Chapter 3 The Only Way to Save Him

Erika’s POV

Damien stayed until Theo fell asleep, and then I walked him to the door.

I did not want him to go.

He came by most evenings now. He would turn up with a bag of the oranges Theo liked, or a car seat sturdier than the one I had, and sit on my floor letting a three-year-old climb him like furniture. He always left before I could thank him.

Now he stood in my doorway with his hands in his pockets, and for a second I forgot every reason he shouldn’t stay.

“Thank you,” I said. “For tonight. For all of it.”

“It’s oranges, Erika.”

“It’s more than oranges.”

I meant to leave it there. Instead I went up on my toes to kiss his cheek. His jaw was rough under my mouth, and I stayed a breath too long, long enough to feel him go still, long enough that when I came down neither of us spoke.

It did not feel like thanking him. It had not felt chaste at all. Now my face was burning.

He looked at me a moment too long, and I made myself not think about what was in it.

He stepped back. “If you need anything,” he said, “anything at all—you know where to find me.”

Then he was down the path and into his car, and I stood in my doorway with my fingers pressed to my mouth like a girl, watching his taillights until they turned the corner.

Isabelle was on the couch when I went back in, Theo asleep against her shoulder.

“He’s such a responsible father,” I said, reaching for the blanket, humming. “He didn’t have to do any of this but he just does it. He won’t even let me thank him.”

Isabelle looked at me over Theo’s head and raised an eyebrow.

“Responsible.” She snorted. “Erika. That man sat on your floor for two hours and watched you the whole time like you were the last glass of water on earth. That is a great deal more than being responsible, and you are the only person in this house who can’t see it.”

“Don’t start, Izzy.” I rolled my eyes, hoping she didn’t see my whole face going red. “It’s not like that. It can’t be.”

My phone beeped on the counter before she could argue. A reminder I’d set weeks ago: Dr. Kirk, 4:30.

I’d lost track of the whole afternoon. It was already ten past four!

“Watch Theo!” I was already grabbing my keys.

Dr. Kirk didn’t make me sit through small talk.

“The father’s typing came back. It helps—there are more donors to check—but he isn’t a match and the registry still hasn’t turned up anyone.”

She folded her hands.

“But there is still hope.”

I looked at her.

“If Theo had a brother or sister. A full sibling, I mean, someone with both of his parents, there would be a one-in-four chance they’d match him, which is much better than the odds with a stranger.”

I didn’t say anything.

“And if it was a baby, we could save the cord blood when they were born. If it matched, we could use it for Theo.”

“A sibling,” I said finally.

“A baby, Erika. His father, and you.” She held my eyes, kind and unflinching. “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m telling you what I would give my own child, if he were mine.”

I don’t remember the elevator or the lot. 

I remember sitting in the car with one hand on the steering wheel and knowing exactly what I would do—and what it would cost.

If a baby could save Theo, I would have a baby. That was never a question.

I just…I couldn’t carry one brother’s child while I wore the other one’s ring.

So before my nerve could fail, I called Julian from the car, driving to the only house I had to go to now.

He picked up on the first ring. “Hey—are we still on for tonight? I’m already—”

“Julian. I can’t marry you.”

Silence. Then, carefully, as if I might be joking, “…What?”

“I’m ending it. You didn’t do anything. God, you didn’t do anything. You’ve been—” I sniffed. “You’ve been good to me. Too good, probably.”

“Erika, that’s—” His voice cracked. “What do you want me to say?”

“I’m sorry, Julian. Please forgive me…”

“Where is this coming from? Is it Theo? Whatever it is, we can—”

“Theo is why.” My hands shook on the wheel. “He needs a transplant. His best chance is a sibling—a baby, with his biological father. I have to save my child, Julian. There is nothing I won’t do to save my child. I’m so sorry.”

The line went so quiet I thought he’d hung up.

“His biological father,” he said at last, and something in how he said it frightened me. “You found him.”

“I have to go.”

I hung up before he could answer, and turned onto Damian’s street, parking into the drive.

He opened the door before I knocked. One look at my face and the ease went out of his.

“Erika? What’s wrong—is it Theo?”

“Theo’s fine. Theo’s stable.” I was crying a little already, and hating it. “Can I come in? I have to get this out before I can’t.”

He stepped back without a word. I followed him into a house I had never seen, and I didn’t look at a single thing in it. I just turned around and made myself face him.

“I saw Dr. Kirk today. Your blood helps, but it isn’t enough for him.” I dragged in a breath. “She said his best chance is a sibling. A full one. A baby—yours and mine.”

I couldn’t read a thing in his expression, and I knew if I stopped now I would never start again.

“So I’m going to ask you something terrible,” I said, “and please, just—let me finish first. Marry me.” I could hear my breath shaking. “I am not asking you to love me. I would never ask you for that. We have the baby, we save Theo, and the day he’s well you can divorce me and never look at my face again. That’s all it is. I swear that’s all it is.”

The silence went on so long I felt sick.

“Did you just propose to me?” he said finally.

“It’s more of a business arrangement.”

“You’re asking me to marry you and have a child with you.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re calling that a business arrangement.”

“What else would you call it?”

He rubbed a hand over his face. “Most women would at least pretend to be nervous.”

“I am nervous.”

“You don’t look nervous. You look like you’re scheduling a dentist appointment.”

“I’m trying to be efficient. We don’t have a lot of time.”

He went quiet. Then: “You are the strangest woman I have ever met.”

“Is that a yes?”

He looked at me for a long moment. “Unfortunately, yes.”

I let out the breath I’d been holding.

I had braced for a no, for pity, for a cheque pressed into my hand to make me disappear, and instead he’d said yes in two quiet words, like I’d asked him for the time.

“…Okay,” I breathed. “Okay. Thank you. Theo’s with Isabelle, I should—”

I didn’t finish it. I got myself out the door before I could fall apart in his front hall, and stepped out into the cold.

I stopped dead.

Julian was at the foot of the drive, standing beside his car, watching me walk out of his brother’s house with a face I never wanted to be the cause of.