my room to take a little nap.

I lied down on my bed to sleep. My bed was not a soft mattress but a hard one because I didn't want to let myself forget what I had tolerated in 9 years.

I closed my eyes to sleep.

.

.

Author's POV

A man was sitting in a wheelchair. His eyes were showing only one emotion that was pain. he was in his early 60s but still was handsome man with his greyish hair.

"Please... come back. Me and our kids need you. You know everything has changed after you." He pleaded in his sad voice and tears in his eyes while caressing her hand lovingly.

He looked at the woman who was lying on the bed, many machines attached to her body and she was sleeping on the bed like a corpse. She was pale and weak but still she was beautiful lady who was in her late 50s.

"Please open your eyes my love. I’m dying to hear your voice. Please come back."  He lovingly caressed her cheek.

He was looking at that woman with so much love but suddenly his expression changed as he remembered something.  He clenched his jaws. He was looking very angry and dangerous.

"Forgive me that I never believed you. You always used to say that that girl is not right for our family but I did not listen to you. I thought you would know her goodness with time, but did not think that we needed to know her truth, not you. Whatever happened to her, she deserved everything. because of her today my wife and my children are away from me. I'll never forgive her." He said with so much hatred. He hated that girl very much because of which today his family was broken and away from him.

There was a time when he loved that girl as his daughter but now, he hated her so much that he would not delay even a moment in taking her life.

It was still difficult for him to believe that how the girl whom his family gave immense love could destroy his family.

He took his wife one hand in his both hands and put his head on it and started crying like a little kid.

He was strong man but he couldn't see his family like this.

"Please open your eyes" he pleaded her to open her eyes. 

His phone broke his sad moment with his wife. he took out his phone from his shirt pocket and answered as he saw his son’s name on phone screen "Hello"

His voice became heavy due to crying. 

"Dad.... are you crying??" He heard his elder son's voice from the other side of the phone. Hearing his voice, it was sure that he was worried about his father.

"Are you with mom???" His son asked him in low tone. His son knew that his father only cry when he was with his mother.

"Yes... but leave this.... Tell me.... When are you coming back???" He asked his son in firm voice. He really wanted to see his son.

"Dad I....." He cut his son in between and ordered him in his strong voice "Mr. Danish Raghwan I am Digvijay Raghwan telling you as a father that you should come back. Tomorrow A family are coming for your sister's hand for marriage and I want both my sons to be with their sister"

"Before you refuse me, let me tell you that if you ignored my daughter because of that girl, then I will never forgive you." Digvijay told Danish. He knew that if he requested his son with love, he will never come. Danish never came to India in the last 9 years so he used his power to make him ready.

"Okay dad" Danish said and cut the call without saying anything more.

A beautiful smile appeared on Digvijay's face when he heard yes from his son.

he was very happy that finally his son was coming in India after 9 years.

First Digvijay looked at his phone then his wife.

Just because of one girl his wife and his son were suffering.

"Today my family is in this condition because of you. Where everyone should have been with each other, they are all separate from each other. You took advantage of the love of all of us and cheated us. I curse you that you should not get anyone's love" he gritted his teeth in anger. 

His hatred for Khanak increased when he looked his wife in a hospital bed.

He only wanted two things in his life one was a happy and united family and second was her destruction.

******