MY BEST FRIEND DOESN'T KNOW I LOVE HIM

VERA’S POV

   “So there’s a party tonight at my place, you can come Vera…”

    I could not wipe off the huge smile that sat on my face, as I replayed Nathan’s words in my head. Nate Carter, the Nathan Carter had finally invited me to a party. Did this mean he now saw me as a grown woman, and not just the little sister of his late friend.

   I did a twirl, giggling at my own stupidity. Did this mean Nathan thought I was beautiful?

With a big smile on my face, I picked up my phone and dialed my second best friend’s number. She picked up at the first ring.

   “Do you think I’m beautiful Rachie?”

    Rachel giggled. “Well hello to you too – where is this coming from if I may ask?”

    “Just answer the question.” I demanded in mock seriousness, but I low key wanted an answer from her. I had lived in the shadows too much, I needed some reassurance to know that I belonged.

    Rachel was quiet for a little while, then when she spoke next, her voice was emotional. “Of course my kitty. You’re fucking beautiful. You’re so gorgeous that I’m jealous of you half the time, and the other half, I wonder why no man has ever kidnapped you yet to carry you to a cave all for himself –”

    I giggled. “I don’t think I’m looking to get kidnapped Rachie - where do you even get all these crazy ideas from?”

    Rachel sighed. “I’d show you yours if you show me mine – why did you suddenly need reassurance about your looks?”

    It was my turn to sigh. I didn’t tell her she had spoken the statement wrongly, instead I decided to answer her question – with at much truthfulness as I could muster. “My crush invited me to a party, so I – I guess I just want to look beautiful.”

    “Your crush – oh my word!” I could already picture her mouth forming a big ‘O’ “Vera! You didn’t tell me you were crushing on anyone, I mean I didn’t know you had any crush since Jerry in fifth grade. What’s his name, who is he? Is he in our school – does Nathan know him?”

    She said the last in a conspiratorial whisper, as if Nathan was somewhere listening in on our conversation. I sighed inwardly. What would Rachel say if I told her Nathan was the one I was crushing on, she would probably think I was mad – then she’d tell Nathan, then Nathan would literally kill me – that, or he’d stop talking to me forever, so worse case scenario. “I’d tell you all about it later, I promise.” I said quickly, and hung up before Rachel could offer to come over and help me prepare.

   My heart was pounding a bit when I put down the phone, like I had just done something wrong – and very soon I would get caught. Of course, Nathan was way out of my league. Not only was he give years older, and already done with college while I was just eighteen, and yet to graduate high school, Nate was one of the most handsome guys in the city, and he was rich.

   It was not even that his parents were rich, and he got to spend there money, no, Nathan was a millionaire in his own rights – and he didn’t have any parents – at least not that I knew of. He was his own man. I watched him sleep through more than half the girls in the city, even girls from my high school kept throwing themselves at him, fighting over him, and generally humiliating themselves. It was annoying the way Nate treated these women, like they were mere pleasure objects, to be used and dumped whenever he felt like it.

   But of course, he was different with me. He called me his little angel, his princess, and a million other endearment terms that always made his current girlfriend jealous. Nathan was my best friend, and he always treated me with a tenderness that made me blush – even though sometimes he could act like he was my annoying senior brother. The thing was, I just knew that he did not love me in the kind of way I loved him, and if I told him, he would get very angry with me, and it would destroy our friendship. I couldn’t risk that.

    My phone started ringing, snapping me out from my thoughts, and I felt my heart skip a beat as I saw his name appear on the screen.

   “Nathan.” I said without a hello immediately I picked up.

   “What’s wrong Vera – you never use my full name unless something is bothering you.”

   I bit my bottom lip. He was right. I always calked him Nate – unless I was upset. How would he feel if I told him the reason I was upset was because I was trying to hide the fact that I had a crush on him? “I’m fine,” I said instead. “It’s just – I’m a little nervous, I’ve never been to a party before.” Thankfully, that was not a lie.

   “Fu… how come? You mean non of the losers in your high school ever invited you to a party before?” He sounded angry.

   “No! Geez Nate. It was all you. You sent away all the boys that liked me, stopped me from going to the Halloween party with Carter, and later, with Hunter, and when they threw a party in our school gym, you said I couldn’t go, and threatened all the boys around and in the neighborhood till they stopped talking to me.” I did not know when the anger had crept into my voice, but it was there. Nathan had been acting too much like an overbearing big brother, he had finally killed all my chances of having a social life – so he didn’t get to just call me and act like I had any semblance of a social life.

    “I’m sorry Vee.” Nate sighed, and I felt guilty as I heard the weariness in his voice. “I just wanted to make sure I…”

    He let his voice trail off, but we both knew the words he didn’t say. ‘he just wanted to make sure he honored the dying wish of his best friend, of my brother, Jason’s dying wish. We didn’t say that name – we hadn’t said that name since my older brother, and only sibling, Jason died five years ago after fighting for his life against cancer.

   “It’s fine Nate.” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I’m not angry, I’m just nervous.”

    “It’s okay to be nervous – do you want me to come over? We could go to the party together, that way it would help take your nerves off.”

   I didn’t even try to stifle my giggles as I nodded, then shouted “Yes.”

    Nathan laughed. “Okay little kitten, better be ready in the next ten minutes – as a matter of fact, don’t get ready. I’m coming over to pick out what you’d wear. I don’t want you dressing slutty like the rest of these girls.”

   I rolled my eyes as I hung up the phone, then I rushed to my wardrobe. I was going to get ready, with the sluttiest dress I could find before Nate showed up, then I’d dare him to take the clothes off me.