76

EZRA

The beeping is steady now.

Not strong. Not loud. But steady.

I sit a few meters from her bedside, eyes locked on the small rise and fall of her chest under the hospital blanket. Her heartbeat hums in my ears, soft but alive, not as strong as I want it to be, but It’s the only thing keeping me sane.

She hasn’t woken up yet.

The blood transfusion is slow, drip by drip, her skin still too pale. But better than before. Breathing. Fighting.

I glance down at my watch. A few hours till closing at Harrington & Vale.

I should be there.

I still have piles of work to do.

But how the hell can I think about work when she’s still lying here because of me?

My hand runs over my face. I lean forward, elbows on my knees, staring at her like she might vanish if I look away.

And then… my mind drifts.

To her smile. To her voice when she laughs. To how warm she felt in my arms—until she wasn’t.

Then it hits me.

Finn.

Thea was supposed to pick up her son from school today..

My eyes fly back to the clock. Shit.

I stand quickly, my chair scraping back, my pulse spiking.

She didn’t just trust me with herself. She trusted me enough to feel safe collapsing into me. But Finn? He’s her whole world. And I’ve thrown that world off balance.

This is definitely what she meant when she said she doesn't get to decide for herself without putting Finn into consideration.

I cuss under my breath. Hard.

“Goddamn it.”

I check my phone, my eyes darting to her purse. I march there and check her phone.

No missed call. No texts.

Which means the boy is probably still at school. Waiting.

Waiting for a mother who won’t show up.

Because I drained her dry.

No. I’m not letting this spiral. I’ve already done enough damage. Picking up Finn—it’s the least I can do.

The only thing I can do right now.

I glance back at Thea, still motionless, her hand hooked up to the IV line.

“I’ll be back,” I whisper as I pick her home key from her purse, inhaling deeply, ears perked up, waiting for signs similar to the one the council did to Malik when Hailey was weak.

Then I turn and walk out of the ward, determined to go as fast as possible so I would be back to keep an eye on her.

A few minutes later, I park outside the school gate, engine still running.

Tiny humans run around in bright shirts, their backpacks bouncing. Parents wave, smile, crouch to hug them.

My hands tighten on the wheel.

Then I see him.

Finn.

He walks out slowly with one of the staff, his little backpack which even with how little it is looks big for his frame barely holding to one shoulder. His eyes scan the car line—searching.

He spots my car and I wave before his eyes land on me.

He stops.

His small face scrunches up with confusion as his steps slow.

I get out of the car.

He doesn’t move as the staff which I thought was with him whisk past us.

He just stares, nose scrunched.

“Hey, Finn,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm. “Come on, bud.”

He frowns as he takes slow steps toward me. “Where’s Mommy?”

I open my mouth. Nothing comes out for a second.

The truth is a noose.

I can’t tell him what I did. What almost happened.

How will it sound if I tell him I sucked his mom dry and she's at the hospital?

“She—she’s busy,” I say finally. “At work.”

He blinks up at me, pouting his lips. “She always comes. Mommy says she's never too busy to come pick me.”

“I know.” My throat feels dry. “She couldn’t today. She asked me to pick you up.”

His little hands tighten around the straps of his bag, his expression unsure. “She… she  forgot?”

“No.” I say instantly, crouching to his level. “She didn’t forget. I promise.”

He stares at me for a second longer, then gives a small nod. Not convinced, but not arguing either.

I take his bag gently as he follows me to the car.

The silence in the car is louder than any music I could play.

When we reach Thea’s place, he kicks off his shoes and goes straight to his room not saying a word.

Is he always this silent?

My eyes dart to the couch where I'd taken her on and I sigh. I look around her living room, my eyes latching on the baby blue book shelf filled with books.

It was not there before.

I sit on the edge of the couch, unsure what to do with myself. I almost feel like I don't belong here. Not with her. Not with him.

He comes back out exactly ten minutes later in a soft yellow shirt, short, and mismatched socks. His short looks misworn— the front to the back and vice versa. He doesn’t look at me. Just sits on the carpet near the coffee table and starts messing with a toy car.

I lean forward, elbows on my knees.

I clear my throat. “Do… do you want something to eat?”

“No. Mrs Patel and mommy said not to collect things from strangers.”

A smile threatens to break free. “You sure? I'm mommy's friend.”

He nods.

More silence.

His eyes flick up at me. “You work at mommy's place right?”

I nod. “Yes.”

He picks at the wheel of the toy. “Did you guys become friends at work? Mommy doesn't have any friend except aunty Lyra but she suddenly said you were her friend.”

Lyra?

I open my mouth, but I don’t know what to say anymore.

“I care about her just like… aunty Lyra.” I say instead.

He nods slowly, then whispers, “I want to see her.”

My chest tightens.

I look at the time. It’s late evening now. 

I can't keep waiting here.

I sigh. “Okay,” I say quietly. “Let’s go.”

His eyes light up as the toy drops against the carpeted floor. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

He stands and rushes to put his shoes back on. “Is she okay?”

I pause by the door as I glance back at him.

“She will be,” I say softly.

He nods, grinning, openly believing me.

He shouldn't.

But he does.

And that’s the worst part.

When he's done, we walk to the car, hand in hand, and I strap him into the passenger's side.

A few minutes later, we walk into the room, Finn’s small hand is in mine.

Thea’s still in the hospital bed. Pale. Eyes closed. The machines beep softly beside her. Her arm is strapped up, the tube still feeding her the blood I took.

Finn freezes.

“Mommy?” He calls in disbelief, voice tiny.

He runs to her bedside.

“Mommy?” he says again, louder now. He shakes her arm gently. I almost told him not to . “Mommy, wake up.”

She doesn’t move.

“Why is she sleeping like that?” He asks, wild eyes darting to me.“Why is she not waking up?”

I walk over, but it’s too late.

Tears spill from his eyes as he starts crying—loud, broken sobs that make my chest burn.

“She’s going to die!” he screams, his little hands grabbing at her blanket. “She’s going to die! Why didn’t she come for me?! Why didn’t you bring me earlier?!”

“Finn,” I crouch and try to hold him, but he pulls away.

“You’re a bad man just like daddy told me,” he cries. “Mommy’s gonna die!”

I don’t argue.

I just pull him into my chest, even as he fights it. I hold him tight. His fists hit my chest a few times, but he’s not strong enough. He’s just scared.

I rock him gently even though I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “She’s going to be okay. I promise, bud. She’s going to wake up soon.”

He cries harder, his tears soaking through my shirt.

It takes a long time.

But eventually, his sobs slow as his breathing evens out.

And then he falls asleep, right there in my arms.

I sit on the chair beside Thea’s bed, him still on my chest, and I stare at her.

At them.

At the woman I almost lost.

At the boy I nearly broke.

And it hits me—

I didn’t just hurt her.

I hurt him too.

This little boy who just wants his mother.

I thought I could love her and protect her.

Them.

But I keep putting her in danger.

My hunger.

My world.

Me.

I look down at Finn, his cheeks still wet from crying.

I brush his curls from his forehead gently.

Maybe this time… I should just stay… gone.

For real.

Let her heal.

Let him grow.

Without me in the way.

Maybe that’s the only real way to love her right.

Letting go.

Even if it's to give her peace and not me.

But I can slowly do that while mending what I broke right?