LOT Part 3-1

Lack of Trust Part 3-1

(New Identity of Khanak)

2 years later

Khanak POV

I swear I will not leave whoever disturbed my sleep.  I was working till late last night so I slept early in the morning. Now the enemy of my sleep was not letting me sleep by banging on my door like he was wrestling with it.

“Uff...... please let me sleep for sometimes.” I groaned in frustration while walking towards the door. 

I'm damm sure who he was because only he could do this. He was Ashish bhai (Bro).

Yea bhai (bro), I tried to push him a lot in these two years but he never stopped ranting that I am your elder brother and pestering me and finally I accepted my defeat in front of his stubbornness.

"Open the damm door you lazy woman" Ashish bro shouted from outside still banging on the door and I just shook my head at his impatience. I wonder how his poor wife will bear him because for women five minutes was equal to at least half an hour but this man did not have patience even for five minutes.

In these two years I had come to know that Ashish bhai (bro) was an impatient man. He couldn't wait for a while but he was good human being and Ahuja family also were good people.

I thought I had lost all my reason to live but Anita Aunty and Ahuja family supported and encouraged me to live my life with the new beginning.

When my family turned their back on me 9 years ago, I thought that I would never get the love of family again and maybe I would not be able to accept anyone as my family but Ahuja family once again made me believe in love and humanity. I thought that I had been deprived of all human emotions but no, they made me believe that even though I had shut myself down, I was still alive and a living person could feel, the only difference was that I became numb.

Life may have snatched everything from me 9 years ago but in these two years I got two brothers and a family but I as reluctant to accept them.

Atul bro or Ashish bro treated me like their sister Ritika. I really wished to accept all their love with open arms but the insecure feeling inside me did not allow me to trust anyone with all my heart again.

They never let me feel that I was not a part of their family but I did not want to be a part of anyone's family. I'm confused because sometimes I trusted them and the next moment I didn't.

Whenever I tried to accept them with all my heart, one thing always stopped me that how could I fully trust them when my own family had abandoned me in my difficult times. May be such a time came again in life and they turned their back on me like my family had turned, then I will not be able to tolerate this second blow. I was already hollow inside but still I was living but I couldn't be able to tolerate one more time.

I was well aware that I had developed strong trust issues but it was not my fault that I had trust issues. There was a time when I used to trust even an unknown person but when my family broke my trust without mercy on me, I lost faith in everything in the world. This world was full of beautiful illusions and deceives that you couldn't trust this was what I had learned from my nine years of painful journey which I will never forget.

A strong and loud banging sound broke my thoughts and I yelled almost running towards the door “wait I am coming”

I was telling you that this man was impossible.

Ashish bro knocked on the door loudly again without stopping for a second. I knew that if I did not open the door quickly, the door will be seen lying on the floor in next second.

"I see that you are getting lazy day by day. How long have I been knocking on the door mis sloth???" As soon as I opened the door, he burst out on me. he was looking frustrated with flaring nose. I just rolled my eyes at him.

What's the problem with this guy??? Somebody tell him that it took time to get from the room to the door, I couldn't fly here in a second, but whose who was insane he will argue with this impatient man on this issue.

“Now move” He lightly pushed me away from his path and entered inside the house and slumped down on the sofa while still staring at me.

“Come here” he ordered me while laying on the sofa in very comfortable position.

"Don't order me, I'm not your employee" I told him but still I walked up to him, a childish grin formed on his face and he said with playful cockiness "But I'm your elder brother and  the elder sibling owns the right to order their younger sibling which is right in every sense so matter is closed, no more arguments and also there is only one bratty sister in my life is enough who is always ready to fight with me with her weapons and I dare you to join Ritika's team.”

Hearing his explanation for ordering me my mouth gaped open but hearing his next words I closed my mouth and shot him a glare which didn’t affect him even a one percent "Shut your mouth, otherwise soon the mosquitoes will find a new home, it is a different thing that they will not be able to live long because of the bad smell of your mouth.”

 How dare he???

I opened my mouth to give him a befitting reply but he cut me off “Before you attack me with your not so lovely words, let me tell you that I have good news for you but I will tell you only when you make me a nice cup of tea so move your lazy ass to the kitchen and made your best tea for this lovely brother of yours" he said winking at me while lazily sprawling on my sofa.

what kind of man he was??

I was telling you that he was bipolar. before some time ago he was angry with me for opening door late and now he was acting clam and playful with me.

Sometimes Ashish bhai (bro) reminded me of him. Ashish bro was just like him. He was angry in one moment and calm in another but I was the only one who understood that in his anger there was love hidden for everyone.

"You really think that you know him well????" My inner voice mocked me. she always mocked me liked that whenever I claimed that I knew him well when the truth was that I knew only as much as he wanted me to know about him.

My inner voice was bitch but she was damm right, I didn't know him. I used to think that I knew him best and he knew me the best but my illusion was shattered when I begged him to trust me and he closed his eyes.

"Come back to earth Miss Khanak" he threw a cushion on my face when I didn't pay attention to him making me shut my eyes in irritation.

I picked up the same cushion from floor and threw at him with full force but he caught it very easily and keeping it under his head he started whistling to tease me.

Shit my bad luck.....

I glared at him but my glare had no effect on him.

Was he really Anita Aunty's son or was he switched with some other kid in the hospital because she was so sweet and humble that even a stone hearted man could melt with her sweet smile but this gentleman……… huh…….. just needed to open his mouth and guns will be pointed at him in very next moment.

"Now stop glaring at me.... Go and make a cup of tea for me if you want to know good news. Just shoo away miss grumpy sloth." he said literally shooing me away ignoring my glare and pulled out his phone from his pants pocket. 

I was still glaring at him but his full attention was on his damm phone, seeing which he was smiling like a crazy.  

Idiot..... monkey... irritating pig.

I knew there was no point in glaring at him because he was not going to listen to me so stomping my feet on the floor in annoyance, I made my way to the kitchen and starting making tea for both of us because I too need a strong tea, my head was paining like hell due to lack of sleep and the man sitting in the hall had helped a lot in increasing my headache.

I smile painfully at the tea boiling on the stove, which reminded me of the time when I used to enter the kitchen to do my experiments, the whole house used to go on alert mode and the very next day renovation started in kitchen as my experiments were nothing more than disaster but it was well said that there was no teacher bigger than time who taught you everything which you never expected.

“Will I get my tea today itself or will I have to wait till tomorrow” he shouted from across the hall and I yelled angrily “if you are in such a hurry then why don't you come and make it yourself, at least because of this your devil mind will get rest for some time."

"No, I'm fine here, you do your work and don't give me excuses" I heard his voice on which I scoffed.  

I brought the tea tray to the hall and put it on the table.

"What's the good news???" I asked him in straight tone while sitting on single sofa. 

he looked at me with a smile and put his phone on table sitting on the sofa.

"My little sweet sister" he pulled my cheeks while grinning at me.

I angrily jerked away his hand from my cheeks and said in 'don't taste my passion' "Stop your sweet talk and tell me what's the matter???" 

He took a cup of tea from the table ignoring me and started seeping tea without telling me good news.

"Tell me... I am waiting" I asked him again but this time in stern tone when he didn't tell me. he looked at me and sighed dropping his playful act as he heard my stern tone and all of sudden, he became serious.

“Ok I will come straight to the point. The Writers Association want to award you as the Best Writer. This Association gives award to the best author of the world for their best work and this time they want to give you the award for your marvellous book." He said to me in serious tone but for me the pride was clearly visible in his eyes. Even though he irritated me with his words but he also knew how to be the best brother but this happened very rarely.

He looked at me with the hope that I will agree to it and I gulped down in nervousness as I didn't know how to react. This was not the first time when some association wanted to give me an award for my book. Even before this many associations had wanted to give me the award but I never said yes for it.

You must be wondering which award I was talking then let me tell you.......

I am a writer.

Writer.... Yes, you heard right.

I was fond of writing stories since childhood but then my life had everything that I wanted so I never thought deeply about it that I should write stories. Stories were a way by which we convey our mind and heart to everyone, which we were not able to tell to anyone but then I did not need it because I had the one who not only listened to mean and also fulfilled my every demand.

With him I never felt that I had anything that I could not share with him but when I came out of jail, I had no one with whom I could tell my feelings so I started writing down what I had endured in prison or seen others do.

I met some women in jail. some of them were innocent like me, whom others had made them reach here by framing them for their benefit, and some were there for crimes they had committed under some compulsion.

I saw a glimpse of me in them who were there because of their family. The family who left them alone in their difficult times.

I met a woman in jail who had killed her husband's elder brother in self-defence when he tried to rape her. She tried a lot to convince her husband that she was right but he refused to listen even to her and sided with his family against her which was enough to tell her that the promises of love he had made to her were hollow like his love. Her husband left her just like mine left me but she never compromised her self-respect by begging him for his love. She bravely faced what life threw at her.

She was orphan but she never gave up on her life. She faced all the difficulties of her life like a true warrior. When she was released from jail, she joined an NGO which worked for women like her and taught many women to deal with their problems and became an inspiration for those women.

There were countless such stories who were imprisoned inside the four walls of the jail which wanted to come out but there was no one to bring them out. I was not saying that all the women present in the jail were good, there were many women for whom even the jail gave very little punishment but some women's pain deserved to reach people that they were not just a number of jail but a story which had the ability to become your inspiration.

One day when Ashish bro came to meet Anita aunty in the NGO for some important work. he took my pen drive by mistake.

My story was in that pen drive. He read it and found it an inspiring story of a woman's bravery and sorrow. He printed that book as 'The voice of woman' without asking me. He ran AH publications house with his best friend Harish, in which they gave chances to newcomers along with popular writers.

When he brought me the first copy of "The Voice of Woman" I was very angry with him and blasted on him that how did he publish my book without my permission??

He explained to me that it was a very good book which could be an inspiration for women.

I got his point right and I gave my consent but took a promise from him that he will keep my identity secret, he will never tell anyone who was the Writer of that book.

I used to love this lime light and attention, but today I didn't want any of these that's why I took that promise from him.

The most important thing was that I did not want to meet any person related to my past, especially Him and His and My forgotten family. When he came to know about me, he will definitely come to meet me not because he wanted me back in his life but because of that he can remind me all that again. 

He was a very good man but if someone harmed him or his family then he made their life worse than hell.

His family...... I laughed on myself. Once I was also a part of that family but now, I was his enemy who had harmed him and his family.

I did not have the courage to see the hatred for myself in his eyes.

“He hated me.” this single thought was enough to rip my heart but this was my truth of my life.

Anyway, my aim was to bring my story to the people and not to be famous so I thought that it was good idea.

Someone grabbed me by my shoulder and shook me hard which broke my painful chain of thoughts.

I looked at Ashish bro who was looking at with worried and tensed expression.

"I know Khanak that you took a promise from me that I will not reveal your identity to anyone but That Association has been requesting me for many months. I think you should give it a chance." He put his hand on my shoulder and said in serious voice while looking at me worriedly.

He was very fun-loving man but when he was serious, it's mean that thing was very important.

"Why do you want me to give it a chance?" I raised my left eyebrow and asked him in serious tone.

Continued……