68. Struggles and Consequences

The sun has already set, and darkness has taken hold—not just of the world, but of me as well. The passion that ignited when we melted into that kiss still scorches my skin, but it's laced with a palpable sense of uncertainty. Shadow and I both know we’re playing a dangerous game—one that could cost us more than we’re willing to lose. And yet, when I look into his eyes, everything else seems to fade away.

I don’t know how I ended up here. Everything I thought I knew about love has crumbled, and in its place, there’s only this insatiable need to be near him—to feel his breath on my neck, his warmth pressing into mine. But as his hands move over me, a shiver runs through me—not from cold, but from the sharp awareness that forces far greater than us are at play, that everything we’re doing is a fight to survive, a fight not to be consumed.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Shadow whispers, his voice deep but laced with a pain that slices through me. “This isn’t just love. This is something else. Something neither of us can control.”

“I know,” I answer, struggling to contain what I feel. My chest rises and falls erratically, and every word that escapes my lips feels like a battle. “But I’m not walking away. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

He closes his eyes, as if my words are a weight he can no longer bear. My heart pounds, and a wave of anxiety crashes over me like a tsunami. What if he rejects me? What if he’s not willing to keep going? What if what separates us is stronger than what binds us?

“You’re risking too much,” he says with desperation, stepping back, as if fear itself is building a wall between us. His eyes lock with mine, and I see torment in them. “You don’t understand. You have no idea what this means. If we keep going—if we keep doing this—there’s no turning back.”

I watch him retreat, his posture upright, but his shoulders slumped. The distance between us, though physical, feels larger than anything I could have imagined. And it’s my fault. I brought us to this edge. I pushed too hard. Too fast.

“What if I don’t want to turn back?” I ask softly, a mix of courage and desperation in my voice. My words are a promise—but also a silent threat. “What if I can’t live without you?”

He turns slowly, and his eyes carry a pain I’ve never seen before. It hurts to see him like this, but I also know there’s a truth I can’t ignore. What we’re doing—this forbidden love—is a ticking bomb.

“The world isn’t going to let us live in peace,” he says, his voice cracking. “And you... you’re in danger. More than you realize. Not just because of them, not just because of my kind. Because of me, too.”

There’s a tension in the air—something dark coiling around us. My hands tremble, not from fear, but from a desire so overwhelming it nearly chokes me. Still, his words terrify me. What does that mean? What does he mean I’m in danger because of him? Can I not even trust my own choice?

“What do you mean?” I ask, my eyes searching for answers, for any sign of the truth.

He takes a step toward me, but his expression is hollow, as if he’s trapped in a maze with no way out.

“I can’t protect you if you keep choosing me,” he says, and the raw sincerity in his tone hits me like stone. “The worst thing you could do is keep believing you can save me. I’m no hero. I’m just a monster with a mask. And if you stay close to me, sooner or later, you’ll see it. And that truth, Olivia, it could destroy us both.”

My eyes fill with tears, and the words clog in my throat. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop this runaway train carrying us both into something dark and dangerous. All I want is to stay with him—but his fear of who he is, of what he might do to me, is pulling him further and further away.

“I don’t care what you are,” I say, the words coming out with more strength than I thought I had. “I don’t care what you think you are. All I know is that I love you. And I will fight—for you, for us. You won’t lose me. I won’t give up.”

A heavy silence falls between us. The wind stirs the leaves around our feet, and its rustling is the only company we have. My breath is shaky, and the anguish gnawing at me is relentless. But I can’t give up. I won’t.

Shadow closes his eyes, and for a moment, it’s like his whole body is at war with itself. As if one part of him wants to give me everything, but the other is already being dragged into the abyss. Finally, he approaches—but this time, it’s not with heat or desire. It’s a slow arrival. A wordless farewell.

“You don’t understand what you’re asking,” he murmurs. “It’s not just *my* life at risk. It’s yours, too.”

I lift my hands to his face, searching for any crack in the armor he’s built around his heart. I won’t let him go. I refuse to.

“I know. And I’m willing to risk everything,” I say, my fingers brushing over his skin. “Because if I don’t, I’ll lose myself.”

There’s a pain in his eyes that words can’t capture. But there’s something else, too. Something he can’t deny—no matter how much he wants to. And that gives me strength.

Love can be the most destructive force there is. But right now, it’s the only thing we have left.

And I’m not walking away without a fight.

Not from him.

Not from us.