Chapter 43

I wake up before dawn. Every part of my body hurts, but I don’t let that stop me as I climb out of bed and stagger to the dress we discarded at some point. I don’t know where my black dress is, so this will have to do.

I pause in the doorway and look back, determined to memorize this moment. Shane is sprawled on his back, the sheets bunched around his waist, his broad chest on display. It’s almost enough to tempt me back to bed. To pretend our deadline hasn’t come. To take him up on everything he’s offering me.

I can’t.

I just…can’t.

“Lily.”

I jump. “I didn’t realize you were awake.”

“I was the moment you moved.”

I shift, torn between walking out the door and running back to the bed. “I have to go, Shane. I…”

“It’s too soon.” He sits up. “You need time to work through your shit.”

“Yes.” I exhale in something like grief. “It’s a lot of shit.” It will take longer than seven days to get over this. It’s not even getting over Max as much as it’s getting over the failed relationship. I need time and space to process, but I don’t know how long it will take. “I can’t ask you to wait for me.”

“You don’t have to.” He drags his hand through his hair. “You’re it for me, Lily. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

My chest aches, but I don’t argue. I don’t ask him what happens if he’s waiting forever. “I’m going to go.”

“I’ll walk you out.”

“No.” I take a quick step back, even though he’s barely shifted. “If you get up, I’m going to second-guess myself and then I’ll end up on your cock again. Which means we’ll be having an identical conversation next time we surface.”

He curses softly. “Text me when you get home.”

I don’t tell him that even that much communication is probably crossing a line. “I will.” I pause. “Do you want the videos?”

Shane holds my gaze. “Only when you’re ready to start again. Send them to me when you’re ready to be mine, baby girl.”

“Yes, Daddy,” I whisper. And then I flee.

****

F E B R U A R Y

5:48 pm

Shane: How are you holding up?

Me: It’s been rough.

Shane: What can I do?

Me: I just need time, I think.

Shane: Take all the time you need, Lily. I mean it.

****

A P R I L

1:13am

Me: I want to fuck.

Shane: Lily, are you drunk?

Me: Maybe. Girl’s night!

Me: But they’re gone and I want my Daddy’s cock.

Shane: Where are you?

Me: The Silver Spoon.

Shane: Give me fifteen minutes.

Shane: Do not leave with anyone.

Me: I only want to leave with you.

2:01 am

Me: I am so mad at you.

Shane: You won’t be tomorrow. Me: You turned me down!

Shane: You’re drunk, baby girl.

Shane: You’d regret fucking me.

Me: You’re an asshole.

Shane: Guess I’ll have to live with that.

10:26 am

Me: I’m sorry.

Shane: How are you feeling?

Me: Like I’m dying.

Me: I’m never drinking again. Me: I shouldn’t have texted you.

Shane: You can always call me for a ride.

Shane: I’d rather you be safe.

Me: Thanks. For everything. Shane: Any time, Lily.

****

M A Y

3: 52pm

Me: I saw you today.

Shane: Oh?

Me: Yeah, pulling out of the store parking lot.

Shane: Sorry I missed you.

Me: Me too.

Me: I do.

Me: Miss you.

Shane: I miss you, too.

Me: I just need more time.

Shane: Take as long as you need.

Me: You keep saying that, but you won’t wait forever. Shane: Let me worry about that.

****

J U N E

I don’t know how it happens. One day, I’m still struggling to stay afloat, the pressure easing a little with each week that passes. The next I woke up determined to start living again. I hate that it took me six months to work through this, but every time I felt like the ground might be steadying under my feet, something would happen.

So I keep my head down and focus entirely on work until the end of the school year. And then summer vacation starts and I feel… Okay. Better than okay. Almost like myself again.

I miss Shane so much, it’s like I actually carved out my heart that weekend and left it behind in his house. No matter how much an asshole I act, he’s been a goddamn saint since. Never pushing me. Never trying to play dirty. Just patient and understanding and I am so done with all my bullshit.

It’s time to move forward. I finally feel ready.

The fact that it’s an unseasonal blistering hot June day only seems to spur me on. Like I’ve been standing still for so long, treading water, and now I’m ready to sprint.

There’s only one direction for me to sprint to: Shane.

If he’ll still have me.

I pick up my phone and flick through to my secret folder where I keep the videos from that weekend. I’ve watched them more times than I care to admit. Bringing myself to orgasm at the sight of his fingers in my pussy or me riding his mouth, riding his cock. My hands are nowhere near as good as the real thing.

He said to send the videos when I’m finally ready to move forward.

My thumb hovers over the button to do it, but I hesitate. Is it too late? Have I lingered too long? Nervous energy has me texting him instead.

Me: It’s wicked hot today.

He responds almost immediately.

Shane: I was thinking of getting the pool ready to go.

Just like that, an idea forms. A filthy, perfect idea.

Me: You should. Gotta maximize every hot summer day.

Shane: Agreed.

Me: Are you still going home for lunch?

Shane: Sometimes. Why?

Me: Just wondering.

Me: I have to go. I’ll catch up with you soon.

Shane: Okay. Have a good day.

I check the clock. It’s mid-morning, which means I don’t have much time. I take a shower and get ready, throwing on a pair of shorts and a tank top and filling a tote bag with the things I’ll need. It’s not until I’m driving to Shane’s that my nerves ramp up.

If he doesn’t want me anymore, I’m setting myself up for one hell of a humiliating experience.

I find the spare key exactly where it’s always been, tucked under a fake rock near the front door, and let myself in. Even though I know better, I drift through the house. I’m not exactly looking for evidence that he’s moved on, but I still exhale in relief when I find things exactly as they were the last time I was here.

It’s game time.

I strip and pull on the white wrap cover-up that I bought a month ago because it made me think of Shane. The cut almost looks Grecian, narrow swathes of fabric draping from my shoulders over my breasts and crisscrossing at my hips to form a tiny little skirt. It’s cute with my swimsuit on under it. It’s dirty as hell without it.

I take a deep breath and walk out into the backyard. The cover is still on the pool, but he’s got the lounge chairs out like I hoped. Shane likes to read in the evenings out here as soon as the weather’s nice, so I bet he brought them out of storage the second the temperature edged to barely tolerable.

I drape myself over the lounge chair in the shade and take a deep breath. Here we go. I lift my phone, position it over my face in a selfie angle, and push record. “Hi, Shane. I might have done a little breaking to get into your backyard, but is it breaking if I know where the spare key is?”

I’m talking too fast, my words tumbling over themselves, but I can’t seem to stop. “I didn’t expect to be this nervous, but here we are.” I nibble my bottom lip. “I know you said to send those videos when I was ready, but I don’t want to live in the past. I want a future.” I give a small smile. “So I’m making you a new video.”

I drag my finger down my neck, carefully following it with the camera, to cup my left breast. The white fabric is almost see-through. “I bought this just for you.” I tug it to the side, baring my breast, and let my fingers linger on my nipple. “I hope you like it.”

It’s harder to get this angle right. I have to sit up a bit as I pull up the wrap to show him my pussy. “Oops. No panties. I know how much you hate that.” I part my pussy and drag my middle finger up my center. “I’ve missed you, Daddy. I can’t wait for you to fill me up again.” I shift the camera back to my face, but I don’t stop touching myself. “Want to come home and have me for lunch?” I blow him a kiss and end the video.

I almost chicken out before sending it. But I’ve come too far to back out now.

My phone rings sixty seconds later.

Shane.

I’m shaking as I answer. “Hello?”

“Baby girl.” He sounds quiet and almost furious. “Are you fingering yourself in my backyard right now?”

Just like that, my nerves disappear. He wouldn’t call me that if he wasn’t one hundred percent in on this. I recline against the lounge chair and go back to leisurely stroking my clit. “Yes, Daddy.”

His breathing shudders out. “Don’t stop. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” His voice goes hard. “Don’t you dare come. That orgasm is mine and I intend to take it.”

“Better hurry then.” I hang up to the sound of his cursing.

For all my teasing, I don’t want to come before he gets here. But that doesn’t stop me from stoking my need higher with every touch. I debate taking off the cover-up, but it feels too good to stop, so I don’t bother.

Exactly fourteen minutes after we hung up, I heard the front door slam.

Shane stalks outside and stops short like he can’t believe I’m here. The shock on his face only lasts a moment, but it’s delicious. He’s wearing a suit without a tie, the top two buttons undone. As I watch, he shrugs out of the jacket and sets it on the back of the second lounge chair.

I give my clit another circle and hold my breath. Are we playing or are we going to talk?

He doesn’t make me wait long. “Tell me something.”

“Yes?”