Chapter 4

"The formula is..."

Boring, boring, boring.

Welcome to my worst class with my worst teacher - Calculus.

With the way things were going, I would not be surprised if today was worse than yesterday. And That is saying a lot after the events of yesterday.

After my friends left, I could not stop thinking about what Bryce said. Convincing myself that it was harmless, I decided to browse on love. No surprise, I could not relate to any of the signs of being in love. So, I decided to choose the next best option; what happens when someone doesn't find love?

Believe me, you do not want to see what I saw.

Loneliness, feeling of dissatisfaction? I know, it is horrible. But then I tried consoling myself with the thought that I was only seventeen. I mean, seriously, how many teenagers found love? It is mostly just silly crushes, but love?

Yeah, right. Cut to me reading a bazillion real life teenage love stories online.

Apparently, it is easier for teenagers to fall in love because they had less inhibitions about love - whatever that meant. And yet, I had not fJoseph in love.

What if I never fell in love? I always thought I had everything.

The best clothes, shoes, cars, boyfriends, trips, just name it. But now?

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the message notification on my phone. Sliding it open, I was welcomed by a message from Beckham who was sitting right behind me. She did not want to sit beside me because then, she'd have to sit next to a moony-eyed Jackson Robertson.

Beckham: sup? You are lasting a whole longer than usual today. I pulled out my phone the moment Mrs. L started teaching, but it has been 15 minutes and you are still listening to her?

She was right.

I would been so caught up thinking about 'that thing,' that I did not even have to use my phone as a distraction for Mrs. Lashley's boring Calculus class. A small smile played on my lips as I typed a reply to her.

Me: just decided to take my education seriously.

Beckham: yeah, right. So, am I the only one who thinks Mrs. L looks hot today?

Me: Hot? Please tell me you are doing that thing where you say the opposite of what you mean.

Beckham: nah, I actually mean it this time. I think she has like 3 sweaters on, so I am certain she's oozing hotness...inside her pits.

Beckham was just something else. I did not realize a small laugh had escaped my lips until I heard her.

"Miss Joseph, seeing how you are laughing, it looks to me like you find something to be more interesting than this class."

Great! Asides killing my fun, she's killing my laughter too. One more reason to the millions of reasons why I hated this class. I donned a smile, matching the forced one she had on.

"Well, Mrs. L, I think you'd agree with me that not just something, but basically everything is more interesting than this class."

A round of chuckles passed through the class, but soon faded in the face of Mrs. Lashley's piercing stares. No kidding, her stares were pretty terrifying. Though I could practically hear her teeth grinding in anger, she forced out a chuckle.

"Well, it is understandable that you find everything to be more interesting than this, it shows you appreciate humor. You know, test sheets also have a great sense of humor." She said the last part with a small smile which seemed friendly, but I knew better.

Which was why I smiled in reply, reeling in the satisfaction of knowing how much it annoyed her.

And That is Mrs. Lashley.

The only thing she hated more than joy, was probably me. For no reason specifically, except for that time in class where she told me, "Stephanie, do not you think those clothes are too revealing? You know this is a school dear, and not a strip show."

Of course, she added one of those smiles of hers, but I knew better. And dear? Dear my foot! The sarcasm in that word was practically dripping. Besides, if I was so dear to her, she would not have said that when I was standing in front of the entire class, but instead told me privately. Although, not like that'd have made much of a difference to me. But the point was, she said it in an attempt to humiliate me.

So, with the same smiley face she had on, I answered, "oh, Mrs. L, if We are going down that lane then I guess I can ask you the same thing. Do not you think those clothes are a little too loose? You know this is a class ma'am, and not a sack race."

Of course, I could see she wanted to tear me into pieces, but she covered it up with her usual angry-happy smile. And since then, our relationship had been a disrespectful one ever since I could remember, and I could not care less.

Now, though, she was asking, "so, who has a solution for us?"

Definitely not me.

Yeah, I might or might not sort of really suck at calculus. Although, if I was being honest, it is not like anyone could understand what was on the board, much less have a solution.

"Yes, Holland."

And I spoke too soon. Ok, fine, maybe I did suck a little at calculus.

Holland Kathy, however, MaHolland from her seat in her ever poised demeanor. Ever thought of pretty redheads who smiled too much, and had the virtues of a female lead that just stepped out of a Disney movie from the early 2000's?

Then, there you had it - Holland Kathy.

A model student, straight A's, no bad record, always representing our school in academic competitions, and with tons of trophies to her name. No kidding, I bet the awards she's bagged were more than Beckham's horror novels. It is a no brainer that all the teachers loved her. Yeah, even Mrs. Lashley. She was also well liked by many of the students here. I did not exactly like her, but I definitely did not dislike her either. The most we'd exchanged were tight lipped smiles.

Really, really, tight lipped. Well, it is especially hard to be all grinny-faced when I would caught her a number of times, staring at me and my friends in class like we were the definition of 'everything parents taught their kids not to be.' I did not realize she was done solving the question on the board, until I heard Mrs. Lashley say, "good job, Holland," to which she smiled, saying, "thank you, ma'am," before returning to her seat.

Mrs. Lashley started one of her long winded speeches about how no topic was difficult, but how it was us who made it difficult in our minds. And that was my cue to zone her out. My eyes wandered across the class until they sized in on the lean form and chestnut hair, SpongeBob guy. Well, Hawk. But there was something which interested me other than the fact that he was not wearing a SpongeBob shirt today.

He was actually staring at...me!

He must have noticed that I caught him staring because he looked away hurriedly, his face flushed. Oh my god! Could it be... Did he really... Why did not I think of this earlier? ‘

Guys like me do not get girls they like. Especially girls who are beautiful, popular, and probably do not even know they exist.'

Hawk, he liked me!

That was why he tried to make me feel better yesterday. And all along, he was trying to drop hints of his feelings for me, but I did not get it. Poor guy. Speaking of guys, my eyes just caught Bryce's.

He did not break the stare and just when I was about to throw him a smile, he looked away.

Well, ouch!

'Stephanie I love you...I do not know if you feel the same.'

'If math can be learnt, then love can't be any different.'

Was Hawk actually right?

If he was, then that could mean I just might be able to make my relationship with Bryce work with his help. No, what sort of crazy thought is that?

Learning love? That is so ridiculous! But then it would not hurt to try, would it?

Gosh, my thoughts were driving me crazy.

I cast a brief glance at Bryce. I was not lying when I said I really liked him. But then, would it make sense to try something so ridiculous just so I could win him over? And Hawk was a good guy. I doubted I had the heart to ask him for help despite knowing of his feelings for me. But then, even he agreed that guys like him never got girls like me.

So, it would not exactly be a bad idea to ask for his help, or would it?

'You are right. We've tried and failed too many times; we should stop here now.'

No, I did not want things to end that way. And in that moment, I decided to speak to Hawk after class. Crazy talk or not, he might actually be able to help me.

If he was right, and this learning love thing would really help with winning Bryce back, then I was down with it. And with that thought, I focused my attention back on Mrs. Lashley's class which for some reason, seemed a bit less boring than before.

Just a tad bit less.