I wanted to punished him with my own hands.
I could be Princess Anipe who killed her abusive and adulterous husband by drowning him on the Nile river in his sleep. But I could not do it. First, the knights were probably guarding him, and second, because the river-lake was miles from the convent. I could not carry him on my own.
I could be Gloria who faked his rapist husband’s death only to cage him on their house basement until he rotted. But there was no basement in the convent, only the hidden room in the library that was now known. And if I would be using any of the other rooms in the convent, the walls were not thick enough to subdue his scream at night.
Or if I could not be the two, I could be court maid Gyung Hui of the Yi Dynasty, who put poisoned on her lips before kissing the prince who played her expecting heart. But I did not know any poisons in the herbarium, and I
It only took two days to heal me. And in that two days I already constructed the piece that would make a better narrative for Tina. She was deluded by him. She was used by him. She was abused by him. She was stained by him. She was controlled by him. And then she was disposed by him. I memorized every word, putting all the blame to Philip. He was the puppet master in the first place. It was his hands that controlled the threads, and she was only a shell in his dirty game that he played. It was my redemption. I did not have the chance to save her before, so despite what she had done and despite the disdain of my sister, I would still help her. And then we would be done. “He is waiting for you at the staircase.” Abigail informed me with a straight face and a monotone sound.
Sister Ana was summoned first. It had been hours since she entered the holy hall that was now converted as courtroom, and it had been the same time since we were instructed to stay at the mess hall. I was both a victim and a witness, but it felt like I was the person in trial for there were pins and needles resting on my feet as I waited for my turn. “What is taking them so long?” Sister Katarina asked. She was on the edge of her seat, and her hands were pressing on each other. “Do you think they will cross-question us like that?” “Nope. I don’t think so.” I answered her. Relief washed over her face, and it vanished into thin air as I said, “I think we will have a longer time than her.” “And why is that?” “
I underestimated the knights. I had no idea that they would use Tina against herself, and they did it when she was nothing but vulnerable. This was part of their playbook. It had been strategically planned since the day they had known about her, and their goal was to drag her down with Philip. And if that would happen, the blame would be split into two, to one of the knights, and to one of the sisters. Tina was dragging her body, and her chained hands were slightly shaking as she walked to my side. When she arrived, her hand tried to covertly reach out to mine, but before I could hold it, she was pulled away from me. The leading knight spoke again, “Sister Mathilda, your words are trying to protect her, convincing us that she was controlled and forced to hurt you and Sister Katarina, but Philip was convinced that she was doing it
Everyone started leaving the holy hall. And when the door creaked for the last time, my adrenaline ended serving, making both of my legs gave out on their own. I sprawled on the floor, and I felt that may hands were colder than it. Earlier, I held out my breath as we waited for the father of the knights to dismissed the trial. Mother Renata could not, for it was not her place. And then the father stood from his seat, and walked out without saying a word. I breathed with ease as the upper knights followed him out. I thought every knight did, but Gabriel apparently stayed. “You really gave them hell.” He said to me out loud. He then walked to the front of the bench which was the opposite end of where he stood. As he reached me, instead of extending his arm to pull me up which I had expected, he only joined me on the flo
“Tilly, wake up. You should see this.” someone softly said as she shook me from my sleep. But I silenced her voice in my mind, “Leave me alone, I am still sleeping. You should bother someone else, sister.” I said without knowing who I was speaking to, and then I hid myself under my blanket. “It is Philip.” She said louder, and it finally woke me up. I pushed myself up hastily that I felt the room jolted back and forth for a few seconds, then I turned to her, “What happened to him?” I asked. “You should see it yourself.” Fatma said. I tended to myself faster that I could. I even almost forget to hid my hair under a wimple, good thing Fatma stayed with me as I prepared. When I finished, I pulled Fatma with me to the stairs. And the other
Philip stayed on the slanted cross for two consecutive days now. And in every morning, there were new wounds overlapping the older ones that he was now soaked from his own blood. The knights did not even consider tending to it, or at least cleaning it to avoid contamination. They should have done it as a note that they are forgiving. But they were not. I knew it was a punishment for his crime, but the knights were not saints. Fortunately, a few of them were aware of it. They gave Philip a humane hand, they feed him the second time the bell would rung, and they gave him water every time he would cough. There was even an older sister who covered him in blanket, but it was covertly took off. Apparently, the many slashes on his body should be exposed to see by the eyes of the knights. It was a warning to them, and it was disturbing that they were making use of his pain to educate the
The moment I left the stable, I was greeted by Mother Renata. “Sister Mathilda, I have been looking for you.” She announced as she closed the distance between us. “You did not take your meal in the mess hall so…” Without thinking, I cut her words, “Is there something that you wanted me to do, mother?” I quickly asked. I was convincing myself to simmer down, but it seemed that she noticed the hint of anxiousness before I could hide it. “What are you doing there, Mathilda?” She asked, peaking inside the stable. “My horse had managed to escape, so I brought him back, mother.” I answered politely. But it did not feed her curiosity, and she then entered the stable. I could feel my heart throbbing out my chest w
No one new that Tina had left. No, no one new that she was forced to go. It was as if she did not exist in the convent. All of the sisters continued with their chore duties, and knights kept walking on the halls, even the people who had sentenced her were blind with her absence. But every time I would enter the library, it felt empty. I wished I could tell everyone about her. I wanted to disrupt the daily homily, jumped in front of hall and forcedly inform them about Tina. That she was the girl in the library, and probably, the same girl who looked at them with disgust as they walked on the corridors. I could also do it during meals at the mess hall, or anywhere with sisters to enlighten, but I did not think that the council would allow me. Guilt should pang them, but their skins were too thick to infringe on. They did not care about her for she was just one of the many pawns in the conve