Chapter Three

I had woken up a lot better these past few days than I did on Sunday. It seems as if the clear quartz crystal Dad gave me had worked. It had restored a lot of my energy. He told me to put it under my pillow so I obliged. The crystal didn't cure my emotional state but I couldn't help but wish that it did. I was packing up my life here in San Diego today. I thought it would be best to leave as soon as I could because Elliot and Vera wanted to make plans with me before school started and an encounter with them was what I was trying to avoid. What I especially feared was them coming here unannounced. School started on Wednesday and it was now Monday. I was also really silent on the group chat and that probably made them even more suspicious.

I currently had the house to myself, Dad went to work and Annalise was out running some errands. It was honestly the perfect time for me to gather some time to think. I wanted to write Elliot and Vera goodbye letters. I had to at least apologize to them for leaving abruptly and unannounced. I wanted them to know I'd be okay. At least I hope I will be. I had a strong urge in me to take out a pen and paper. A heavy sigh made its way between my lips. Something in me was set on writing these letters right now. I attempted to make myself comfortable on my bed but my back and posture had much more of a liking to being settled in the chair and desk in front of my window. The leaves on the trees outside rattled in response to the busy winds of San Diego. My fingers tightly squeezed the pen I had grabbed.

I tapped the table with the thin writing tool. I had no clue what I would write. "Name, how about a name." I nodded to myself. I had slowly written the letters to Vera's name. I had used four lines for the job. "Shit," I muttered to myself. I forget to add 'Dear' before Vera's name. I decided against throwing the paper away and starting with a new one. Vera would definitely be upset if she saw me wasting paper. I stylized some butterflies and flowers around her name. About ten minutes had passed and I couldn't sit here in my unproductive manner. I plugged my earphones into my phone and selected a song that would hopefully inspire words to materialize. My brain was as desolate as a wasteland. I had previously thought of a million things to say yesterday night but right now as I sat in this chair, pen in hand nothing came to me. I scratched my head and my tongue glided against my teeth. A sudden spark lit up in my head and commenced a flow of words to pour into my pen.

'So... here I am writing you a letter. I know, it's very 1800s of me. Anyway, I couldn't gather the courage to do this over text or in person. You know how much I fear being left on read and this is that type of letter. Everything I'm telling you I'm writing it to Elliot too. I'm not returning to Crestview and quite frankly I don't know if I'm ever going to come back. My Dad found a school for me in Washington. Yes, I'm going to a boarding school. I didn't want to lie to you or Elliot, that's why I've been avoiding you two like crazy. Let's just say I've discovered something about myself and this school that I'll be going to- will be able to accommodate me best going forward. Believe me, I would tell you the full details of why I'm leaving but it's all inconceivably complicated. I'm really sorry for telling you this way.'

My view had been blurred by tears. I didn't want to leave tear stains on my letter to Vera so I brought my face up, blinked repeatedly, and gazed at the ceiling. I had just realized I still had to write a letter to Elliot too. I didn't feel like I had concluded with Vera's letter. I decided to take a break by taking my clothes out of my closet. I had two giant suitcases outside my room waiting to be filled up. I selected a more upbeat song, kick-starting my mundane task of packing.

***

Tuesday had arrived and today was the day I would be leaving. My flight was at eleven AM and I'd land at about half-past two in the afternoon. I had continued writing my letters in privacy halfway through my packing. I was satisfied enough with them that the letters ended up being sealed in a coffee-toned envelope. I had thirty minutes left to spend in the house that I had grown up in my whole life. Of course, I'd be back but I couldn't help but miss the place. I would be sharing a room with at least two other people and honestly, that made me feel nervous. Growing up as an only child I never really had to share anything.

This was going to be a very new experience for me. I had of course shared things like food with Elliot and Vera but never something like a bathroom, bedroom, or closet space. I wanted to take the baby blue blanket that was folded meticulously on my bed. The reason I liked that blanket was that it smelt like my mother. She smelt like the concoction of the ocean and spring mixed in a bottle. That was kind of the only thing I could hold on to that wasn't photos from a photo album. Her clothes and some of her belongings were donated as soon as Annalise moved in. It didn't help either that my memory of her face was fading as each day passed.

"Hey, are you ready to leave?" My father poked his head through my door. I clutched onto my luggage and nodded. "By the way did you get to say goodbye to your friends?" He entered my room and grabbed my larger suitcase. I continued to hold onto my smaller one. "No... I- I wrote them letters," I took out the letters from my tote bag and waved them around in the air. "And I'm not sure what I'm going to do with them." I nervously tapped the envelopes against the palm of my hand. I wanted Elliot and Vera to see the letters as soon as possible which made me rethink my choice of taking the letters to the post office. I also didn't want to drop them off in their mailboxes at the expense of being seen. "How about I teach you a spell so that you can get those letters to your friends," my eyebrows furrowed due to my confusion. Was he talking about teleporting the letters because that sounded insane? "I'll be right back," he placed my suitcase back onto the floor and exited my room.

I sprang myself back onto my bed and waited for his return. I shifted my seated position on the bed to lay down on my stomach. My eyes shut while I enjoyed my Queen sized bed one last time. I would be trading this beauty for a full sized bed. I opened my eyes to my father re-entering my room again. He held four, yellow cylindrical candles in his hands. Although the candles were medium-sized my Dad held them in his hands with ease. I would've struggled a little bit to hold them all. He planted them all on the floor, forming a square in the process. "Where are the letters?" He said. I got up from the bed and took them out of my tote bag again. Dad stuck out his hand and said something under his breath. He shut the door with what seemed to be the force that controlled me the other night. "Woah," I chuckled softly. Although I had made objects levitate, this was all still very new to me. I had never seen Dad use his powers until this week and magic was intangible to me all my life. Not that I was Positivist or anything but I never really had a strong belief in magic. I didn't have any reason to believe in it.

"Why don't you try to close the curtains," I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head. "I don't think that's such a good idea Dad. The last time I did magic things did not go too well." I would probably be more comfortable doing magic in a controlled environment anyway. "You can't expect perfection or control each time you use magic, Ren. It doesn't work like that," he stuck out both of his hands and turned his wrists outwards which shut the curtains. As soon as the darkness was welcomed the candles began illuminating the room. "Come into the square," I followed my Father's instructions and entered the square of candles. I could instantly feel a difference in the energy inside the square in comparison to everything else outside of it. Calmness was the first thing I felt permeate through my skin. This caused a layer of goose bumps to form on my skin. The rapid beat of my heart rate slowed down. Clarity and serenity were inside of this square. They washed away my fear. My fingers began to tingle just like last time.

If I weren't in this square I would probably panic in fear but I felt secure in myself and the force within me. Dad held the letters in his palms. I put my hands on the first letter that had Vera's name. The letter was sandwiched in between mine and my Father's hands. "Close your eyes," he instructed. I obliged and shut my eyes. "Now, imagine Vera's house. Do you remember what it looks like?" I nodded. "Think about where you want to put this letter?" I had Vera's room in mind but I figured it would be creepy if I had left the letter anywhere in her house. She has a mailbox so maybe that was an option. "The red, mailbox outside her house." I envisioned the red mailbox that was on the grass next to her driveway. "Now imagine the letter with Vera's name in the red mailbox at her house." I did exactly as he said. Dad began chanting two words that I didn't understand. I just followed his lead and chanted too.

"Envia jecto, envia jecto," we both said in unison.

"Ren open your eyes," I opened my eyes and removed my palms from the paper. Elliot's letter was the only letter that remained.

"Oh my gosh," It worked. I held in my breath before scoffing. This was the first time I completed a spell. "You see you did it. On your own, all I did was guide you." Dad smiled at me. I could tell he was proud of me. It was truly evident in his eyes. The emotions he conveyed rubbed onto me too because I was happy with what I accomplished. "You don't expect me to believe I did that all on my own right," I chuckled. "But it's true, Ren. That was all you," I saw him chanting the spell with me. There was no way.

"So like are you powerful enough to chant a spell and cause no effect with the words?" Dad, a few days ago did say he was experienced so this could be a possibility. "Exactly that. You need conviction and will in your craft so what I don't want to happen won't happen," I nodded my head. In this circle I didn't feel any anxiety when it came to performing magic so did that reflect into the spell? Is that why I had a lot more control? Conviction and will, I'll remember those words. "Now I want you to do the spell again," Dad exited the square, leaving me inside it alone. I expected emotions of fear to manifest but I felt comfortable. The words for the spell were on the tip of my tongue and I couldn't wait to say them. I held Elliot's letter in my hands. He had a mailbox slot on his door. I shut my eyes once again and imagined the letter sliding through the door and landing in his mail collector. "Envia jecto," I repeated to myself twice.

"Ren open your eyes." I opened my eyes to the letter levitating in the air. A little fire of panic ignited inside of me. Why was this happening again? All I wanted to do was teleport the letter. Nothing more. The flames in the yellow candles got taller due to my state of panic. "Dad what's going on?" I didn't want to cause a fire in the house. I could feel the air passing in and out throughout my lungs. My breathing increased and so did my heart rate. "Ren, calm down. It's alright. Focus on teleporting the letter. " My eyes started to collect some water. "I-I need help Dad," I could feel the heat of the candles surrounding me. This heat with my whirlpool of emotions did not go well together. "Remember the words Ren," I looked around me. Fearing for my life. What if the force in me wanted these flames to consume me. I wouldn't be able to cause anyone harm again. What if the force in me was angry at my weakness. "Ren focus!" I closed my eyes to remember how I first felt in this square. Tranquility, peace of mind. I inhaled and exhaled. I wanted to focus and do this meticulously. "Uh- envia jecto," Elliot's mail slot pushed its way through my doubtful thoughts.

The only thing I yearned for was to teleport the damn thing. My eyes opened once more. "Envia jecto," I raised my arms slightly and curled my fingers into my palms. The letter vanished before my eyes and the flames died out too. Gosh, that was exhausting. "Wow," Dad clapped. "I've never seen power like this," he entered the square and wrapped me in his arms. That's one thing I would miss. His hugs.

A tear slowly slid down my cheek. My Father's shoulder came in contact with my face which dried off the slight dampness. "Power, more like a lack of control." He pulled away from the hug and kept his hands on my shoulder. "What you did today was impressive. I'm serious Ren. You will get a hang of it soon and when you do. I won't be afraid to say I told you so," he tapped my nose which caused a chuckle mixed with a sigh to exit my mouth. "You know I'll actually miss you Dad," I pulled him in for a second hug.

We had never really been away from each other ever. It was especially difficult after Mom's disappearance. I kind of had a fear that he might vanish too one day. I haven't even had a sleepover at other people's houses before. Whenever Elliot, Vera, and I would have sleepovers it would always be at my house. They very much understood the separation anxiety I had concerning my father. I would go out sometimes. Sometimes being a very low number. I've only been to like three parties as a Teenager. I don't know if that is a low number but I've accepted it anyway.

"Of course you're gonna miss your old man and oh I have one more thing for you." He went out of the room and returned in an instant. In his hand was a walnut-brown, medium-sized book. "This is our family Grimoire and I want you to have it," Dad held out the Grimoire for me to take but I couldn't help but feel hesitant to take it. The book emitted a large force of power that seemed way beyond my worth. "It's alright Ren. You can take it," my Father's words were enough for me to initiate courage and reach out to grab the Grimoire. The Grimoire, although not large carried an abundant force of energy that seemed to charge me. I knew exactly what this book was and I knew the contents of it. It was leather-bound and had carvings of a pentagram on its front cover. Below the pentagram was different phases of the moon. I ran my fingers across the carvings. The tips of my fingers experienced a tingling sensation.

"There are spells in there that go back generations Ren. I know it doesn't look like much but trust me. There is a lot in there. It's yours now kiddo and I want you to take good care of it," I heard every word that came out of my Father's lips but I was too engrossed in the contents of the Grimoire to verbally reply. I nodded instead. I recognized a few French words here and there but the pages of the book were filled with a language that I could not identify. "Is this Latin?" I pointed to a section in the Grimoire. "No but there is a mix of it in there," I applied my attention back to my father once again. I was about to ask him a question but he had a few of his own words to say first. "I will answer all of your questions in the car but we need to leave before you miss your flight."

"It's as if you read my mind," I grabbed my small suitcase and tote bag. I placed the Grimoire inside my tote. Dad collected all the candles and would meet me downstairs to place my luggage in the back of the car. Dad, Annalise, and I were all outside by the car. Annalise had both of her hands on her hips.. She opened up her arms to me. I accepted her request and gave in to the hug. "I'm going to miss you Ren," The hug was a little awkward and I'm sure she could feel it too but we both played along with this game of affection. "I'll miss you too Annalise," I pulled back from the hug with a small smile plastered onto my lips.

"I'll be back soon alright," Dad and Annalise shared a kiss which made me turn my head away. I got into the passenger side of the car and put my seatbelt on. They were like teenagers in love sometimes. I was happy that my father found love again but who wants to see their parent's make out?

Dad finally joined me in the car. "Are you ready to go?" I scoffed at him. "I've been ready Dad. I was just waiting for you. You know... I didn't want to rush up your make out session with Annalise," his laugh echoed in the car. I laughed with him. This was just the occasional banter I had with my Father. "Damn Ren. You would understand if you were dating someone." My eyebrows furrowed at his harsh response. He didn't have to go that far. The truth is I've been single all my life. I know it's sad. Not even in Kindergarten or Primary school did I ever date someone. Maybe I'll find someone amazing at this new school. I really hope I can. "How do you know if whether I'm single or not? I could be dating someone right now Dad and you wouldn't even know it," Dad scoffed at me while he had one hand on the wheel. What I said was the truth. I wouldn't tell him anything about my love life. "You only sent letters to Elliot and Vera. Plus, I know my daughter. You don't have that dating glow people in relationships have." My eyes widened. Did he just really say that to me? "Whatever Dad," I rolled my eyes.

I turned my head towards my window and rolled it down. I took this time in the car to gaze at the streets of San Diego one last time. I would only be back in December for the Holiday season. I also heard that Washington is a gray state. So who knew when I'd be receiving sun again. I rolled down my window. I let my lungs inhale the fresh air of San Diego. You could smell the florals and the scents of freshly cut grass, along with the small hints of salty, ocean water. The wind danced with my coily curls. This would be a perfect moment for a music video.

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