Chapter 7

I smile at the faceless man with beautiful hazel eyes, and he gazes at me with such sweet sincerity, “Thank you.” I tell him.

“For what?” he asks.

“I don’t know”, I smile, but his eyes suddenly darken, and his face morphs into somebody I’m highly familiar with, Dean.

“That’s right Bitch”, Dean mocks as I start to whimper and sob. “I want to hear you scream for me,” He murmurs low in my ear.

“I won’t stop until you SCREAM!” He shouts; I blink as his saliva hits my face.

He keeps moving, thrusting in and out, in and out. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of screaming, but the pain is beyond what I can bear. I start to tremble; tears roll nonstop down my face. He’s staring into my eyes; I can see how much he’s enjoying my pain and tears. He is so stupidly gratified I start to gag. He covers my mouth with his grease-covered hand and shakes his head no.  

How can this man who professes to love me do this to me?

I scream inside my head. I refuse to let it out. I won’t give in.

Go to your quiet place Lillian!

His grip around my throat tightens until I can barely breathe, I whimper, but he can’t hear me over his heavy breathing; his breathing becomes harsher with excitement.

“Come on!” Dean yells. He lets go of my throat and squeezes my breast so excruciatingly hard I turn my head and shriek until my voice is hoarse.

He slowly licks the side of my face and laughs, “I told you I’ll make you scream; Didn’t I fucking tell you. You stupid fucking bitch!” he shoves me into the bed and moves off me, doing up his pants quickly.

“Clean yourself up; you are one fucking ugly bitch. I’m surprised my dick fucking still wants you,” He snarls as he leaves the room.

I sit up, searching the room for an intruder feeling disoriented and panting as if I’ve just run a marathon—Benny’s barking.

“Shit!” I flop back onto my bed and take a huge breath and sigh in relief. I’m at home, my home. Dean is not here. He has never been here. He can’t get me here.  

Fear quickly turns to anger. How fucking stupid! I hate that I still have these dreams. I hate the feeling of helplessness I feel during the nightmare and after them. I quickly wipe my tears from my cheeks and roll over to switch the lamp on my bedside table. I take the glass of water I left on my bedside table last night and sip it slowly. My throat is sore; I probably screamed out loud again. Thank goodness I invested in soundproofing my bedroom. Otherwise, Dax or someone would have called the police thinking I was attacked for real.

The problem is it felt real. The smell, the pain, and his eyes. God, I hate these flashbacks.

I scratch Benny on the head, “Thank god for you, Benny.”

Training Benny as my Service Dog was the best thing I’ve ever done, and I will always be grateful to him.

I check the time; 6 am. It looks like I’m starting a new trend. I watch Benny enjoying his small doggy treat, “I guess it’s time to get up and feed you, hey little monster” Benny tilts his head to the side trying to understand me, it’s then that I remember, I have a coffee - dare I say it - date later. I grin broadly, biting my lip.

My dream is all but forgotten.

My phone buzzes as I look at myself in the mirror, making sure I don’t have any stains or marks on my clothes.

“Hello?” I check the time; it’s just gone 8:30 am. I’m already ready for my date, but I think I’ll take Benny for a quick walk first.

“Hey…. So did you stalk him last night?” Stace giggles.

“God, No. Do people really do that?”

She sighs heavily on the phone, “Yes, people do that. Jesus Lilly, you should. We don’t want you getting cozy with a serial killer, now do we?”

“Well, if he’s a serial killer, then you have a pretty good description of him and his friends, plus the surveillance cameras from The Bar.”

“You are so literal, Lillian. I was just kidding, but seriously you didn’t even check to see if he had Insta or F*?”

I roll my eyes, “You know I don’t have any of that shit.”

“Humph, you really should get on this fantastic bandwagon called life.”

“I’m quite happy with the status quo, thanks anyway”, I chuckle, “Listen, I gotta go.”

“Before you do, I want you to hear me out, okay.”

I sigh, “Fine. Lay it on me.”

“Be open to this, Lillian.”

“I’m open.”

“No, you aren’t. You’re like thick bulletproof glass. Nothing can penetrate.”

“You can’t blame me”, I whisper

“I know, Lill. Dean has taken so much from you. Stop letting him. Be open to this date with Lucas today. You don’t have to go on another date with this guy again. Let your guard down a little, and if things go nowhere, at least you had a nice coffee. Right?” She giggles, “I know that sounded super cheesy.”

I laugh, “Don’t worry, and I got it.”

“Last night, I saw a sparkle in your eyes that I hadn’t seen in a long time,” Stace says quietly.

“I was drunk”, I laugh.

“You can’t fool me, Lilly; I know you like him.”, we’re silent for a while, “Alright, Lilly, I’ll let you go. Just enjoy the moment and be yourself.”

“I will. Bye”

“Bye,” she hangs up.

I was apprehensive before she called. Now I’m a bundle of nerves. I grab Benny’s lead, “Let’s go, Benny boy.”

Benny’s laying down by my feet, gnawing on a large bone we brought on the way here from the local butcher. I’ve ordered myself a latte, waiting for Mr Lucas Craven to grace us with his presence.

He’s late.

What the hell was I thinking of agreeing to this. It would be my luck if he decided to ditch me. That would be humiliating, especially after ‘the talk’ from Stace this morning. On my little walk with Benny this morning, I decided to take her advice and be open, but now I wish that no one knew about this date, so I can save face if he doesn’t show.

I feel like slapping myself for joking with him about Benny last night. He probably thinks Benny’s a man I’m seeing instead of a bloody dog. I was drunk and thought it was funny, but now in the cold light of a sober day, that was one of the lamest things I’ve ever said.

Just add it to the list of embarrassing shit I’ve said or done in my short life.

I drum my fingers impatiently on top of the table; I should have bought my Earphones or eReader or both. At least I could have been doing something while being stood up. I check my phone for the umpteenth time.

Shit, I only have twenty percent battery power left. In my drunken state, I forgot to charge my phone last night. Well, there goes that idea of using the eReader App. I probably d******d a book and not get to read any of it.

A customer near me looks up and grunts at me, annoyed at my constant tapping. Don’t worry, arsehole; I’m annoying myself. Patience isn’t one of my virtues, ha! I almost snort. I used to be a very patient person. I guess Dean used all of my patience.  

Benny frightens me when he lets out a low and threatening growl; I lean down and command him to stop by using hand signals.

I startle when I hear a soft chuckle from behind me; my spine starts to tingle. I swallow hard, and slowly I look up, and to my relief, it’s Lucas. Gosh, I’m jumpy today.

“Hi Lucas”, I let out a nervous laugh. My paranoia is starting to get out of control. I’m glad I booked an appointment to see my therapist this week.

Lucas grins, “Hi, please call me Luke” I motion to him to take a seat opposite me. Instead, he chooses the chair next to me but still leaves Benny's space; it makes me smile, which astonishes me. I’m hardly what you call friendly. Relax, take a breath; Stace said to stay open, and that’s what you’re doing, Lillian, so breathe in and out slowly. Relax.  

The waiter immediately takes Luke’s coffee order. As soon as the waiter leaves, Luke turns to me, beaming mischievously, “I’m sorry I startled you, I was just surprised to see this big guy here” He points to Benny, and I laugh.

“No, I’m sorry I should have told you about Benny.” Luke waves it away with another laugh. I introduce them to each other.

He lets Benny sniff his hand; before petting him, Luke’s eyes move to me, “How was the rest of your evening?” he asks.

“Quite uneventful, and yours?”

He nods. “Same.”

We sit in silence for a while. It gives the waiter plenty of time to return with Luke’s coffee.

Lord, this couldn’t be more awkward. What do people say on dates??

I’m typically good with people, but I suppose the people I primarily interact with since Dean is at the shelter or my tiny circle of friends. I haven’t dated since those regrettable dates with Dax. Well, not a regret, I got a best friend out of it, and sometimes his delicious brother comes to town. Ren is only great to look at; He’s as big a playboy as his brother.

I watch Luke as he sips his coffee; his eyes are a gorgeous hazel. They’re primarily green with big flecks of brown around the pupil. I blush when I notice his smile. God, I’m staring again.  

Luke leans his elbows on the table and rests his chin in his hands, “So what breed of dog is Benny?”

I almost sigh in relief; this is safer ground, “He’s a Great Dane, a giant breed”, I say, stating the obvious; I smother my laugh. God, I have never been this giddy or nervous in my life!

He smiles. “Is Benny short for Bentley?” 

“No, I love music and tend to name all of my pets after musicians and songs. I named Benny after Elton John’s Song ‘Benny and the Jets. One of my mother’s karaoke favourites.” He laughs, “It seems appropriate with him being so playful and ridiculous as the song.”

He chuckles, “That’s an interesting way to name a pet.” I shrug, feeling a little more relaxed.

“Do you have any pets?”

“No, I’m rarely home enough to have pets.” He concludes. Note that down as Flag number one.

Maybe Stace is right, just a coffee date, and that’s it. If this guy doesn’t have time for a pet, he doesn’t have time for anything serious. I feel a little sad about that, which is surprising. I could be just jumping to conclusions. Who are you trying to convince here, Lillian? There’s no one around here except him, and he asked you out for a coffee. Jesus, get a fucking grip! Hmm, those beautiful hazel eyes.

“So, you sing,” he says more as a statement.

I shake my head, “No, well, not exactly.”

“I’ve seen you sing with Modus Grace a few times now.”

“Really?” I’m surprised. Someone as hot as this guy has been in my bar more than once, and I haven’t noticed him. Shit, does that mean that he’s a fan? Or what did Dax call them? Stans? I don’t get that vibe from him.

“Yeah, I’ve never dared to ah talk to you.”

Well, that’s kinda sweet. I smile playfully, “Instead, you soaked me in alcohol.”

He looks away sheepishly, “I’m sorry about that.”

I wave it away, “No need to apologise. It was an accident.”

“Your voice is beautiful, by the way.”

“Thanks”

“What do you do exactly?”

“What you mean?” I ask confused

“You said you're not exactly a singer.”

“Right.” I nod, sipping my latte, “My sister and I flip houses.”

“Really?” he asks, surprised, but he leans further in, clearly interested, “My brothers and I own a company with many business interests, including Real Estate.”

“What else does your family business do aside from Real Estate?”

“It’s mostly investments. We invest and help the business thrive or break them down and sell or absorb parts of the business. It’s lucrative, sometimes a little hostile. We try hard to keep the companies together, and if not, we try to redeploy the employees within our business, rather than firing them all.”

“Geez, No wonder you don’t have time for pets”, I joke. How could this man have a girlfriend or pets when he has ‘Investments’ to keep an eye on.

It doesn’t matter; we are not interested, the little voice in my head reminds me.

“How many siblings do you have?”

“Just my sister, she’s married and has a daughter. You?”

“Twin brothers. They live in Dubai at the moment; they specialise in jewellery. They hunt down delicate, beautiful gems and stones and turn them into exquisites pieces of jewellery. Dylan is a gemstone specialist; he acquires the stones while Declan is the creative generous, designing and making the jewellery.”

“Wow”

“Yeah, they’re impressive.”

I tilt my head with curiosity, “Why aren’t you with them?”

“I volunteered to stay behind for our business. Most of our business is here all over Australia.” He shrugs halfheartedly.

“Is that what you’d like to do with your life? Where’s your father?”

“My father, my parents, for that matter, are dead.” He smiles grimly.

“I’m so sorry.”

Luke shrugs again, “It was a long time ago.” He sits back, “I’m more a silent partner, I have the final say along with my brothers, but I tend to not go into the office as often as some people would like.”

“Okay, so if you aren’t in the office, what are you doing?”

“I like to be amongst the people. Recently we branched out into the hospitality sector and opened a couple of restaurants and clubs. Some are in four and five-star hotels. Those have been keeping me busy, which I don’t mind. I enjoy going out and being the face of the company.” Flag number two, the face of the company.

“What about your parents?” he asks.

“It’s just my mother, Esther and my sister.” I smile. I’ll be seeing them this Sunday at our annual weekly dinner. 

“And your father?”

I frown. “My father left a long time ago,” I say with such finality I give him no room to ask more questions about the sperm donor.

“What do you do when you’re not flipping houses or singing?”

“Sometimes I volunteer with a couple of charities but otherwise, I work at The Bar” I don’t know why I don’t tell him I own it.  

“My family run a foundation, which charities have won your heart, Miss Blackwood,” he asks, his curious hazel eyes intent on mine.

I notice a man staring in our direction; the man looks away quickly. I wonder who he is, but Luke distracts me and asks me again, “What kind of charities?”

I’m so distracted that I just can’t think on my feet. I’m such an idiot for even mentioning charity work. I don’t like to talk about my work at the shelter or the Centre. It’ll lead to shit I don’t want to share with him.

Benny saves me from answering his question when he starts to sniff around Luke.

We fall into a more comfortable conversation of run-of-the-mill things, like our taste in music, chocolate versus vanilla.

Before I know it, a couple of hours has gone by, and Benny has had enough lounging. I glance at my watch; I have time for a quick walk to the dog park.

I look up and find Lucas staring at me with a warm expression. I flush. “Um, well, it was lovely having coffee with you.”

“You're leaving already?” he asks, surprised.

“It’s been two hours Luke. I’m sure you have other things to do. I know I do, and Benny needs a walk before I take him home.”

Luke abruptly stands and asks, “Can I come too?”

“Um, sure.” I stand awkwardly.

“Great, wait right here. I’ll just go and pay the bill,” he winks and heads inside.

Lillian, what the hell are you doing!