Chapter 16: Going Home

Aurelia's POV

I stayed at Rosa's longer than I meant to, long enough that the soup went cold twice and she reheated it once, refusing to let me leave on an empty stomach even after everything I'd just handed her to carry.

"You'll tell me if it gets worse," she said at the door, holding both my hands in hers. "Whatever worse looks like. You won't try to carry it alone just to spare me."

"I promise."

"You say that so easily, I taught you better than that." She squeezed my hands once, hard, then let go. "Go on. Before it gets dark."

The drive back to the estate felt longer than usual, the kind of quiet that gave a person too much room to think. I kept turning over the look on her face when I'd said his name.....Cassian's brother.

Rosa had repeated, like the words themselves didn't fit together properly in her mouth, she'd known Kael....she'd loved him, in the careful, protective way she loved anyone I brought into her house. And now she knew exactly how impossible the whole thing had become, and she hadn't told me to stop.

That should have frightened me more than it did.

*****

The estate was lit up when I pulled in, more than usual for a Tuesday evening, cars I didn't recognize parked along the circular drive, I found Marta in the front hall, straightening a vase of flowers that hadn't been there that morning.

"What's all this?"

"Mrs. Blackthorne is hosting dinner," Marta said, not looking up from the flowers. "Some of her friends from the garden committee and Bianca's mother, I believe."

My stomach dropped slightly. Vivienne rarely hosted anything without a reason attached to it, and her reasons were never simple.

"Was I informed of this?"

Marta finally looked at me, something apologetic in her expression. "She only decided this afternoon, ma'am, I assumed she'd tell you herself."

She hadn't....of course she hadn't.

I went upstairs to change and chose a simple, plain dress that wouldn't give Vivienne anything new to criticize.

When I came back downstairs, the dining room was already half full.....laughter and conversation filled the hallway, the long table was set with more silverware than I had ever expected to see for an ordinary Tuesday, even after four years of marriage.

Vivienne caught sight of me the moment I stepped through the doorway.

"Aurelia. There you are." She said it warmly, for the benefit of the room, though her eyes carried none of the warmth in her voice. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten you lived here."

"I was at Rosa's."

"Of course you were." She turned to the woman beside her, an older, elegantly dressed guest I didn't recognize. "Aurelia's guardian. Lovely woman, kept her fed and clothed after her parents passed, before she came to us."

She said it the way she said everything about my past....technically kind, somehow still managing to make it sound like charity Vivienne herself had personally approved.

"Sit, sit," Vivienne continued, gesturing to an empty chair near the far end of the table, well away from where Cassian sat deep in conversation with Bianca's mother. "We were just discussing the gala. Bianca's been telling everyone how involved she's been."

Bianca, seated two chairs down, offered me a soft, apologetic smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I hope you don't mind me sharing. Everyone's been so curious."

"Not at all," I said, taking my seat, because there wasn't another answer that wouldn't have cost more than it was worth.

Cassian glanced up briefly when I sat down, offered a small nod that might have passed for a greeting in a house that ran on less formality, then went back to his conversation. I told myself it didn't sting....it stung anyway.

*****

Dinner moved through its courses the way these things always did.....polite conversation, careful compliments, Vivienne steering every topic exactly where she wanted it to go. It wasn't until the dessert course that she finally arrived at what I suspected had been the actual reason for the evening all along.

"Four years married," she said, to the table at large, though her eyes settled on me. "And still no news for this family, it does make one wonder."

The table went quiet in that particular way a room goes quiet when everyone senses something is about to happen and no one wants to be the one who causes it.

"Mother." Cassian's voice was tired, more embarrassed than protective. "Not tonight."

"I'm only making conversation, darling. Everyone at this table has been wondering the same thing, I'm simply the only one willing to say it out loud." She turned back to me, her expression carefully arranged into something almost sympathetic. "It's not a criticism, Aurelia. These things happen, some women simply take longer than others."

Bianca's mother made a small, uncomfortable sound and reached for her wine glass. Bianca herself said nothing, though I caught the faint, practiced sympathy in her expression, the kind designed to be noticed by everyone at the table except the person it was supposedly meant for.

"I'm sure it will happen when it's meant to," Bianca said finally, reaching over to squeeze my hand where it rested on the table. "You mustn't let anyone make you feel rushed, Aurelia. These things can't be forced."

Her hand was warm, her voice was gentle and every word out of her mouth landed like something designed to make me grateful for a kindness I hadn't asked for and didn't trust.

"Thank you," I said, because there wasn't a version of the truth I could say instead.

Cassian still hadn't said anything else. He sat there, jaw tight, staring at his dessert like it might offer him a way out of the conversation his mother had started and had no intention of ending.

I looked around the table.....Vivienne satisfied, Bianca, soft and watchful.

Cassian, silent.....and understood, with a clarity that felt almost peaceful in how unsurprising it was, that I had once again been placed at the center of a conversation no one actually expected me to survive with any dignity left over.

I reached for my water glass instead of my wine, needing something steady in my hand, and waited for the meal to end.