FOUR

VERA’S POV

    “No. I wanted to teach you how painful it was when a man uses you merely for sexual pleasure, with no feelings attached. That’s what that kiss was, purely physical, zero feelings.”…

   I bit my lip at the memory of his words. I guess I deserved that. I had wanted to know what it felt like to be one of Nathan’s girls, and now I did.

Nathan had come back to check how I was doing a while later, and maybe, my senses had come back then, because I apologized for kissing him, and thanked him for taking care of me at the party.

   My heart had been thudding against my chest as I spoke, and a hidden corner buried deep in my heart had hoped our kiss would open up a conversation about feelings, that I would be bold enough to tell him about my crush on him, how afraid I had been to speak up, and maybe – just maybe, he would tell me he felt the same way. But Nathan’s eyes had become unreadable as he dropped the bombshell about our entire making out being purely physical for him. It wasn’t for me – it meant everything to me, I wanted to tell him, but I simply nodded, and we both agreed it should never happen again.

     I got up on my feet, pushing the dark musings off my mind, and went to find my best friend. Nathan was still the best friend I had, and the only other person apart from Rachel I had in the world.

    My parents had died when I was seven, or there about, I don’t remember them much, but my older brother, Jason, older than me with five years had refused to let us go into the orphanage. He had insisted we go to an old woman who lived on the other side of town, and ask her to pretend to be our granny. He had also been saving money, so that when he turned eighteen, he applied to be my legal guardian, then we both moved to Florida.

    Jason had met Nate, and they both became best of friends – something about Jason saving Nate’s life, then they both teamed up to make my life a misery, scaring away any boy that so much as looked my way.

   I had not been very angry then, because I had a mad crush on Nathan, from the first day I saw him with his jet black hair, chiseled face, full generous and yet firm lips, and midnight blue eyes. He was the stuff Disney romance movies were made up, and yet the tattoos that crisscrossed his arms gave him more of an edge than any Disney story could give him. I also noticed immediately how he much he was feared around town by grown men and boys alike, and it only made me more obsessed with him.

   I had hid my obsession with Nathan though. At first, it would have only made Jason angry, then Jason had died, and Nathan got it into his head that it was his responsibility to take care of me – I hated him for that. Why didn’t he just see me like his equal, like other girls? At least, I would have had a fighting chance, a chance to make him fall in love with me. But instead, whenever he looked at me, all he probably saw was Jason’s little thirteen year old sister – but I was not that girl anymore. I was eighteen now, I was a grown woman!

    I caught sight of the mirror on my way out of the room, and I winced. I looked like a crazy zombie. My dark hair was in disarray – and not the sexy kind of disarray like they show in the movies, it looked simply – awful. Nate’s shirt was rumpled, and my eyes made it obvious that I had been crying. My lips – my mouth was another thing I did not want to think about. I felt a hot blush creep up my cheeks as I thought about the reason for the swell in my lips – well that, at least was something.

    Nathan was no where to be found, and I didn’t want to call out to him, because my throat felt hoarse, so I just kept ambling around his mansion, looking for him.

   I heard the low baritone of his voice behind a closed door, the door leading to the kitchen, and without thinking, I pressed my head against the door.

   “That’s not a problem man. The products were stolen, but I’d find out who, or I’d replace them –” He drew on a sharp breath “Do I need to remind you who you’re talking to – no you shut the fuck up! You paid for products, and they would be delivered at the said time.”

   I heard the click of the phone, and knew the other person had hung up. Confused, I was about to open the door and ask him what all that was about. What did he mean by ‘products,’ when he picked another call. This time, it was anger, not confusion I felt as I listened to my best friend tell his junkie of a mother that he’d try to pay off yet another huge debt he had accumulated.

    When I opened the door and stepped in, Nate’s head was bent a little, and he was absently flickering his phone. He raised his head, and the dark blue eyes gave me a once over. When he spoke, his voice sounded tired. “Vera – do you want me to drop you off at your place –”

    I shook my head and stepped further into the room. Pressing myself against him, I wrapped him in a tight embrace. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

    He tried to push me away at first, but I only tightened my arms around him. “I’ve got you Nathan – I’m you’re best friend remember? And we’re each all we’ve got.” He let go then, and tears pricked my eyes as his body finally relaxed into mine.

   His voice was low, and still sounded tired. “Thank you Vee – and I’m sorry for ruining your social life – I guess you can have a boyfriend if you want – but only one?” He raised his head then to stare at me, and a bit of the old annoying Nathan was back.

    I rolled my eyes. “Yeah – since I’ve not seen one gut that’d be stupid enough to ask me to be his girlfriend, I’d just go get four –”

   A look of intimidating anger entered his eyes, and Nathan got to his feet. His hands still remained around me, making me understand the anger was not directed against me, even if it was directed at me.

    “Vee, the best decision a man – a boy, any male would ever make would be to offer you a place in his life.” His eyes searched mine, and something in his expression made me blush and look away in shyness. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and it’s not just physical beauty, your inner beauty radiates, your kindness, innocence – your sweetness. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you don’t deserve the best, because you do – damn! No man in this world is good enough for you. So stuck that into your head, and stop this self depreciating humor, it’s not funny anyways.”

    I nodded and was silent as he found his keys, then we got in his car and drove off. I don’t think I would have been able to speak even if I wanted to. My throat felt too tight with emotion, and I think my cheeks were very red. You’re the one I want Nate, I wanted to tell him, but of course, I held my tongue.

   Nate had probably chucked our kiss down as me merely experimenting what it felt like to be kissed – he said there had been no feelings attached. How would he feel if I told him I had been dreaming of that kiss since I was thirteen!

   I sighed and drew in a long breath. I could never let Nathan find out about my feelings for him. Maybe now he felt I should have a boyfriend, it was better for me to get one – at least, if I had a boyfriend, it would be more difficult for him to guess my feelings for him.

   There was also the issue of the phone call I overheard. What ‘products’ was he referring to? I couldn’t shake off the feeling there was something fishy somewhere, and I was going to get to the bottom of it.