The Tutor (4)

The next day Luke was waiting for Shana in the park for the class, his headphones drowning out the sound of the street while his mind wandered between different ideas. The conversation with Shana the night before had puzzled him, and now he was trying to understand what her intentions were.

Her mind constantly wandered, trying to find a pattern a reason for the way she acted, and as he did that, the music on his headphones kept talking about her. Each song, each letter, each melody, without a doubt, brought it to his mind, and the images of his memory disturbed his thoughts.

If only she gave me a chance, he would repeat himself over and over again, trying to find a way to reach the heart of the woman who was the queen of his thoughts. Each song changed his perspective, and the torture was such that he couldn’t stop for a minute to consider absurd possibilities about the way she treated him.

He thought, ‘And if she likes me?’  

But at that moment, all the reasons why that idea was impossible came to him at once, attacking his self-esteem and his self-preservation instinct to protect him from an imminent disappointment.

“Stop the nonsense!” He said to himself, leaning back on the bench where he was and looking at the sky.

The blue of the sky was interrupted by Shana’s eyes that looked at him from above. He was exalted from her and moving abruptly he saw her nervously as he took off his headphones and the girl told him.

“What nonsense?” She asked curiously, and, not knowing what to say, he shook his head slowly.

What he could tell, his whole mind was full of absurd nonsense that depicted an impossible relationship between a stunning woman and him. Just thinking of both of them in that way was absurd. There was no way that something like this would happen, and even with that idea in mind, Shana smiled at him.

Luke decided to ignore Shana and to take the books out. He said, “It is better to start studying.”

But she was holding her smile firmly before she said, “Sure, but first tell me what nonsense?”

Luke’s heart began to beat with overwhelming force, he wanted to tell her what he was thinking, but he was terrified that by letting her see his intentions, she would run away. Not only run away, but she would also humiliate him and let him see that those fantasies he had were nothing more than silly stuff.

‘But what if it is not?’He asked himself. What if by telling her the truth, she reciprocated? She was looking at him. She was wearing jean shorts and a plaid shirt, a light outfit for hot weather that showed just enough skin to drive Luke’s senses crazy.

‘At some point, I should have balls.’ He told himself, Luke, again trying to grasp the courage to tell Shana what he felt. She was looking at him curiously like she was waiting for a confession of some kind.

His hands were sweating, and his heart was pounding. For some reason, the shower the day before came to his mind, and the image of Shana bathing was terrible, and he shook his head to remove that thought from her. Shana was looking at him curiously, and with some impatience, she said, “So, professor?” Her smile remained, and her eyes invited him to confess.

The deep breath and when he was about to speak in the distance was heard.

“He Shana!” A stocky man jogged up to them, wearing white shorts and hugging Shana instantly with his bare chest. The combination of jealousy and disappointment in Luke’s heart was so great that his mood was not even darkened. 

Instead of being a display of sadness in his mind, a feeling of conformism was planted that he repeated over and over again that she would never be for him.

Look at it and look deluded. You don’t have a chance. And with those words, he sat down so as not to attract attention. 

The hug of the boy and Shana lasted longer than he thought, and when they separated, the man said, “What are you doing here?” His words were clear and firm, with a display of confidence that Luke couldn’t have. “Do you want to go get something to eat?”

‘Yeah, don’t bother to consider me!’ Luke said in his thoughts. His bitterness grew slowly, but he couldn’t blame anyone for being ignored when he shrugged. 

At that moment, Shana shook her head and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t.” And she kindly pointed to Luke and said, “I’m in class.”

The boy’s eyes fell on Luke, and with a look of understanding, he said restrain himself.

“That explains everything. He’s your teacher. I was wondering what you were doing with him?”

His comment was cruel, but despite everything, Shana smiled, and they both shared the joke, Luke just looked at the floor, and in his mind, a thought bounced.

‘Of course, Luke, she will be with you!’ He thought, assuring himself that somehow made him feel bad.

It was hard not to be pessimistic at that moment, and looking at Shana, she smiled in his direction. Luke sighed without even being able to enjoy the smile that Shana gave him. He kept concentrating on the books wishing hard for that conversation to end when he heard the guy say.

“Friday night! You come there is a party at Angela´s!” Luke thought the conversation would never end, but he never anticipates what was to come. “Maybe you and the teacher would like to come.”

Luke looked at him, surprised, and the boy calmly nodding looked at him with a smile difficult to interpret. Shana nodded excitedly and, looking at Luke, said, “Do you want to go, teacher?” But Luke calmly watched her feeling a strong doubt in her chest.

There are people who take consideration very far. He thought before she nodded, he imagined that by the time Friday arrived, she would forget about the party, but he didn’t count on Shana being more insistent than many other people.

The boy left, sharing another long hug with Shana, only for her to sit down and start studying. Luke wasn’t excited this time. He was just shocked by how the world had put him back in his place.