04 All Too Well

And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more and I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all.

– Taylor Swift

•••

Annaliese hated it. The feeling of warmth and tenderness. The fact that the sweetest thing could turn into the most bitter one destroyed her heart. She couldn’t afford to lose anyone else again and shed tears for months over them.

There, under the shade of a big oak tree, she was sitting with her hands covering her face. No tears came out of her eyes, but she knew she felt it again. Love. She wanted to bury it as fast as possible.

“Ann, what’s wrong? You okay?” Beatrice asked in a concerned voice.

With a deep breath, Annaliese lifted her face and replied, “I have to. And I will. All I need is clear my mind now. Can I have a moment to myself? I’ll be back in a while.”

Beatrice touched her wrist. “Sure. Just let me know if you need anything,” she said, understanding what her best friend needed.

The little park was a bit deserted. No one came there but only a few passersby were seen walking on the street. One of them was walking while looking at his phone.

That was when she realized that she left her purse back in that house. There she kept one thing that mattered the most to her. Her phone. It never happened before. Wherever she was and whenever it is, it would always be in her hand. Precious moments might come without warning and she had to be ready to capture every single of them for the sake of her job. In fact, it was the only thing that could get her mind occupied and forget about love.

“What do I have to do now?” Annaliese combed her hair back with her fingers and gave it a light squeeze. “God, what are you trying to do to me? Were those three not enough to break me to pieces?”

As soon as she said that, something fell on his head and onto the ground. It was an acorn. She then took that small thing and gazed up at the leaves and branches above her.

“It’s a pretty tall tree. Shouldn’t it have hurt my head?” She looked back at the acorn and turned it clockwise while touching her head where it fell on. Suddenly, she chuckled as if realizing something. “Oh, God. Are you trying to tell me that all that I went through has made me stronger? Come on. It doesn’t mean that I would want to feel hurt again.”

Another acorn fell on her head. And then another one.

“Okay, okay. That’s enough. I understand.” Annaliese stood from where she was sitting and walked away from the shade of the tree. “Just give me strength to endure everything, God. And this time, please protect me from hurting.”

She slowly walked back to the same house where the meeting was held. It could actually take five minutes but she arrived in ten minutes instead. She needed time to appear fine again, hiding her actual feeling.

On the front porch, her best friends were seen. William was there too and he stood up as soon as he saw her back.

"Hey, I'm so sorry if I've done something bad to you. I didn't mean to," he apologized when she got there.

Annaliese shook her head. “No, it’s fine,” she said, forcing a smile. “But well, I’m feeling a little tired after walking. I’ll go back to the hotel. But you guys can stay here.” She referred to her best friends.

Beatrice gave the purse she had kept while Annaliese was gone back to her.

“Thanks. Have fun.” Without waiting for their response, Annaliese turned around and left. Seeing William made her heart pound fast. ‘Don’t go crazy. Come on, Anna. Pull yourself together.’

She walked as fast as possible, away from William. The guy was different. Never in the last three years was she feeling this way again toward any men. As a matter of fact, the naiveness that used to drive her to easily fall in love had vanished. No handsome, rich, or cool man could do what he had just done to her.

Her phone rang when she was about to cross the intersection. She stopped to see who was calling. It was her dad, Facetiming her. She quickly changed her mood.

With a cheerful tone and a bright smile, she answered, “Hi, Dad! What’s up? Why are you calling this late?” She knew it was past midnight in Indonesia.

“Do I need a reason to call my daughter?” From the other end, Jack started with a joke. He chuckled and continued, “I just woke up and didn’t know what to do. So I decided to give you a call.”

Annaliese knew what caused it. This wasn’t the first time that her dad experienced it. “Did you drink a cup of coffee before going to bed?” she made a guess. 

“Oopsies.” Jack made a funny face. “I had a high school reunion and they served only coffee and beer. You know your mom would turn into Mrs. Hulk if I smell like alcohol, right? So coffee was the only option.”

She clicked her tongue. “You could’ve just asked for just water, Dad. It’s you who wanted coffee,” she argued his statement but ended it with a chortle.

But that was when Jack immediately furrowed his brow and tilted his head. He said, “Are you okay?”

Annaliese knew it was time for her to finish the call. Her dad figured it out too quickly. He could be like a psychic somehow because of their closeness. “What are you talking about? I’m good and happy!” she denied.

“Nah. I could sense something is off.”

“Uh, hey, Dad. I’m actually on my way back to the hotel.” She showed her surroundings for a few seconds. “You see? I’m gonna call you again later, okay? You definitely don’t want to lose your daughter in a crash, do you?” She tried to pull a joke to cover her fidgetiness.

“Okay. Just call me when you need someone to talk to. I’ll answer your call, no matter when and where.”

“I know, Dad. I know you will. Now go to bed. Try your best.”

“Take care, sweetheart.”

“You too.”

As soon as the call ended, Annaliese continued walking with her phone still in her hand. Unfortunately, she forgot to look to the right or left. A loud horn then suddenly surprised her from the left. That was when she fell and then was rolling on the ground…

in someone’s arms. A guy she was avoiding.

“Are you okay?” William looked so worried. One of his hands supported Annaliese’s head, preventing it from hitting the road.

At first, Annaliese was shocked. But as soon as she came to her senses, she realized that their faces were too close to each other. She then swiftly moved away from William. “I’m okay,” she replied, looking around.

Nobody else was there. The car that caused the accident wasn’t seen anywhere. After all, it was Annaliese’s fault so she had no right to be mad about what happened.

“Oh, but you…”

Fresh blood seeped out through the elbow of William’s shirt. He checked where Annaliese was pointing at.  “I’m fine. Don’t worry,” he convinced her.

“No, you’re not.” She could see how he tried to hide the pain. “Let’s clean your blood. My hotel is nearby.” She stood up and stretched out her hand to him.

William took her hand and got some support to get back to his feet. Apparently, one of his ankles was injured too.

“Can you walk?” asked Annaliese, feeling awful about what she had caused.

“Uh, I’m not sure. But I’ll try.” Nevertheless, the first step he took only caused him more pain. He let out a muffled groan. “Turns out I can’t. I think I need help just to walk.”

Like it or not, Annaliese was the only one who could help William. She positioned herself next to him and let one of his arms rest around her shoulder. “Let’s sit somewhere near first,” she suggested.

He agreed and started walking with a slight limp toward the nearest wooden chair, supported by her.

Annaliese helped him sit there comfortably before she positioned herself next to him too. She called Beatrice and asked her best friends to come immediately.

To avoid awkwardness between them, she weakly remarked, “Thank you, William,” to initiate a conversation. “And I’m so sorry to make you like this.”

William turned to her and simpered. “It’s alright. In fact, I’m glad you’re okay. It was a big truck, you know,” he said. “What happened though?”

“Nothing. I was just careless. That’s all.” Annaliese didn’t want to go into details.

William inhaled deeply and released his breath slowly. “I’m sorry, Anna. I know I must’ve done you wrong, but unfortunately, I don’t know what, ” he brought up the topic. “So if you don’t mind, please tell me what I should do about it”

Annaliese reached her neck with her left hand and then tilted her head a little. “No, nothing was wrong with you. It was me and things in the past,” she returned his apology.

There was no reply given. William pursed his lips while thinking about how to respond.

“They said, ‘time would heal’, but after all these years, everything remains the same. So, I guess this common expression is wrong. Or at least, not working for me,” she continued, unwittingly getting carried away in feelings.

“Maybe … ‘time’ is just like a car. Someone should drive it to make it move. So. it’s your response and attitude toward the pain that would heal.” William looked her in the eye, deeply enough to be able to make her look away.

This time, it was Annaliese who decided to not give a reply. She thought about what he just said. It made sense to her now. All this time she was only pretending to be happy and busy. She might have let go of those guys, but seemingly not the pain they caused her.

“Oh goodness!” That was Beatrice’s shrieking voice. She approached them with Gerard trailing after her. “What happened? Are you guys okay?”

“I’m fine, but he’s not.” Annaliese pointed at William with her thumb. “Let’s take him to the nearest clinic. I’ll tell you what happened later.”

As requested, Gerard helped William to get to his feet and walk into the car. Annaliese replaced him to drive in exchange. She knew the place better after all.