CHAPTER 17: THE PROPOSAL

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and lay down on my bed, and thought about what happened because it is impossible that it will be gone just like that. Unless it turns into a zombie but the zombie is not real or maybe he is not real; I mean there is really no dead man’s body under my bed and it is all inside my head but it is impossible because I touched it and I felt it. I really did. I open my eyes again and check the time. It is almost 10:00 a.m. and Devon will be here in a minute so I need to hurry up.

I took a bath and wore my usual clothes that I am wearing going to school. The sneakers, shirt and pants, and my backpack. I let my hair dry first before I tied it while still thinking about what happened? because I can’t really get over it. I looked at myself in the mirror after I fixed my hair and took a deep breath. I looked pale and stressed. That is why I put a little make-up on my face to cover the stress. I put red matte lipstick on too so I don't look pale.

After a moment. Nana Salve is calling me, telling me that Devon is already waiting for me. That is why I put my things inside my bag and hurriedly went out of my room.

“Bye, mom,” I said and kissed my mom on her cheek

“Take care and enjoy,” She said

“Bye, Nana,” I said to Nana Salve and kissed her on her cheek too.

“Bye, you enjoy your class,” She said and I went out and left.

Devon and I were walking to school like we always do. Walking to school and walking home together. He noticed that I am quiet because of what happened and I can’t get it out of my head. I feel like I was being played by my eyes or by my brain. I recall the whole thing that happened and I am sure that I really touched the body. I felt it with my bare hand and I am sure of it that I am not dreaming or imagining because of course, who will imagine that there’s a dead body under her bed? It’s weird and gross. 

“Are you alright?” Devon asked me when he noticed that I am still quiet and I am thinking something deep. It was the second time he asked if I was alright.

“Yes, I am fine” I lied

“Is there something bothering you?” He asked again. I just looked at him and didn’t answer.

“Here's chocolate… eat it so that you will have energy,” He said and he gave me a mini chocolate bar from his pocket.

“Thank you,” I said and I opened it and ate the chocolate. I put the wrapper inside my pocket and I will throw it later if I see a bin because I don’t want to just throw it everywhere. 

“So, are you alright now?” He asked again and that made me laugh because the sound of him is like, eating one mini bar of chocolate can set your mood right away. 

“You are so cute,” I said. 

“Oh thanks, because you are so serious,” He said and he gave me a chocolate bar again and he told me to open it. Which I want to save for later since I am not a “sweet tooth” person. Sweet food, candies, and chocolate can hurt my throat easily especially if there is no water to drink. That is why if I eat sweets I see to it that I have water to wash the sweets in my throat but this time that Devon wants me to eat another chocolate. I opened the wrapper and I was surprised because I found a note inside and it was handwritten. How did he open the wrapper and put the note inside and seal it again? I read the note and I blushed when Devon wrote:

“I love you… can you be my girlfriend?” 

I looked at him after reading it and he couldn't look at me. I know he is shy because of what he did. He is blushing. 

“And what is the meaning of this?” I asked him while showing him the note and looking at him while he can’t look at me and he can’t answer. 

“Okay, I will throw this paper away… thanks for your chocolate then,” I said. Pretending that I will throw the paper. I pretend to crumple it while looking at him because I want to see his reaction. 

“No,” He said while holding my hand and looking at me face to face. He grabs me closer to him and his face almost-kisses mine. 

“I know it’s crazy but… I want you to be my girlfriend,” He said. Now I am blushing and I feel like I want to scream but I stop myself.

 “But I am already your girl friend,” I said

“Seriously? you’re my girlfriend now?” He asked again because he couldn't believe in what I said.

“Yes, I am your girl friend… girl and friend… girl friend”  He let me go and he looked like he was dismayed by my answer and I wanted to laugh at him because he is so cute. 

“I want you to be my girlfriend… More than a friend” He said which makes me laugh now. I didn’t answer because that is what I wanted too but I am scared to be hurt. I am scared that one day he will leave me because I am not ordinary. I am weird and a loser. My glow is gone since my Jayvee died and I feel so different. I feel like I am no longer connected to the world.

We didn’t notice that we are already at the school. We walk straight to the mango tree because it is not time yet and we sit on the bench and put our bags down on the ground. I never talked since he asked me to be his girlfriend and he apologized about that because he thinks that he scared me of his question.

“No, that is fine… I… I … am just scared to commit right now… because I feel like… I feel like there’s something in me that I need to figure out first” I told him and I hope he understands. 

“Well let’s figure it out together,” He said, still pushing to be my boyfriend. I took a deep breath and looked at him. Maybe he doesn't understand that I am not the same anymore since the accident happened and I don’t want him to be part of me since I haven’t figured out what's going on with me. Our friendship is enough for me as of now.

“I love you so much and let me prove it to you to the next level”

“Devon”

“I know that you love me too” and I remain silent because he is right. He looked me in the eye and he told me to look into his eye. So that is what I do and now we were looking eye to eye. 

“Tell me that you are not in love with me while looking into my eyes and I will stop,” He said and I looked into his eyes but I can’t tell him that I don’t love him because I do love him. I looked away and avoided his eyes but he held my chin. That made my heart beat fast and he made me look at him again.

“Do it” He dared. “And I will stop,” He whispered. I feel like I want to cry while looking into his eyes because I don’t know if I will be happy that he loves me or I will be sad because he is offering it to me at the wrong time but when is the perfect time? There is no perfect time for love. It will come if it will come. 

“Once you say it… it’s done… I will stop and we will remain as friends” He said but I can’t. It’s hard and that makes me uneasy. 

“Say it” He said and now he is pressuring me.

I shook my head and told him I am sorry and I grabbed my bag because I want to go now and leave him for making me uneasy but he grabbed my hand and pulled me that made me sit again beside him, and he suddenly kissed me on my lips and wrapped his arms around me as he will never let me go whatever happens. I dropped my bag back on the ground because I was surprised by his kiss. I didn’t expect that he would kiss me torridly on my lips. I can’t refuse his kiss that is why I kissed him back unexpectedly. His soft, sweet lips tell me that everything will be fine because he is here with me now and his warm embrace tells me that I don’t need to be scared because he will protect me. The kiss that says it all and now I cannot deny that I want to be his girlfriend.

“See? you love me too,” He said. After we kiss.

“I do… but I am not yet ready,” I said and I still feel uneasy because I don’t know if I still need to stop it or just let it go. I know myself and everything that is happening to me right now. I am scared that I will hurt him in the end because I feel like I am not the same as I was before. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined. He matters to me.

“Why?” He asked,

“I am not the right girl for you” He looked at me like he was not satisfied with my answer, because he knows the truth and he can feel it.

“Because I love you so much that it makes me scared to lose you… that someday you will leave me because I am weird… I am not an ordinary person…and I don’t feel the same since the accident happened… I feel like half of me is gone… I feel like I am no longer connected to the world” I told him because I want him to understand why I don’t want to be his girlfriend but he laughed at my reason and looked at me after he laughed at what I said.

“The ‘not ordinary person’ is for the ‘not ordinary love’ and you are not going to lose me for that… because I love you accidentally, and half of me is gone because it is with you now… and I am ready to be weird with you,” He told me while looking into my eyes.

I don’t know what to say because I feel a butterfly in my stomach that makes me blush again and I can’t deny it now. 

“So… Can you be my girlfriend?” He asked me and he held my hand and looked into my eyes again. I took a deep breath and answered “Yes” 

“Yes!” He shouted in an instant that the whole campus could hear because of his joy when he heard my answer and said YES to him and now I am officially his girlfriend. He grabbed me near to him and kissed me on my lips again.

“You will never regret being my girlfriend,” He told me sincerely, which made me smile. 

I know that I love Devon and I am just denying it because I am still thinking about Jayvee and I know it would be unfair to Devon if I am still thinking of Jayvee. That is why I can’t commit to Devon but now I can’t say ‘no’ to him even though I tried to stop my feelings for him. He said he loves me so much and he is ready to be weird with me but until when? I hope he knows what he is saying because I don’t want our friendship to go to waste if he will just leave me at the end because he can’t take me anymore.

He hugged me and I hugged him back when I suddenly saw Jayvee standing behind Devon while I was hugging him. He is smiling at me. Showing me that he is happy for me now. He is still wearing the same clothes that he was wearing before the accident and it seems that it is fine with him if I will have a new boyfriend, a new love.  My tears suddenly fell from my eyes and I closed my eyes because I suddenly missed him. He is the last man that I hugged before Devon and when I opened my eyes again. He is gone.