Chapter 4

I'd just gotten home when I noticed that the profile icons in the group chat on my commstone had suddenly changed.

All four of them had switched to different pieces of the same totem image.

Kyle had the top left corner. Jack had the top right.

David and Ella took the bottom left and bottom right, and together they made one complete picture.

I stared at it for a few seconds, then opened the member list.

There were five icons in all.

But no matter how you arranged them, my plain snowfield icon was the odd one out.

Ella posted in the chat.

"These icons are sooo cute together!"

Jack replied with a head-pat emoji.

"Of course they look good. You picked them."

For once, even David chimed in.

"Really meaningful."

Kyle tagged me.

"Don't overthink it. The totem only has four corners. Worst case, I'll let you use mine for a few days next time."

I hadn't said a word, and he'd already decided how I was supposed to feel.

I closed the chat without replying.

Around noon the next day, Jack sent a location pin for a barbecue place.

"Seven tonight. Dinner in the cave. Don't be late."

Below it was the set menu he'd ordered.

A meal for four.

Two meat dishes, two vegetable sides, one bottle of red wine, four glasses.

I messaged him back.

"For four?"

It took Jack a long time to get what I meant.

"Ella's been wanting to try this place forever. The meal for four is a better deal."

"We'll add more meat when you get here. You never eat much anyway, and when you do, you always say your stomach hurts."

I looked at that line, "We'll add more meat when you get here," and suddenly it all seemed ridiculous.

They always said I was the person who mattered most to them.

But now they couldn't even remember to save me a seat when they placed the order.

Every time, they'd only scoot over and add another place setting once I showed up.

As if making room for me at the last minute made up for forgetting me in the first place.

That afternoon, I packed the last of my things into my suitcase.

A few things were still sitting on the table.

The comb Jack had given me when we were kids.

The shifting chart David had drawn for me.

The combat medal Kyle had won in his first real fight.

And the lopsided little straw wolf he'd given me the day we met.

I didn't throw them out.

I just left them behind.

Taking them with me would mean I still couldn't let go.

When you truly stop caring, you can't even be bothered to get rid of things.

Ten minutes before I had to leave, Kyle messaged again. This time it was a photo of four concert tickets.

The Summit Concert, live on a moonlit night.

"Ella spent forever trying to snag these."

"Exactly four. We're taking her this weekend."

"You don't like crowds, so we'll record it for you. Saves you money too."

I'd lost count of how many times they'd said "you don't like" something as an excuse to leave me out.

The thing was, Kyle and I had been listening to that band together for three years.

Last year, when we couldn't get tickets, he'd hugged me and promised that next time, he'd take me to see them live.

So the promise hadn't disappeared.

He'd just kept it for someone else.

I carried my bags out of my place and left the door code written on the wall.

No goodbye letter.

No long list of everything they'd done to me, either.

They wouldn't even read it.

Even if they did, they'd just think I was making a scene over nothing.

Messages kept popping up on my commstone. Jack wanted me to get to the barbecue place early and save a table. David wanted me to stop on the way and pick up a bag of the roasted honey fruit Ella liked.

The last message was from Kyle.

"Be good tonight. No attitude. I'll make it up to you later."

"After the concert, we'll bring you back the kind of souvenir you like best."

I didn't reply.

Once I was on the transport, I left the group chat the five of us shared. I hit confirm. That was it.

I'd taken a seat by the window.

My commstone buzzed again.

Kyle had sent me a voice message.

He sounded exasperated, the way he always did with me. "Sasha, why aren't you here yet?"

"Reply when you get this. Are you going to make us all wait for you again?"

As the transport started moving, Kyle sent another message.

"Be there before dark. We won't wait if you're late, so don't come crying."

I glanced out the window.

The place I'd always called home slowly blurred out of sight.

I turned off my commstone.

Tonight they'd probably still make room for me.

But I'd never sit in that last-minute extra seat again.