In The Rain

It's raining outside and I need to stay inside. And it means that it's until tomorrow. The ambience is super calm. A perfect time to recall the changes I've experienced this week. These days have been an adventure to me. But I know, there's a disaster waiting and it's near to come. But, as long as it makes me happy, there's nothing wrong with it.

Lately, I just found myself practicing my speech if ever my parents find out about my morning escapes.But I am really praying to all Saints hoping they wouldn't get a hold of me and won't let me go out if the time will come they will know about it.

My speech goes like:

Mom,Dad, forgive me. I know you are doing your very best for me. But I couldn't stand being stuck here. It's giving me reasons to hate my life. I just want to be a normal and feellike I exist. I want to live my life. It's not that I don't want to be with you anymore, I just want to go out of my comfort zone. I want to celebrate my life.

I even memorized it.

I took my ukulele and played the song I practiced last week. I kept on playing the F minor until it sounds right. I also finished my landscape painting about sunset. I don't know why I am so freaking in love with the sunset. It's like reminding me that there is a happy ending in a life full of tragedies. After a little while, I went downstairs to make some pancakes. 

I decided to watch another animated movie entitled " I Want To Eat Your Pancreas ". The first time I heard the title, I really thought it's a grossy movie or like promoting cannibalism. But after finishing the movie, it was a really good one. Spoiler: she didn't die because of her disease.

Mom told me I need to wait for the garbage truck before going back to my room after lunch. It was already half past one in the afternoon when the garbage truck took our garbages. The only garbage left here is me.

I badly want to go outside, I mean in the East side, but the rain still won't stop. It's been raining since morning. I sat by the window staring the foggy atmosphere outside. I wonder how would it feel to get soaked in the rain. I was silently staring outside when I suddenly saw a familiar silhouette of a man. 

Someone hit the doorbell and I stood up fast to see who is it. 

Tim? 

I took my umbrella and my raincoat. The rain is pouring heavily and the land is getting muddy. I slowly walked going to his direction preventing myself to fall and create an embarrassing moment.

I opened the gate and I saw him getting soaked in the rain. 

“Why are you here?” I said loudly as the sound of the rain is really loud.

He chased his breath first as he got tired from running.

“Do you want to come in?”

He still didn't respond and it's making me feel dumb. After few seconds, he grab my umbrella and held both of my arms aggressively. He threw the umbrella away and now I am already soaked in the rain.

“What the hell are you thinking Timothy Williams?!” I said bursting in anger and surprised. Freak. The water is so cold!

He then laugh and grab me by the arms and now we are now running in the streets while the rain is pouring heavily.

“We can save water consumption in our home if we play in the rain!” He utter while we are running and I don't know where we are heading.

“You should've told me, you idiot!” I scream as we are now turning left.

After some time of running and arguing and laughing and almost slipping, we reached the East side, the place where I first punched him in the face.

We stood next to the tree and he suddenly turned his head to me and spoke. “You're really need some time to escape. Your a prisoner, aren't you?”

I fliched by his sudden thought and furrowed my brows. “Pardon me?”

He stretched out his both hands to touch the leaves of the innocent tree. I saw him smirked and he faced me with his innocent look.

“ It seems like this is your first time.”

“Then what now? Was it illegal that I become a prisoner?” I asked with sarcasm traced in my tone of speaking.

“I'm telling you, there's more fun outside this small village. There's also a lot of stuffs that are worst than what you see here. Why don't you try to live your own life and stop being controlled? Are you really that scared?”

I nearly scoffed in front of him. “ You sound like you know me well.”

“ You're too easy to read. Your worrries are too visible in your every action,you can't blame me for being observant.” 

I finally faced him and the rain is still pouring heavily. “ How could you say you know me when I don't even know who I am?” I said and my voice cracked and I know I'm getting close to being a crybaby.

He gave me a quick look and then he stepped out and went farther from me. He stretched out his hands and look up in the sky .

“Mom, why did you leave us?!” He screamed from the top of his lungs.

“ I just want to be happy!” He continued.

“Let me be happy for the next days or months or years- forever!”

He continued screaming with his deep voice. He glanced at my direction and asked me. “Wanna try? This will eventually ease your pain.”

I run to his direction and the rain is touching my skin again. I run as fast as I could without thinking I might slip. I stretched my hands like what he did and looked up in the dark sky. It feels awkward at first, really. I gathered up my energy first before screaming.

“ I just want to live like a normal girl!”

I stopped and glanced at him. 

“Great. Continue.”

“ I don't want to get stuck in this small place!”

“ I just want to feel normal!”

My tears poured out from my eyes going with flow of how the rain poured.

“ I hope she won't punch me again.” said Tim, making me look at him and wanting to punch him again.

“ I hope he would stop being an annoying jerk who doesn't know personal space!”

It was that time I knew I need to be brave to live the life I want to live. I need to step out of my comfort zone and find where I truly belong.The past years are already enough for me to live a life I thought I would be happy living on that cycle.

It somehow made me feel great. It's like telling your problems to the world but no one's listening. But atleast, it helped. It is like letting go a heavy burden in your heart.

This world is too noisy to hear you. You need to have courage to speak up and fight for what you want. Before getting to the better part, you need to go through a dark tunnel. Life is tough, and so am I.

I went home and washed myself immediately before Mom and Dad arrive. I dried my hair and washed my wet clothes. The cute umbrella that Tim threw is now lost. 

We had a dinner together and Dad said he will be off for a business trip. After dinner, I entered my room and comb my hair when Mom went up to my room and she looked serious.

She sat down beside me and hold my hand.

“ Zoe Kathareen-”

I cutted her off. “Mom, just call me Zoe.”

She didn't smile and stayed calm which is making me tremble and I started overthinking.

“ I hope you understand why you can't go outside this village. We are just after your safety and for the best of you.”

The best for me or the best for them?

“ Yes Mom. i understand.”

 I really want to tell Mom about it already but I know they won't understand. They won't get my point. I know if I tell her about it, she wouldn't let me go out and worst, she would hire a personal guard for me. She almost did it back then.

Am I a bad daughter?

 Mom is already in the doorway when I called her.

“Mom.” I spoke causing her to turn her head and faced me.

Tell her, now.

It's now or never, Zoe.

“Yes, honey?” She spoke in her natural soft voice.

“Goodnight.” I said.

Not now, Zoe.