Chapter 3

The class group chat quickly comes alive.

“She really went to the gym? I thought she’d quit after signing up for a membership.”

“Come on. Is the rec center treadmill okay today?”

“Someone should probably remind the trainer to check the weight limit on the equipment.”

Someone turns the photo of me crying miserably at the gym into a meme and floods the group chat with it.

Sophie even tags me, her words sweet on the surface.

【Emily, don’t be sad. It’s brave of you to take the first step.】

【The photo is a little embarrassing, but everyone just wants to encourage you to keep going.】

I swallow the tears burning behind my eyes and look at myself in the mirror for the first time.

Years of binge eating have thrown my hormones out of balance. My face is covered in acne, and stretch marks are visible across my body.

Thankfully, my trainer tells me that if I stick to the workout plan and change my diet, these problems will gradually improve.

From that day on, my life changes completely.

The first thing I do when I wake up is no longer head to the dining hall and pile my plate with pancakes, bacon, and hash browns.

Instead, I put on my sneakers and head to the campus track for a brisk walk and a slow jog.

Whenever I don’t have class, I spend most of my time at the rec center.

At night, I drag my aching body back to the dorm, only to face Sophie’s carefully feigned concern all over again.

Thankfully, I get a call from Richard every night before bed.

After I start training, I actually talk to Richard more than before.

His low, steady voice keeps me company while we talk about classes, workouts, the weather, and all kinds of meaningless little things.

So many times, I’m exhausted enough to want to quit.

Then I hear his voice, and I grit my teeth and keep going.

The last week of June happens to be my birthday.

That day, I return from the library after studying and find a necklace from Van Cleef & Arpels waiting for me.

【Happy birthday. The moment I see it, I think of you.】

【When we meet, if you’re willing, wear it when you come see me.】

I can barely remember the last time someone really celebrates my birthday.

After my grandmother dies, no one remembers the date anymore.

I carefully try the necklace on.

The pendant rests just below my collarbone.

But somehow, the girl staring back at me in the mirror still doesn’t look worthy of it.

I think about it for a moment.

Once I truly find myself again, I’ll wear it.

Then it will look beautiful.

The days continue.

I prepare for finals while keeping up with my training.

Every day, my muscles ache so badly that even lifting my arms hurts.

But the swelling in my face and body gradually goes down, and my hormones slowly stabilize.

The transparent messages, however, begin to sound uneasy.

【How is she actually sticking with it?】

【What if she really manages to lose the weight?】

【Impossible. Even if she loses weight, she’ll still just be ordinary.】

【A cannon-fodder character is a cannon-fodder character. She’ll never become someone like Sophie.】

I ignore them.

I follow my trainer through strength workouts, stick to my diet, and track my sleep and mood as required by the school’s wellness group.

I don’t just want to lose weight.

I want to be healthy.

I want discipline.

And I want to pull the girl who is too humiliated to lift her head back to her feet with my own hands.

By finals week, I lose almost forty pounds.

But no one notices.

My trainer adds weighted exercises to my routine, so I wear a weighted vest and protective gear under my clothes every day.

I also get used to wearing oversized hoodies and sweatpants.

If anything, I look even bigger than before.

Final grades are released soon after, and most students begin moving out of the dorms.

I apply for summer housing ahead of time and prepare to move into one of the residence halls that stays open during the summer.

On the day I leave the old dorm, Sophie leans against the doorway and looks me up and down.

Her lips curve into a small smile.

“Emily, haven’t you been practically living at the gym lately?”

“How come you don’t look any thinner? If anything, you look even bulkier.”

She lowers her voice deliberately, as if she’s genuinely worried about me.

“Summer break is officially starting.”

“And when it ends, you’re supposed to meet Richard.”

“If you’re worried about it, I can help you.”

I don’t bother answering.

I turn around and walk away.