Chapter One

And here I am...

31 years old and still single...

Gemma was thinking about her life and what she had achieved so far. She had her dream job, made some good money, had a motorcycle, a nice house, but all this did not seem to matter anymore as the urge and longing to be a mother just got stronger.

She had always told herself that when she turned 31 and was not married, or anything close to being married, that she would investigate the option of visiting a fertility clinic. That day has come... Gemma had an appointment later that afternoon to go and look at some options for sperm donations. Her best friend Nicky assured her that she would be by her side every step of the way. This was a very big decision for Gemma, and she knew that raising a child on her own wouldn't always be easy, but her life felt empty. There was a hole that only a baby could fill. 

"Are you ready?" asked Nicky pulling Gemma from her deep thoughts while she browsed through a magazine. 

"Yes, I know this is a big step, but this is what I want, what I NEED." replied Gemma. So many things were racing through her mind.

"As long as you know I will be by your side every step of the way." Nicky reassured her while squeezing her hand. Calming Gemma's nerves. 

"Gemma Leroy" called the receptionist and her stomach turned. She smiled at Gemma and that made her feel better and look forward to the appointment. As she walked into the Doctor's office there was a wall full of baby pictures and that made her feel a deep longing and that she knew she was doing the right thing.

"So, Gemma, have you had a chance to look through our catalogue of which features you are looking? And which donors are available and who you might be in interested in? And have you made 100% sure that is the one you would like to use?" 

Gemma's first thought was that the doctor made everything sound so easy, as if this would not change her life forever...  Almost like it was second nature, choosing how you would like your child to look, as if she was picking a ice cream flavour! Imagine that, and Gemma got a smile on her face. 

"Yes, Doctor. It took me a while and I had to make sure that his looks will compliment mine. It was not an easy decision, but I made double sure, and I have made my choice of which donor I would like to use for the sperm donation, thanks. There was this one picture that stood out a lot from the other ones. So yes, I am sure, thank you" 

Gemma thought of the face that she would never be able to forget. Dark hair, deep blue eyes that seemed to be able to look straight into your soul. Straight chin with high cheekbones. Features that she could only hope her baby would have. It was like that face was imprinted in her mind and since she made her decision, it was like she could not get that face out of her mind. They made an appointment for the next day for the procedure to take place. It was three days before her 31st birthday and Gemma knew that she was ready for the next chapter in her life...

She and the Doctor talked a bit more about how the procedure will work and what Gemma could expect. She felt very uncomfortable knowing that this Doctor will be invading her privacy, but that was something that she was willing to so. Being pregnant would mean that there was a lot of things that she is going to have to get used to. Gemma was a very private person in general and even in the bedroom, she was very private. Even with the men she has had, some of them being very open with their sexual side and needs, but not Gemma.

But she would do anything to fill this void she has inside of her...

Gemma took a few days off work to make sure that she had enough rest before the big day. The night before, sleep did not come easily. Gemma was like a child before Christmas. Her excitement grew by the minute. She even made sure that she eats healthy she has done so much research, what to eat, what not to eat. Even what to drink! She loved her coffee, but that was just another sacrifice she was willing to make. Gemma lay in bed that night and so many thoughts ran through her mind. She has come so far in life, and was Blessed and grateful for eveything! A tiny bit of doubt crept in, letting her think again, was she really doing the right thing...? She knew financially she was more than ready, but how would that child grow up with only a mother? Would there be questions at his or hers school? She knew that one day there will be a question 'where is my daddy' But she took a deep breath knew she will have enough love for that baby, she will cross those bridges when she gets there. She knew she can do anything when she puts her mind to it! And after her own little pep talk with herself, she felt very excited again!

The next day, as Gemma woke up, it was raining and cold outside. She could hear the wind howling and the rain coming down hard, but nothing could spoil her mood or change the big smile she had on her face. She sat up in bed and pulled her knees up, resting her chin on them. She had a almost dreamy look on her face. Her whole life was about to change and she would not want it any other way! 

TODAY IS THE DAY! Gemma took a steamy hot shower and walked to her wardrobe. What would she wear today? It had to be something she was comfortable in and felt good in! She decided on a pair of black tights, a soft pink long top that came to just above her knees and her favourite flat  knee high boots. She went downstairs, made herself a quick tea, and met her best friend outside her house.

"Morning!" Gemma said with a very cheery voice a she walked towards Nicky. 

"Morning, someone took her happy pills this morning" Nicky said jokingly as she opened the car door for her best friend and shoved her inside. 

"Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can change my mood today. I have a good feeling about this Nicky! This is the day my whole life is going to change." 

Nicky walked around the car and got in behind the wheel. 

They drove to the fertility clinic making small talk. Nicky had been her best friend and a work colleague for the past 4 years. They had met at work and had become best friends almost instantly. They had been through so much together and it all just made their friendship stronger. Some days Gemma did not know what she would have done without her dear friend. And here she was, once again, smiling at Gemma and making her feel that everything would be alright.

As they got closer the the fertiliy clinic, Gemma became more silent. 

"Gemma, you ok?" Nicky asked as she pulled into a parking. 

"Am I doing the right thing Nicky? It all seems so real now. I know I want this baby more than anything in this world, but what if I am a bad mother, or things get too much me being a single parent." Gemma looked the outside at the building and all of a sudden she felt nervous. 

"Hey, hey! Look at me." Nicky turned in her seat and touch Gemma to get her attention. 

"You are one of the most honest, loving, caring people that I know. You are headstrong and when you put your mind to something, you make it happen, does not matter what. So I believe, you will make this work, no matter what! And remember, I am here, I made you a promise when you decided to take this step, that I will be there, helping with anything and everything I will help raise this baby and eveything will be fine, I promise!" Gemma took both her hands and gave it a reasuring squeeze. 

"Thank you my friend, for everything and almost make me feel better. Ok, so let's go do this!" Gemma felt a new wave of excitement and knew she was ready. 

Gemma was first in line that morning and not before long her name was called. A nurse came to fetch her and lead her to a room at the back. As Gemma went inside she felt a cold shiver run down her spine as she hates hospitals. And this room reminded her so much of one... She was instantly reminded that she almost died as a very young girl by the hands of a doctor that made a mistake when he removed her appendix. She shrugged the feeling of and went to put on the robe that the nurse gave her. 

As Gemma laid on the table waiting for the nurses and doctor to come, she thought how it would be holding that baby for the first time. She had so many emotions and almost felt like crying. The door went open and it pulled her thoughts right back to the present. 

"Good morning miss Leroy, and how are you this rainy morning?"

"All good thank you" Gemma looked around as the nurses became busy and things started to happen. 

"And the nerves?" The doctor asked with a smile on his face. 

"They all good, trying to keep them intact" Gemma said with a nervous smile. 

"Ok, the nurses are going to get eveything ready now. I will insert the sperm, you are familiar with the procedure and before you know it, all will be over." The doctor gave Gemma's leg a reasuring squeeze. 

And then it was over... Gemma had to lay for about half an hour for the sperm to get a chance to be most effective. Gemma even squeezed her legs together, trying everything in her power and praying that this will be succesful. She even had the thought of laying with her legs in the air! After the 30 minutes, Gemma got up and got dressed, still squeezing her legs together. She decided to relax now, and leave it to fate. What it meant to be, will be... 

She went outside to where Nicky was waiting for her. 

"And, you ok?" Nicky stood up as soon as she saw Gemma. 

"Yes, all is fine, thanks. Thanks again for being here Nicky." Gemma felt the urge to hug her best friend.

"Anytime, anytime. You ready to go?" 

"I just need to make a follow up appointment and then we can go." Gemma had a follow up appointment in five weeks to see if the artificial insemination was a success. 

Sperm was implanted and now it was a waiting game. For the next few days Gemma would need to take it easy and put her feet up. She had a follow up appointment scheduled in a few weeks’ time and she would need to keep busy as it would feel like an eternity and those few weeks will most probably drag by...

5 weeks later...

Gemma was back at the fertility clinic to have her follow up appointment. Nikcy was there again and kept her promise. Even the last five weeks she has been very caring and making sure Gemma was ok. Gemma was nervous and excited all at the same time! Today she will know if she will be a Mommy! To have a dream come true... 

Her name was called and she went to the consulting room. The doctor was just as friendly as always and made some small talk. 

"Good day Gemma, how are you today?" The Doctor always seemed so friendly.

"I am good, thank you, Doctor and, how are you?"

"Good, good, you can take a seat on that chair and take off your skirt so long. I will be with you shortly." 

Gemma thought about how much she hated internal scans. But if this was what she needed to go through to be able to be a Mommy, then she would do it all over again, in a heartbeat.

"Ok, so let's have a look and see." The Doctor said with a smile on his face. He got ready for the scan and Gemma to a deep breath. 

And there it was, the most beautiful sound in the world! It brought instant tears to her eyes. And she knew that very moment that she already loved this baby with all her heart and would be the best Mommy she could possibly be! 

"Gemma, it is safe to say that the procedure was successful and that you are going to have a baby." 

That was the best news Gemma had had in a very long time!

"Thank you doctor, thank you!!" Gemma could not keep the huge grin of her face and she felt like doing a happy dance!

As she came out of the Doctor's office, Nicky could see on her face that everything had gone very well! 

"Thank you for always being there for me, Nicky! You are a one in a million friend!", Gemma said, hugging her friend tightly.

"I know." Nicky said, smiling, as they walked to the car. 

"So, when do we start baby shopping?" Nicky asked rubbing her hands together and having a naughty grin on her face. That was something Nicky could do very well, spend money! They both laughed as they walked to the car. 

9 Months later...

As Gemma woke up the morning, she had some strange pains. She immediately phoned Nicky and went to stand in the shower. The pains intensified as the water ran down her body. Gemma was 39 weeks pregnant and already very uncomfortable. She was unsure of what kind of pains these could be, were they Braxton Hicks contractions that she had read about? Could the baby be coming, Gemma thought to herself as she soaked up the warmth of the hot water. She got out of the shower and got dressed in something very comfortable. Gemma went to the kitchen and made herself some tea and waited for Nicky to arrive.

Gemma decided to phone the hospital as well and find out just in case.

"Maternity ward, good day." answered a nurse.

"Good day, this is Gemma. I started to get cramps and pains this morning. How would I know if they are Braxton Hicks or whether I am actually going into labour?" Gemma sounded worried as the pains got stronger. Oh, where was Nicky??

"What time did the pains start, Ma’am?"

"About two hours ago."

"Can you time the contractions, Ma’am? Are they every few minutes?"

Contractions?? Was this really happening?? Gemma started freaking out a bit. She tried to prepare herself mentally, but nothing could prepare her for these kinds of pains. There was a knock at the door and Gemma knew it was Nicky. She rushed to open it and another contraction came. Nicky looked worried when she saw Gemma's eyes and immediately new something was wrong.

"Ma’am, are you still there?" The nurse spoke again, and Gemma handed the phone to Nicky.

"Hi there, it's Nicky. Gemma cannot really talk right now. She seems to be in a lot of pain."

"Hi Nicky, can you please see if you can time the contractions?"

"Yes, sure" Nicky looked worried and was making breathing sounds without her realising what she was doing.

Gemma could not help but smile through gritted teeth as the next painful contraction made its arrival.

"They are about 5 minutes apart" Gemma told Nicky as she walked over to the couch to sit down.

"They are about 5 minutes apart." Nicky told the nurse as she looked over at Gemma.

"I think you need to get Gemma to the hospital as soon as possible, Ma’am." The nurse sounded almost a bit worried.

"Gemma, are your and the baby's overnight bags packed? We need to go!" Nicky suddenly darted around the room in a panicked rush but did not know what to grab or where anything was!

"Bags are in the spare bedroom, all ready." Gemma replied as she tried to stand up.

"The baby is coming; the baby is coming!" Nicky rushed to the spare bedroom to fetch the bags and went over to help Gemma up.

"We need to go, NOW!" Gemma spoke as another contraction came.

Gemma and Nicky got into the car and rushed to the hospital. Nicky parked in front of the emergency entrance and helped Gemma out. As they came to the entrance a nurse immediately took Gemma to the maternity ward.

"Please come with me, Nicky!" Gemma did not want to let go of Nicky's hand.

"I am not going anywhere, I'm right beside you" Nicky reassured Gemma with a big smile on her face. "What are best friends for?!"

It was not very long when the nurse came to check on Gemma and immediately took her straight to the theatre.

"Please put these on and climb on the bed, I will be back shortly to see how far you are dilated." And with that the nurse left the room.

"Are you ok?" A very concerned Nicky asked as she looked at her best friend.

"It's very painful, please don't go anywhere!" Gemma bit down hard on her teeth as another contraction washed over her.

The nurse came back and did her checks. It was very uncomfortable, and Gemma was relieved when it was over.

"You are already six centimetres dilated, Ma’am. I will get a hold of your doctor and the anaesthetist as soon as possible. Hang in there." The nurse smiled and patted her leg.

"Please hurry up, I want my epidural as soon as possible, please!" Gemma begged the nurse with a faint smile. Please hurry up... Gemma begged silently.

Gemma grabbed the bed sides as the contractions got more intense and painful. She just prayed that there would be no complications with the birth and that the baby would be fine.

"Why did I think I could do this on my own, Nicky?! Why didn’t you try harder to talk me out of it, OUCH!" Gemma almost cried out as another contraction came. It was not long, and the anaesthetist arrived, and the epidural was inserted. Gemma started relaxing as the pain became more bearable. The Doctor arrived shortly after the anaesthetist left.

"And how are you feeling today, Gemma?" The Doctor asked in a cheerful voice.

"As good as I can, Doc, but I really wish the birth were over. No one ever told me it could be this painful." Gemma said with a faint smile.

"Let me see how far you are." as the Doctor examined her.

"Ok good, you are fully dilated, and it won't be long now. Push when I say push. Push as hard as you can, Gemma."

"PUSH"

"Aaahhhh!" Gemma could not help screaming.

"Ok, take it easy Gemma, have sip of water and then give another big push."

Nicky gave Gemma a sip of water and put the glass down again. Nicky stood next to Gemma and was breathing with her.

"PUSH!"

Gemma push as hard as she could and gave it her all.

"Good, good! The baby is coming!" the nurse said in-between, as Gemma gave another big push.

"It's a girl!" the Doctor said, beaming.

"A healthy baby girl" the nurse smiled and told Gemma how well she had done during the birth.

And there it was... The most beautiful sound Gemma had ever heard! Her baby cried and she knew everything would be alright. She already loved that little girl with everything in her and knew she would give her all. Gemma made a silent promise to herself that she would be the best Mommy that she could possibly be and protect her little one with everything that she had.

"Meet your daughter, Gemma." the Doctor said as he placed her baby gently on her chest.

And Gemma could not help but cry as she held her beautiful, precious baby girl.